To be upset with dd1 teacher.

[lisad123]

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

That must go down well in these days of attendance ishoos - are the school happy with a week's absence because of this every year then?

The teacher WBU if he told your DD to lie. Personally I can't see the harm in a child accepting some sweets/making a card for a religious ceremony etc etc. My DS' go to a CofE school, and we go to Church most Sundays. They still make Eid (and other non-Christian festival) cards, I don't have a problem with it at all. They are taught that this is what some people believe (the school has a large number of Muslim children) and that is OK/acceptable/whatever. And that some people don't believe in Jesus/God/Allah, which again is OK/fine/whatever.

I was fucking pissed off with the JW that knocked my door when I was in the bath last week though! DS1 shouted through the door 'who is it' (he is allowed to open if it's Daddy/Grandma/someone he knows) and the man shouted back 'Hello can you let me in?'
DS said 'Mummy is in the bath. Who is it? Mummy said can you come back later'
The man persisted banging, so I got out the bath, opened the door in a towel, and was told 'you look like you need saving. Take this to look at, and maybe I'll call back at a more convenient time'

To clarify again.

Jw children would not be permitted to take part in anything at school tht constituted part of the worship around Christmas, as this is viewed as actually being instigated by the devil and therefore worshipping him.

Tht would include the Christmas carol singing, nativity play, trip to the church.

However taking part in art activities etc is easily enough handled. Eg while others made Christmas cards, I would use the same technique to create a card but rather than putting happy Christmas on it, I would put say to mum and dad.

The religion does not believe in offending others. The advice for example if given a card was to say, thank you, I'm touched you thought of me, it's very kind, you do realise I don't celebrate so I won't be giving you a card in return but I do hope you enjoy your holidays. Or similar.

rhonda - did you not go to school the week before Xmas? How did you feel when you weren't allowed to do the stuff that all the other children in your class did, no matter what religion they were? I just can't imagine how that feels

We have agreement with school about pulling dd out of school. It's easier for the teacher and while it goes down as unauthorised it's never been a problem.
She is always in school and never off unless sick.
No it's not something that is recommend in our religion, but something we choose to do.

Do you have no tolerance at all for other religions OP?

And do you not want your kids to tolerate them?

We're living in a diverse, multicultural society...one your children will be growing up in.

What's wrong with designing a Christmas card as part of their school work?

My DS designed an invitation to the Queen's Jubilee at Buckingham Palace but it doesn't mean he's going to go there does it?

OP yanbu to expect your DD's teacher not to undermine you.

however YABVU to say 'I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs'

Not at all Worral. As I have already said the girls learn about others beliefs and are also told to be respectful of others beliefs including things like not telling about Santa and being polite when people give an invitation ect.
We just aren't willing to join in to celebrations.
How many of us would join in ramadan, lent, ect if it was something we didn't believe in?

To answer patti, it never really bothered me, but i have a very erm forceful personality. I recognise as a religion it attracts and helps some people but where we went our separate ways was when it interfered with my right to an education and a career (post school) I had a difficult childhood but I personally and honestly never felt bad about doing different things.

It was what I was used to. And we we taught to pity the disbelievers who were going to die.

Wait until Ofsted come along and give them an attendance target that they HAVE to meet. There will be a lot less silence then, believe me.

But accepting a sweet is being polite...not joining in with celebrations.

I'd die of embarrassment if someone gave my child a Diwali sweet and he refused it, when all that person is trying to be is nice.

As for joining in with Eid and Diwali etc...yes of course I join in and so do my kids if we're invited to do so.

Even our local Church and Mosque send each other gifts/cards as a mark of respect for their respective holy days.

I'm not sure what you mean about 'joining in with Ramadan and Lent' because I wouldn't take part in a fast if I wasn't part of that religion...that would cross the line from appreciating celebrations and actually practising someone else's faith

So, if an RE lesson involved making an Eid card, or acting out a play about Diwali, you could do that? But not designing an Easter card? A lot of things schools do are about learning about Christianity too, with only a small number (eg a service at a church) bring worship-type in nature. I don't see why JW should not learn about other Christian religious practices.

YABVU to say 'I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs'

A nine year old does not hold her own beliefs, she holds your beliefs.

I have no particular beef with JW but the brainwashing and manipulation of children by all religions is something I cannot stomach. Religion is an adult thing that you should come to personally not something you should indoctrinate young minds with. If it is worth while then they will come to it as adults.

My guess would be that the number of nine year old girls that have come to the JW faith independently is zippo. Therefore all nine year old girls practising JW have been brainwashed into it.

Thanks for replying rhonda. My friend at school was a very talented artist and wanted to go to art college like I did. His parents pulled him out of school just before we did our A levels and I would see him around every now and then with his Watchtower. He would pretend he didn't know me and, to this day, it breaks my heart. This was 30 years ago and I can still remember his whole name and wonder if he ever got to follow his dream.

OP-do you even acknowledge bdays at all?

I can´t really see handing out sweets at school as a celebration tbh.

No it's. Ot just other forms of Christianity, it's all religion.

RE is acceptable RI would not be.

There are several pieces of jw literature that explain other beliefs and why they are wrong. They are not expected to know nothing about others beliefs, or to belittle them in any way.

Actually come to think of it

You're very lucky that the school doesn't display the same level of religious intolerance that you do.

Patti I believe the guidance on post school education was changed in the last few years. I admit to no longer reading the literature but I left on good terms as it were and I get told whats going on.

I am sorry he ignored you, they are always taught to be polite to others. I find the waste of talent far worse than any questions about making cards and eating sweets to,be honest, and I am sometimes quite proud I had the strength to stand up for myself, although it took me five years post school to gather it.

"There are several pieces of jw literature that explain other beliefs and why they are wrong."

I don't get this. JW children cannot accept things that are not to do with their religion but I am expected to listen to JW beliefs and even take a magazine every week when they knock on my door. Sounds like a very one sided affair.

It does not sound like a very tolerant religion, and being a nurse, I cannot reconcile how children can be refused the right to live.

Patti have you tried googling him?

Is it not true that JW is the only religion where a child can be made a ward of court in order to protect against extreme views with regard to blood transfusion etc?
I think it is up to you how you raise your children and the school should respect that but I am very sorry for the children.