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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Violent little cow at school. How do I deal with this without making it worse for DS

168 replies

Annoyed79 · 16/02/2012 17:46

So this horrible little bitch (sorry, but yeah - she is) has been routinely hitting my son since he started secondary school. Not to mention continuously humiliating him, turning people against him, breaking his belongings etc. Yesterday an argument erupted at school which she took to facebook calling him a "dyspraxic riddled cunt", buck toothed bastard, ugly retard etc etc telling him he'll never have friends, never get a job, never get a girlfriend - the list went on. All this very public on his facebook wall. Along with this she issued a number of violent threats. Now - today she came up behind him and punched him hard in the head. I am absolutely fucking livid. What's worse is the school is shut, teacher training day tomorrow and then a weeks half term holiday.

I cannot just let this go. How do I deal with it without making it worse for DS? She has the majority of the school on her side and I know that if I get the police involved it will flare up for him even more.

What do I do??

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/02/2012 18:19

I've read threads on here (usually primary aged children) where the schools have really dragged their heels and the parents end up taking a very unhappy child out of school.
But I would-personally- go up to the school tomorrow (as well as taking the evidence to the Police and demand to know what they are going to do about it)

NoMoreMarbles · 16/02/2012 18:21

I agree... Keep him away from the school, insist on speaking to the head tomorrow and take screen shots to show to the police. I was bullied and it only stopped when I stood up for myself and fought back. Don't let it get to the point where your DS is pushed to violence himself

mumofjust1 · 16/02/2012 18:25

My dd has been through something similar.

This is more than bullying, it's harrassment and is a criminal offense.

You must print screenshots off fb, give the school a copy and report this horrible child to the police. They will take it seriously and steps will be taken at school to keep him safe.

I'm so sorry that you and your son have had to go through this, I know exactly how you feel.

I too was worried that police involvement would make the situation worse but it didn't.

Please feel free to pm me if you like

Good luck and hugs to you both x

ddubsgirl · 16/02/2012 18:26

print off everything and go to school & police,i had to pull my son from his 1st high school due to stuff like this,new school isnt perfect but they deal with things alot better(my son also dyspraxic)

mumofjust1 · 16/02/2012 18:28

Also, you don't have to GO to the police - call 101 the non emergency number this evening, file the complaint and the police will come and see you and your son at home. They really do take things like this seriously

Original poster

Annoyed79 · 16/02/2012 18:28

not read all the replies yet (will come back to it in a bit) but have reported to the police

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 16/02/2012 18:30

report the Facebook posts to the police and Facebook they will take it seriously and the girl will lose here Facebook account, id also screen shoot it and see her parents.

LeBOF · 16/02/2012 18:30

Good for you- it is absolutely the right thing.

ddubsgirl · 16/02/2012 18:30

hope he ok op,it is hard but with love & support from you and just knowing u are there for him will help xx

cricketballs · 16/02/2012 18:34

have you done the screen shots? you need to ensure that you have the proof before she deletes them

flashsale · 16/02/2012 18:37

Fabby, will the girl be permanently banned from Facebook?

flashsale · 16/02/2012 18:38

I really wouldn't have any truck with the parents.

The parents of a bully are usually bullies.

Dawndonna · 16/02/2012 18:40

Well done, Annoyed, it's not easy, but it is the right thing. Hope it sorts for you all.

flashsale · 16/02/2012 18:40

Well done for reporting it to the police. Please keep us posted. I bet lots of us have dc who have been targetted with this kind of cyberbullying. Thank God the police are serious about it.

skybluepearl · 16/02/2012 18:47

there is no option - just the police. it's a great idea to deal with it now as the police will deal with her during the hols and without the audience of her school buddies.

Threeprinces · 16/02/2012 18:50

Difficult situation, poor you and.your DS. Take a printout and save a copy of his Facebook page with the comments on before she can delete them.

skybluepearl · 16/02/2012 18:54

well done you. this isn't something the school can sort out and it is the sort of thing that can make kids hurt themselves. I would go in on the first day of school and give the head a copy of the print out and also a blow by blow break down of what the police have done. They need to be aware as I'm sure she must be bullying others too.

cheesesarnie · 16/02/2012 18:54

youre poor ds!
well done for reporting

bleedingheart · 16/02/2012 18:58

I would add that a teacher training day is sometimes one of the best days to approach a school, people are often easier to get hold of. I'm glad you went to the police. I cannot believe how awful this girl has been towards your poor DS!

scaryteacher · 16/02/2012 18:59

Make sure you get print offs; contact the school tomorrow - the Head should be there, and ask them what they are doing to safeguard your son and what about their duty of care to him? Ask about the anti-bullying policy as well - then tell the Head you've contacted the police and will be taking this to the Chair of Governors (they should be on the school website) and the LEA if no satisfaction from the school.

Doilooklikeatourist · 16/02/2012 19:07

We had to deal with something similar to this, but luckily for us , nowhere nearly as bad .
The final straw was when the incredibly stupid and quite possibly mad mother of the evil bitch child that harassed my son reported him to the police for flicking her coat hood with an umbrella on the school bus .
I know .
It was another boy , but every child on the bus had to write a report of what happened .
They all said it was other boy .
The police wouldn't get involved , saying it was a school matter .
I went into school , with DS and it was sorted out .
The mother actually was called into the headmasters office and told what's what .
hope she was given detention
Good luck , I would phone the school tomorrow , or go there , do not let it carry on .

DressDownFriday · 16/02/2012 19:21

Don't let the police persuade you to let the school handle it. Schools have an agreement with the police that the school will sort out bullying but you have the right to insist that the police deal instead.

Original poster

Annoyed79 · 16/02/2012 19:23

Thanks, have now read all the replies and have calmed down slightly.

I reported it to the police and they are coming to take a statement from DS. I have also listed to them the other times she has attacked him, including the time she swiped his glasses off his face and broke them.

I asked DS if he wants to move school. His immediate response was "yes!". He's been wanting to change schools for a while now anyway, he's not a popular kid and does get a lot of bother. I don't anticipate this changing in another school but a fresh start might just do him some good. I'll call the new school tomorrow as well as his current school and let them know whether I can get him in the new school or not, he won't be returning there until they can guarantee me his absolute safety. I'll also insist he leaves half an hour early too because I wouldn't put it passed the little bitch to start on him on the way home with her minions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Annoyed79 · 16/02/2012 19:26

Unfortunately a lot of the facebook stuff has been lost but I did manage to capture the one where she asked him how his head was (in reference to the 3 punches to it today) as well as the comment "I'm not frightened to hurt you again" as well as "Don't you think you should watch out? I know where you live".

That will be passed to the police.

OP posts:

flashsale · 16/02/2012 19:27

Go full out for a change of school.

You have a very very very good case for insisting that the LEA give him a place at any other school.

Show the police the Facebook stuff - as well as doing screenshots.

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