To wonder why so many parents stay at parties?

[Dancergirl]

I have just taken my dd to a party, the little boy was turning 5 and most of the guests were Reception children. I wasn't sure if I was staying or not but in the end another mum offered to drop dd home so I said goodbye to her and left.

It was a party in a sports hall with organised games. The birthday child's parents and grandparents were there in addition to the instructors so lots of adult help.

As I was leaving I couldn't help noticing that only a few parents had left; the others were sitting by the side while the children did the games.

This is NOT a dig at anyone, but I am curious why it's the done thing these days to stay at parties. I would understand if you had a particularly nervous or shy child but all the children were happily joining us and were settled.

I am sure years ago parents didn't stay at parties. So why the change?

Lorcana - do pipe down!

Attacking personally when you are losing an argument is a really crap strategy.

Voidka - i was attacked personally so was demonstrating to that poster that neither of us knows if the other is lying but to imply it or shout 'Troll' doesn't feel great to the recipient and is no way to have a discussion. She ( or he - could be I guess ) was very shrill and brow beating . Tbh |I would welcome her DC , my nanny is a trained paed nurse and would happily offer her as one to one support during party/play date if necessary and mum could then chill out and her kid could have some fun maybe ....
Do not think I am losing or winning discussion- it IS interesting learning about different styles of parenting and should prompt us all to think not get shriller and shriller and say infantile things like 'pipe down'. no.

You Nanny may well be a trained Paed nurse but I still wouldnt leave my child with her or you. Unless in her training she managed to learn my own DS's special series of grunts or how to calm him down when he is upset/angry/scared then she may as well be joe bloggs off the street.

lots of people have met me and dd from MN Lorcana. And protecting my extremely complex child is not 'shrill'
You made some ridiculous generalised assumptions and didnt like people pointing out the exceptions. Personally Im not a helicopter parent. My kids played out on the street, went camping alone at 14, 2 have backpacked round Europe.
But with SN and allergies (and they are real despite sneering) then parents need to stay. I'd love to leave dd at someones house. sadly it wont ever happen. Thats how it is.

I really don't see what the issue is - if a parent is happier staying, for whatever reason, then fine.

If a host is happy for a patent to drop and run, then fine.

I spent Sunday afternoon at a party (maybe the party the op was talking about) because I was avoiding the washing up.

If your child has sn, and you need to stay, or are happier staying, then obviously there is no problem. I was at a party where the birthday boy had a severe reaction to a cake (hidden nuts in the icing), and it was scary.

There is no way I would leave mine and run as in two out of three cases unless they have full one on one attention the entire time they could engage in behaviour dangerous enough to kill themselves or another child - plug socket and water play anyone?

So no.... unless I know said parent well enough to know they would adhere to that then there is no way I'd leave them. Why the fuck should they be excluded due to their mental disabilities?

Kal is very, very genuine and well known round here. To suggest she's ficticious is laughable.

dancegirl it's so much of a worry for me as DS food allergies are only ketchup. He avoids it like the plaque. It's his environmental allergies that are the concern - hence why I spent 4 hours in a car park on an outdoor country park party whilst he had fun.
Also an older child like my DS can often tell themselves when a reaction starts and administer their own AH and/or epi-pen. It's about knowing the child, environment, party hosts etc. I wouldn't leave my DS with Lorcana because she doesn't believe in all this allergy crap. Another parent actually heli'd at a soft play party when DS was 6 (not party mum!). I was in cafe with other parents (rush hr and too far to go home and back, no where local to go to) She actually put ketchup on DS plate despite him telling her he's allergic. And then told him just to leave it if he didn't like it. I've never left him at a party when she's around

Each party has to be judged on it's risks.

Kal - if you felt so inclined you could take your party planning challenge over to Shirley's party advice thread (in parties & celebrations - can't do links from 'phone....)

lorcan sn child be ok . lol How is your signing skills and your first aid or epilepsy and admister midazlom .There are very few people that I can safely leave ds with and can tell you now you or anyones nanny does not feature on that list

But we're talking about extreme cases here and of course in the case of SN or allergies etc you would stay with your child, who wouldn't? Those are real risks. But I think we're getting away from the point which is not about SN or allergic children.

lorcana erm i know Kal and her dd is very real and a stunner and i am not phased by epilepy or chainging pads or using ahoist .But I would ask Kal to stay becuase if her dd ran into a problem .She woud need someones full attentions

Same as my ds3 if he fitted he would need the sole attention of an adult , not astrese dout parent who is trying watch him and 30 other dc and deal with ambulances etc

Dancer girl

In some ways your right my other dc without sn I do dump and run but I aways play by ear and yes where can depend to if to far since I dont drive I would very likely stay

Think its Lorcan stiffing things up

Argh, my daughter will be 5 in April and I am dreading parents wanting to stay. My house is tiny but she really wants the whole class (only 12 children but still) and, as all the other parties so far have been whole class and it's her first big party, I have said yes.

We will just about manage as long as the parents don't come too! I don't mind if the children have allergies, special needs or are just plain disruptive. I'm a teacher and will deal with it all as long as I can move without falling over parents standing around awkwardly because there's nowhere for them to sit (or in fact stand!)

Even if I could afford to hire a venue I wouldn't want other parents there because, despite being a teacher and very outgoing with children and friends, I'm very anxious around adults I don't know and would find it really hard to host a party with other adults there. Sort of the opposite to an anxious child wanting a parent there I suppose!

I don't know if it's the norm for parents to stay at our parties because I don't stay myself.

Mainc but even as a teacher you would admit if was certain sn sureley you would prefer the parent to help .I honestly can not and would not expect bar a fe wpeople to leave ds 3 .

Exception is close family and his sn club staff becuase they are trained and ds3 has known them since he was 4 .Ds3 can not go back to school till teacher has been traine dto use midalzloam and when to adminster and were fortunate that high enough staff-pupil ration to mange when he fits

I think sn came up because of unpleasant sneering at 'allergy mums' as if they didnt exist

I always left ds, except for any parties where I was either helping or dd was invited to as well.
never left dd and never will, love the parties she goes to as all parents stay and it is nice.

humancatapult, yes, in the case of PMLD type SNs I would be clueless so I guess I would want help, you're right.

But in a case such as that, the parent wold be too busy focusing on their child to pay any attention to me so I'd be okay!!

Mind you, there is a big difference between a house, and a party at a soft play/sports hall. I wouldn't stay at a house party with my two, unless specifically invited (no SN), but soft play/ sports hall - why is it a problem?

hehe i win the lottery then Kal and her dd and Seven and her dd and glitters dc and my dc and all sibings were have one heck of a party adds notes to make ur ehave some fast runners for pushing

When my DDs were young I stayed at parties until they were 5 and so did most of the other parents. My youngest is now 20 so it's nor a new thing.

I just ask the parents, would you like me to stay or drop off? Its not difficult! Can quite understand people wanting to stay, every child is different.

Wow, somebody really has a problem here! Making out children are fictitious??

Manic - if you go for having it at home, I would be inclined to put a note on the invitation to the effect of "we don't really have room for lots of people, so it would be easier if parents don't stay for the party - please let me know if this will be a problem" and see what happens.

Much harder to take that line if the party is in a massive hall

Agreed glitterkittens I think some posters want to be offensive as possible on here today.

"some posters" also let their 5 year old watch The Blair Witch Project so I would discount anything they said about how to parent