to think it is unacceptable to leave a 12 year old and 9 year old home alone with a 12 month old baby

[PinkElephant73]

It is half term this week and someone I know went out during the day, leaving their 2 older children age 9 and 12 alone with their 12 month old baby sibling who was asleep having a nap while the parent was out. The parent was out on 2 separate occasions for a period of about 30 minutes, but says they were no more than 10 minutes from home either time and the older children could have contacted them on their mobile phone if there was a problem. They do not seem to think there is anything to worry about with the above scenario.

Is it just me or is this totally irresponsible? what would you do if this was your friend?

at 12 i was baby sitting regularly, i could change nappies, bath new borns and mix up formula. but then am exceedingly maternal. even after having 4 of my kids, one little look at a baby, or young child and i turn to pure mush.

does depend on the child. my kids at 12 wouldnt be able to cope with a whole evening babysitting a baby.

Oh, fo fuck's sake! If you've brought up a 12 year old who isn't capable of looking after a 12 month old awake never mind asleep then you've got bigger problems than your dh leaving them alone while he went for a run!

My DCs of 10 and 11 are perfectly capable of looking after a small child. As I type this, they are looking after their 4 year old brother, in the other room with the door shut. I am completely confident that they will try their utmost to keep him safe from any danger.

The point is, HOWEVER, that should he, say, fail to listen to their warnings and jump off the sofa and crack his head on the floor:

• would they know what to do?
• would they be able to comfort him (Mummy's boy) ?
• would they know the warning signs of concussion?
• would they be able to make a decision on whether to call an ambulance or not?
• would they be able to speak coherently to the 999 operator and answer their questions without panicking?

In the case of my older DCs, my answer to all the above questions would be, oh um yes, I think so, probably, maybe, I hope so, um yes.

BUT the most important question is

• would it be fair to put them in that position?

And my answer is a big fat NO

Which is why I am quite happy for my DCs to look after younger children, so long as, if there is a problem, I am available IMMEDIATELY. And that means not out jogging.

Bully for you. Others disagree

I am always amazed how the presence of a parent prevents fire. Does it work for earthquakes and meteor strikes as well?

Dont be ridiculous Seeker.

The point that I and others are trying to make is that accidents happen and it is in the best interests of everyone concerned to have an adult who is able to cope in an emergency present. A 12 year old would most probably panic in the even of say, a fire, and while yes there is also the chance that an adult would panic too, they are more likely to be able to think clearly about what they need to do to get everyone to safety.

Its too much responsibility to place on a childs shoulders. Who's fault would it have been if something had happened and the 12 year old hadnt been able to cope?

I have children that age. If i had a baby too i'm not sure i would leave them, no.

It doe also depend on the maturity of the kids. They would have to know exactly what to do if the baby awoke( no carrying up and down stairs etc) and i would probably only possibly, possibly, consider it if i was popping to the local shop for milk and was gone 10 mins tops.

The fact he did this to go for a run??? That would piss me off.

But what are the chances of the house spontaneously combusting in the specific 30 minutes the father is out of the house?

I doesn't have to be a house going up in flames, it could be a baby finding a small toy in its cot and choking, or even just waking up and becoming inconsolable because daddy or mummy isn't there.
I wouldn't want my baby crying for 30 mins, and i wouldn't want to put my older child in the situation of feeling panicky trying to get them to stop.

Obviously other people disagree, i still don't get why it is considered in one way and not another, but i wouldn't ever report anyone for it, i just hope nothing actually happens to children left alone looking after younger children.

I would just feel so, so guilty and shitty if my children were left like that, for something to go wrong, and i wasn't there to sort it out.
I have these feelings because i had a bad experience of being a child left in this position, it isn't something i would wish on any child, but i guess some people will always get away with nothing happening ( they are just lucky btw, not down to being a great parent ), and continue, and then othes who will have to look back with hindsight when something does eventually go wrong.

what an odd thread. Of course its fine to do this.

we live in a society where a child of sixteen will be given a house to live in on her own as well as money if she has a baby. Yet four years before, the same society thinks that child is incapable of looking after a 12 month old for half an hour?

please don't worry about our children, OTT, thats our job. Sticking to fretting about your own.

Why on earth would a baby be inconsolable when left with its older sibling for 30 minutes? Presumbly they have met before........!

" i guess some people will always get away with nothing happening ( they are just lucky btw, not down to being a great parent )"

Now thqt's where people go wrong. You are not lucky if nothing happens- you are spectacularly, insanely impossibly UNLUCKY if anything goes wron. And even more unlucky if the thing that goes wrong is at all serious.

Also its not luck if you have prepared properly. Upthread someone was going on about children starting fires with matches if left alone. If you're dimwitted enough to leave matches where children can get them, thats not bad luck, thats your own stupidity.

Please don't tell me not to worry about other peoples children, if that is the
message you want to put out, it is quite irresponsible.

Isn't it the same thing seeker

I think it depends in the child I let my friends 10 nearly 11 year old take my 2 year old (and have done for about a year) for a walk or to the park outside my house, she takes her 1 year old sister too, however I wouldn't let her 13 year old brother as he's not sensible enough.

If she'd been out all day I think that would be a bit much but not for short trips while they were napping.

My children don't need you concern, neither do other responsible parents that happen to make different choices to you. Its condescending and arrogant of you.

accident: 1.An unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury.

You can not forsee every potential senario for an accident, it is an unexpected event, reasonable mature adults have accidents in the house every day, so why is it unreasonable to assume that a child/children left alone can suffer the same fate?
Even more so, they are less capable to make a competent risk assesment.

Why are you constantly re-iterating the same point? We get your problem, and disagree. Dictionary definitions don't sway opinion.

It isn't really, i am not arrogant either, i don't feel superior at all, i am far from the perfect parent!
I am just aware of what can go wrong, so i don't understand why other people take certain risks.
You are being too offended, and defensive.

Because people are talking about potential accidents so flippantly, it doesn't have to be a house exploding! like that is the only potential damaging thing that could happen.
I don't think people take it seriously, that is what makes me feel a bit .

No I'm not, since its not even applicable to me.

You don't get why people do it.
People explain their reasoning.
You post again that you don't get why people do it.
People post again with sensible reasoning.
You post again that you don't get why people do it, and add in some "I hope nothing happens to the poor kiddies of neglected parents" posturing.
then you post again about how you don;t understand why people do it.

Why?

*neglectful, rather.

And sure, no-one but you takes their children seriously. How you must feel.

I did let my 12 old DD mind her baby brother on occasions. By the time she was 14 she had another baby brother and would bath him change his nappy (with terry nappy and pins). It depends on the 12 year old.