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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with dd1 teacher.

558 replies

lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:03

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! Shock dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her Hmm
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

OP posts:
ATaleOfTwoCollisions · 10/02/2012 22:04

I am not sure RJ is the best spokesperson for Jw's if she used to be one but left!

ATaleOfTwoCollisions · 10/02/2012 22:05

Is this helping people understand more? I feel I've thread hijacked sorry.

No, this is not helping at all...........poor Lisa!

Alambil · 10/02/2012 22:06

And as for forcing my dd to be different, I'm sorry but what's wrong with being different? I would rather she be different and have the strength to stand up for what she believes in than be a sheep and bow to peer pressure

Damn right!

YANBU at all

ATaleOfTwoCollisions · 10/02/2012 22:07

oooh hello LewisFan - how are you?

rhondajean · 10/02/2012 22:08

Unlike many who have left though, I have no bitterness at all and I'm still happy to count many of them as friends.

I just found what I wanted in life incompatible with the lifestyle.

I'm hoping by explaining it to others it helps see there is a lot more to it than the birthday issue and makes them a bit more understanding overall.

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte · 10/02/2012 22:09

I am vegetarian and I wholly believe it is the right way to live.

My children aren't.

HTH

ATaleOfTwoCollisions · 10/02/2012 22:09

So why did you leave then?

rhondajean · 10/02/2012 22:11

I think I was quite clear on why I left.

And I don't think that's the point.

SecretMinceRinser · 10/02/2012 22:11

They may be at the cutting edge of non-blood treatments but they are also at the cutting edge of massively playing up the risks of donor blood to keep their followers in line.
Also you can have a healthy life-prolonging lifestyle whilst being willing to receive the most appropriate and effective medical treatment for yourself and your children - the two aren't mutually exclusive.

ATaleOfTwoCollisions · 10/02/2012 22:12

I skimmed at the beginning so I shall re-read now................

girliefriend · 10/02/2012 22:12

Haven't read the whole thread but am a bit Confused as to why eating sweets for someone elses bday would be against your beliefs?

Are bdays seen as religious? Am so confused!

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2012 22:12

I am not sure RJ is the best spokesperson for Jw's if she used to be one but left!

She's done a very good job of answering some queries on here, regardless of whether she left or not.

And I don't think anyone sees her as a 'spokesperson' any more than they'd see anyone else on this thread.

rhondajean · 10/02/2012 22:16

I do not intend to be a spokesperson, but I do have a bit of knowledge on the topic, and as the op started this, I would not like to see it become a bunfight, though no doubt it will.

I know some lovely and genuine people who have these beliefs. I feel the ops stance did not give a true representation of the religion I'm afraid.

I can explain things without needing to believe or practice them!

BlackLashes · 10/02/2012 22:17

As a teacher I can understand why the teacher would do that. He was just trying to make sure your child was included. Other children can be incredibly cruel to other children they deem as different. He prob just didn't want her to feel left out. He prob should not have told her you wouldn't need to find out, but really he has apologised. He had your child's best interests at heart.

IDoNotLIKEFun · 10/02/2012 22:18

I can't believe the cheek of any canvasser asking a child to let him into the house.

Even vampires have the courtesy to wait for an invitation.

rinabean · 10/02/2012 22:20

girliefriend, it's idol worship. As is Christmas.

My grandma's a JW and she gives me birthday presents. Not on my birthday, and not for my birthday, but she does. You can live by your religion (and she did - what rhondajean says about infidelity and forgiveness is totally true) and still fit in with society a little. She's a staunch JW, she does see herself as apart from sinful modern society (she doesn't call it that, but she doesn't call it the world either, as JWs are of the world, I can't recall the term) but there's no reason to make a big deal about a sweet. And, knowing what I know about it, being JW as a child myself, I feel desperately sorry for your children. I'm glad to hear the authority figures they meet also do.

PattiMayor · 10/02/2012 22:20

I think rhonda has done a very good and dispassionate job of explaining the mysteries of jw actually. And I hope this doesn't turn into a bunfight

ATaleOfTwoCollisions · 10/02/2012 22:22

There are no mysteries of JW. Shock

CoralRose · 10/02/2012 22:22

OP - Have glossed over thread as too long to read through, but I would just like to say one thing;

You will be very lucky if your children don't end up resenting you when they are older.

and I think you're massively being unreasonable imposing such extreme beliefs onto minors

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 10/02/2012 22:24

IdoNot I know! I was shocked! And pleased (and proud) that DS1 had grasped the concept of 'do NOT open the door, until the person has told you who they are, and I have said OK'

Grin at the Vampires!

PattiMayor · 10/02/2012 22:24

Well it's pretty mysterious to me. I knew that birthdays and most celebrations weren't err celebrated but I didn't know that wedding anniversaries were. So I've learned something :)

dikkertjedap · 10/02/2012 22:25

Thanks Rhonda, I think you have done a great job clarifying things and answering lots of questions.

lockets · 10/02/2012 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rhondajean · 10/02/2012 22:26

My mum does that too rinabean. I find it rather sweet and sometimes sad. It's their choice, but it's not an easy one.

ATaleOfTwoCollisions · 10/02/2012 22:26

OP - Have glossed over thread as too long to read through, but I would just like to say one thing;

You will be very lucky if your children don't end up resenting you when they are older.

and I think you're massively being unreasonable imposing such extreme beliefs onto minors

How ridiculous! No brainwashing is included in the JW faith. People make their own choices based on what they read in the Bible. There will be some who do not want to carry on as a JW but there are plenty who will want to.....who want a better life for their family and who can see that the scriptures fulfil prophecy.