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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Violent little cow at school. How do I deal with this without making it worse for DS

168 replies

Annoyed79 · 16/02/2012 17:46

So this horrible little bitch (sorry, but yeah - she is) has been routinely hitting my son since he started secondary school. Not to mention continuously humiliating him, turning people against him, breaking his belongings etc. Yesterday an argument erupted at school which she took to facebook calling him a "dyspraxic riddled cunt", buck toothed bastard, ugly retard etc etc telling him he'll never have friends, never get a job, never get a girlfriend - the list went on. All this very public on his facebook wall. Along with this she issued a number of violent threats. Now - today she came up behind him and punched him hard in the head. I am absolutely fucking livid. What's worse is the school is shut, teacher training day tomorrow and then a weeks half term holiday.

I cannot just let this go. How do I deal with it without making it worse for DS? She has the majority of the school on her side and I know that if I get the police involved it will flare up for him even more.

What do I do??

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 16/02/2012 22:43

I would second what people are saying about not contacting her parents. This started at school, and it needs to be dealt with at school if she is ever going to improve her behaviour, with backup from the police, regardless of what the OP decides to do with regard to her own DS.

SplatSplatSplat · 16/02/2012 22:48

Do you have email notifications of the wall posts?

BoffinMum · 16/02/2012 22:58

On Windows 7 it is particularly easy to save screenshots, so that would be one solution if you know someone who has this on their computer.

skybluepearl · 16/02/2012 23:38

don't go see the parents what ever you do. let the police do it all. let the police take the lead/a firm hand with her and the school should back the police up. the allegations are very very serious and beyond direct parental contact

Mya2403 · 17/02/2012 01:43

OP as she is over 10 which is the age for criminal responsibility in England you must, Print off all these messages on facebook. Hand them to the police as well as CC copies to the school and also the board of Governors, Submit a formal complaint to the school & go to the local papers if you can.

methsdrinker · 17/02/2012 02:19

Do not go to the newspapers at all. Your son will not have a clean start if he is splattered all over the local papers

Floggingmolly · 17/02/2012 09:31

Police. How can it be any worse for your ds? And bloody hell, there's always at least one bleeding heart bollocking on about how the girl is probably insecure. Most normal people do not react to stress like this, she is not deserving of any particular sympathy, no matter what's behind her behaviour.

Mrsrobertduvall · 17/02/2012 09:59

I know a school who got the police involved in a horible cyberbullying case, and yes, the year 6 child was given a criminal record.
And excluded.

caramelwaffle · 17/02/2012 10:41

In England and Wales the age of criminal responsibility is 10.

She will receive a criminal record if charges are pressed and she is found guilty.

Good luck with everything Annoyed

camdancer · 17/02/2012 10:43

It might also be worth finding some way to help your son increase his self confidence. (Karate, acting classes, rock climbing, cake decorating - anything.) This will have knocked him for six and even if he gets to change schools for a new start, he may still need a bit of a boost.

Also, please don't say to him that you think that moving schools won't help. That will sound to him like what is happening is somehow his fault. Please believe me on that one.

CremeEggThief · 17/02/2012 11:16

Please, please go to the police, if you haven't done so already. This horrible little bitch needs to be put in her place. I am so sorry for your son and you too.

CuriousMama · 17/02/2012 12:17

She has gone to the Police. Have they done anything yet?

shockers · 17/02/2012 12:31

The police take this sort of thing very seriously. They come into schools to talk about cyber bullying and, when they do, they always stress that the best thing to do is to report the abuse. On top of that, there has been physical intimidation.

You will actually be doing this girl, and any friends she has that may look up to her, a big favour. She needs to know that this behaviour is not acceptable in our society.

I agree with camdancer too, an esteem building hobby or activity is a great idea.

Stay123 · 17/02/2012 12:37

Police and not the school as they might be ineffective and make it worse, they might call him a snitch. Your poor son. Ask him what he feels about moving school and if he says yes do it.

fortyplus · 17/02/2012 12:44

I would contact the governors to say that you are letting them know as a matter of courtesy that you have passed this matter to the Police as the incidents are too extreme to be dealt with under the school's anti-bullying policy.

GirlWithPointyShoes · 17/02/2012 14:00

Why is there always at least one attention seeking "Look at me, I'm offended and have nothing useful to add" type poster in these kinds of threads.

How is your son coping OP? He sounds like he has been through a lot. Maybe when you get all this sorted he could speak to a councilor? As others have said bullying can be very scarring. It's just another form of abuse. :(

Good luck and well done so far.

BoffinMum · 17/02/2012 14:01

Like others have said;

Do NOT talk to her parents
Do NOT tell the newspapers
Do sign your son up for karate
Do let the authorities sort it out, for the sake of both your son and the girl.

It's assault, by the way. Not just bullying.

mumofjust1 · 17/02/2012 14:19

Hi OP, just stopping by to find out how you and DS are?

I hope the police have come to take a statement and that things are progressing.

Do let us know how you both are x

DoingTheBestICan · 17/02/2012 19:00

Just checking in to see how things are,hope your ds is ok?

I am a school governor & i really think you should contact your school governors & HT & just let them know what has happened,i know i would want to know if this happened at our school,just to protect any other children from it happening to.

Hope you are ok op xx

coraltoes · 17/02/2012 19:02

Oh so glad someone found the thread..I was wondering if there was any news.
Do let us know how it is going OP. I've been thinking bout you today, and really hope you get support from the school and police.

CuriousMama · 18/02/2012 13:57

coraltoes doesn't it show on threads I'm on? Or didn't you post before?

Op any news?

coraltoes · 18/02/2012 14:12

Curious. I don't think I posted before. Or did I? Argh I forget.

CuriousMama · 18/02/2012 15:41

It's ok, will show up on 'threads I'm on' now Grin

Original poster
Annoyed79 · 18/02/2012 20:20

UPDATE!
----
----

Thanks for all the replies and support. I've not heard back from the police since but I'll give them until next wednesday and then contact them again. I have a log to quote.

Yesterday I managed to get in contact with DS's head of year at the school and seemed mortified and asked me to take in the facebook prints and DS. (DS not impressed at being dragged out of bed on a non-school day to go into school!). Long story short, they have suspended her for the first day back after the half term whilst they gather witness statements and determine what happened with a view to a longer suspension. Her parents are now aware of what she did as well as the police involvement.

Today, DS received a message from her sayings she was so sorry, was completely out of line and is he ok etc. So I'm assuming she is now fully aware of the world of shit she has created for herself. I might be a sadistic cow, but I love the thought of her sat at home frightened to death about what will happen.

DS is under strict instructions not to communicate with her at all. I know what he's like though, HE will now feel guilty that she's upset and will want to put a stop to it all. Don't know where he gets his softness from. Certainly not me!

I will update further when things move along. Thanks again for all the support and advice x

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 18/02/2012 20:22

so pleased you addressed this, and she IS a little bitch, Hope this get sorted and WELL DONE, hope things get better

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