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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with dd1 teacher.

558 replies

lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:03

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! Shock dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her Hmm
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

OP posts:
lorcana · 11/02/2012 16:46

We don't tolerate female genital mutilation of little girls in the name of religion in this country so WHY are we tolerating the emotional and psychological abuse of a 9 year old child ? The more you say Lisad123 the more worried I have become. Horrible.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:48

rhonda...how do you mean?

seeker · 11/02/2012 16:48

"How many of you know of the full risks of blood transfusions? The other safer options that are available to all and the belief that many doctors have about the benefits of not using blood?
I am fully aware of many peoples problem with Jw refusing blood transfusion. "
So, lisad123- your child has a blood transfusion or dies. Which is it going to be?

RenderedSpeechless · 11/02/2012 16:48

hi rhonda. i agree with your last post. however i rather suspect that op thought she'd take her chances, given the opening lin of her op.

however, i am really interested to know you thoughts on the questions i posed a short while ago. im really interested in your take if poss. thanks

ErnesttheBavarian · 11/02/2012 16:50

By the way it is Christmas not Xmas. Celebrating the birth of Christ. Whether you choose to celebrate it or not. Insisting on writing X doesn't make it magically disappear or is mentioning the name Christ also wrong? Do you also say 'exmas'

I asked what the school said about you taking your dd out of school. You didn't answer, you just repeated why you did. But I really don't see how you having different religious beliefs entitles you to do what you want wrt school attendance, and wondered how the school felt about it?

And denouncing Christmas and Easter as pagan, but then sending happy spring/winter cards.
Don't you see any irony?

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 16:51

Rendered my personal view?

I mean that without mentioning the reason for not having the sweets, which is emotive, people would be likely to think Lisa was nbu.

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 16:51

Sorry the second part was to feminine.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:52

All the witnesses I know are really great. The community they provide is very welcoming. Most of them (however) choose to ignore what really gets spoon fed at meetings.

Its not pretty...

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 11/02/2012 16:54

If the OP had said she was Muslim, or Jewish, and her DDs teacher had given her sweets containing pork gelatine, and told her not to tell her Mum, would everyone still say it was OK?

If the OP then went on to say that the DD had time of to celebrate Eid/Divali/insert festival of choice here, would people think that should be unauthorised absence?

I suspect not!

And I am aware that the scenarios are not exactly the same, but if the school would allow 5 days off for a holiday/religious festival (which most would) then there is no difference imo.

featherbag · 11/02/2012 16:54

Feminine, don't most religions teach dire eternal consequences for being a non-believer? JWs believe that after Armageddon, all non-believers will die and simply remain dead, while JWs will live forever in paradise on earth, having been resurrected if already dead. Do you have the same problem with, for example, the Catholic teachings of Hell?

lorcana, don't be ridiculous. The OP is not emotionally or psychologically abusing her child, they simply have a different set of beliefs to you.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:54

Ok rhonda :) I see.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 16:54

People are mostly great. It's a shame when they feel the need for someone who wrote a book once to tell them what is right and what is wrong

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 11/02/2012 16:55

But the whole point is the OP withdraws her child NOT to observe a religious festival, that would make it an unauthorised absence.

cherrypieplum · 11/02/2012 16:57

Hm a bit misguided on the teacher's part if you ask me. I'd have a chat to find out what happened for certain.

insanityscratching · 11/02/2012 16:59

Rhonda can I ask a question please?

Why do JW seem reluctant to allow their children to be highly educated?

A couple of girls my dd was friends (in so far as you can be friends with people who weren't allowed to meet up with you outside of school) could have gone to university but instead they left school and seem to spend their days pushing the watchtower and will be married in the next year.

It's not only the girls though their two brothers did the same, work as window cleaners with their father/uncle and were married before they'd left their teens, why?

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 11/02/2012 16:59

But all the schools I have ever heard about would allow a week of to go on holiday, which if the op chose she could say she was. I don't see the difference between a holiday (as in going somewhere) and a week off to stay at home.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 17:01

Insanity - true of other religions ..........

Feminine · 11/02/2012 17:01

feather

Maybe you should take a look at some witness publications from the 50's? there are lovely pictures of folk perishing and burning...the 'believers' are appearing quite elated!

Its the same faith...they have just altered some dates in recent years Wink

I don't really think teaching the catholic hell one is all that comforting either.

JW's also believe that in the 'new system' loins will eat hay Confused

My Mother (apparently) will be returned to eternal youth ,and will look about 25!

The list is endless.

I will say again though, I like JWs.

ImperialBlether · 11/02/2012 17:02

It seems such a miserable religion to me. Many children will cite Christmas and birthdays as amongst the happiest times of their lives.

How can it be right for your child to wear a headscarf when visiting other religious places (something I find very hard to believe) and not to eat a sweet that a birthday girl has given her?

I'd be in your teacher's position, I'm afraid. I'd feel very sorry for your child to have to be excluded.

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 17:03

I believe the guidance on this has changed recently insanity. As far as I could ever work out, it was because learning is wearisome and detracts time and attention from humans real purpose which is to praise and worship god. They firmly believe in basic level education, but to go on to university is a vanity. I'm not phrasing it too well sorry.

And of course they believe the world will end very soon so it's a bit of a waste of time. Being able to read etc though is good so you can read your literature.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 17:03

Oh , and the higher education thing...my niece has just been accepted in to 3 of the most top achieving colleges here (US)

Her Father would like her to not bother Confused

No women in higher positions in the Faith is kind of limiting also.

crunchbag · 11/02/2012 17:05

INeed the dd is allowed the sweets, she is just not allowed to accept them as part of a birthday celebration. Your comparison to offering muslims pork is therefore not accurate.

The general consensus here was that the teacher shouldn't have said what he did but most people understand his reasoning behind it.

RenderedSpeechless · 11/02/2012 17:05

hi rhonda, this thread has become a q&a session with you. i hope you dont mind. i am genuinely interested and yes, would like to know your personal view on how these points i made are reconciled with jw.

as i said, have jw family members, so dont mean to have a dig or go at anyone specifically or the faith in general.

featherbag · 11/02/2012 17:10

I'd be interested to see the publications you talk about Feminine, there was never any talk of anyone 'burning' when I was a JW! The 'after death' thing is one of the things I don't like about religion as a whole, they all seem to have their believers living in fear of dying. I have to say though, as far as I remember, JW taught that death was nothing to fear, whether a believer or not.

Insanity, I can answer that one, as it's one of the main reasons I left the faith as a teenager. Higher education is seen as a waste of time, as life should be spent teaching others about 'the truth' and devoting oneself to it. Work is done simply to earn enough money to be able to live and serve, not to be the main focus of life. A lot of men worked as window cleaners in our congregation, a few of them ran a window round together. It meant they could also earn money while ensuring their hours of work never intefered with the needs of the congregation.

lorcana · 11/02/2012 17:13

Featherbug I am most certainly NOT being ridiculous - I have worked in the area of child abuse for 20 years. Girls of OP's childs age are subjected to FGM due to a different set of religious beliefs to mine and many others - it is wrong and abusive and some of these children are removed from theor families or subject to CP. I also see many children emotionally abused and they are often much more damaged than physically harmed children. OP is causing her child to excluded and marginalized and made to feel apart and different to all her friends. She is kept out of school , not permitted to celebrate her birthday or tat of her friends and not eat a sweey fgs lest she go to hell no doubt. The child must be emotionally torn and divided every single day - she lives in two worlds - one saying 'itks a celebration it's fine ' the other saying ' no you can't do this it's wrong '. No doubt OP will be along to minimize and say her dd doesn't mind and understnds it and is very committed to her faith blah blah. Bollocks. Is abuse pure and simple.