AIBU to be annoyed with my SIL?

[RoxanneY]

I will be honest and say my SIL are not on great terms since I got married...think typical MILs getting jealous their son has been taken away from them and she's the same but with her brother...my DH. We agreed back in April that we would wipe the slate clean and start again for my DH's sake, and we would both think before speaking to avoid 'acidentally' upsetting one another.

Classic comment from her to me ''these jeans are massive, they'll fit you'' - I am a size 10/12 hardly 'massive', and even if I was, not the way to speak to someone!

Another classic from her was at a family meal and DH announced I was pregnant and she promptly announced over the table 'Dad...Dad...Guess what I'm pregnant too!' - of course she.was not pregnant, just attention seeking. She is 26 by the way....

Anyway I just found out that she asked DH to take my 7 week old.DS to her flat without me so I could have some time to myself and she can learn to look after DS whilst DH watches football with her boyfriend. AIBU to feel annoyed 1. She has gone behind my back and asked DH not me (I am the mum, therefore I feel it is my place to decide childcare arrangements if required and I also feel she wants me out of her way so she can show off) 2. I am not ready to leave my DS yet, especially when he has his first cold which DH told her about before she made the invitation.

But the OP hasn't told her DH how she feels.

Did I miss the bit where the SIL said she didn't want the OP there? My understanding was that she wanted to give the OP a break. Maybe I accidentally skipped that though.

Btw, we don't know what kind of conduct the OP had in the past. She may have been horrible to her SIL. SIL sounded a little bit catty, but that's it really. I presume the OP would've told us if she done something truly heinous.

Personally, I think it's better to assume that people love their friends and family, rather than secretly suspecting they are thinking 'fuck off and let me have the baby'.

For me the SIL doesn´t want to see her brother alone as her boyfriend will be there.

So why isn´t all of the family invited?

Exactly, forehead. Why is it a favour to have someone who clearly doesn't like you and resents you taking your baby for the afternoon?

She sounds very strange, OP. What happened when she said she was pregnant, too?

Because she thinks it would be nice to give her SIL a break from a poorly baby because she has no kids and doesn't understand that the OP wants her baby with her because the OP hasn't told anyone that ?

Because SIL said she wanted to give the OP a break. If it was a family gathering, it would be weird if the OP wasn't invited. This wasn't sold by the OP as a family gathering though.

Why can't some of you just give SIL the benefit of the doubt and believe that she might just want to do something nice for a new mother? If she's moved on from the past problems with the OP, it would stand to reason she'd want to be there to help, wouldn't it?

Haha, looks like you're reaching the end of your patience with this too, hathorinareddress!

I'm rehashing what was already said. Personally I find it outrageous, the OP thinks she has exclusive parental rights over and above those of her husband. Mini dictator springs to mind. No wonder the ILS don't care for her much. Jealous of a sibling relationship.

But then surely you invite everyone but say if X doesn´t want to come that´s OK?

Not bring baby but leave wife so that she can have a break?

I totally agree with Karma

I simply would not trust anyone with my child who did not like me and did not want me around. I dont give the benefit of the doubt regarding something as precious as my baby.

She said in the past that she told dh she wasn't happy with the secret chats and it caused an 'almighty row', so now she feels she has to be nice.

I think the dh needs to make it clear to his sister that his wife is his first priority, that he is loyal to her and will defend her. If he's behaving contrary to that and sneaking off with his sister to chat privately, when the Op is there, and arranging to take the baby to sil's without the OP, then she has every right to feel unhappy. Perhaps if her husband didn't seem to collude with his sister, against her, the relationship between sil and OP would improve.

But the baby is going with his FATHER

SUPPOSE A WOMAN WAS POSTING SAYING MY DH WON'T LET ME TAKE THE BABY OUT UNLESS HE KNOWS WHERE I'M GOING AND WHO I'M SEEING AND WHEN I'LL BE BACK

You'd all be singing a different tune then.

I'm singing with you hath

x-posted trois

I think the OP needs to come back with more details, because without them, we are going around in circles and it all comes down to us taking what was said in two different ways.

That's not what the OP has said though.

I would feel that a man had the right to object if his IL's said to the mum, 'you come round with the baby, but not the baby's dad'.

To a degree, you're right karma. But she has already said she knows it's best to assume her SIL has good intentions. If there was more to this, and the SIL really was a horrible person, I think the OP would've said so. And she wouldn't assume the SIL had good intentions.

Benefit of the doubt, people. She wasn't even asking to be left alone with the baby! I feel really sorry for her. Sounds overwhelmingly likely she was just trying to do something nice. I hope she never finds out the OP was thinking so badly of her. :(

Karma - on that I agree, we need more details and really even the OP doesn't know what was said because she wasn't there.

But it all depends what was said - my mum could say "why don't you bring the kids round and let DP finish xyz" - it doesn't mean she'd be excluding him, just give him a break to get on with something.

Yes, that's true, it's all in the tone.

Yes, OP has said that the best should be assumed, but also that she feels that she is being sidelined.

Of course the husband should be able to visit his sister with the baby.

I don´t think that OP is saying no to that-but that she would rather be there also?

I do remember when mine were tiny & visitors in my own house were holding them & I was desperate to have them back.

I suppose it was different for us as we lived away so family visits were always a day at least so no thought of anyone not going at that stage.

And of course responses on here are often coloured by our own experiences.

If this was my problem, I would expect SIL to come to me and make this offer to my face and convince me that her intentions were entirely for my benefit and an opportunity to get to know my son.

As for 'learning to look after' my DS, she can go and practice on somebody elses baby. Not mine.

I understand the comments about giving her the benefit of the doubt, I used to be like that but I made errors of judgement, trying to believe the best in people. I believe the best if everybody until they prove me wrong, they only do that once though, these days!

I don't know what the sils intentions are , but the fact is that the baby is too young to be away from it's mother, End of

Rubbish and by saying end off you sound like a teenager on a chat show. So at 7 weeks a baby cant be with its own Father if the Mother is not there is that what you are saying? Because OPs baby would be with its own Dad.

'of' everybody

Basically, then, a father cannot take a 2 month old baby (almost) out for a couple of hours on his own without his wife going with him?

I despair. I really do.