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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with dd1 teacher.

558 replies

lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:03

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! Shock dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her Hmm
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

OP posts:
coraltoes · 11/02/2012 17:14

Any religion which uses door to door sales techniques makes me wary. Any that makes children feel excluded from their peers makes me doubly so.

Op, what will you do if your kids want to go to uni?

featherbag · 11/02/2012 17:20

Lorcana, I was that child! I was part of a different 'world' to my schoolmates, and had a lot of experiences that they were excluded from. I think the OP is possibly a little over-zealous with the not allowing 'birthday' sweets, and definitely is with the keeping DC out of school before Christmas, but she is not abusing her child. A JW child, in my experience, is part of a large and loving community that does a lot together. Not celebrating birthdays or Christmas, etc., isn't abusive at all when the DC has many other things to look forward to. JWs don't believe in Hell, so I can assure you this will not be worrying the DC! I think I'm better placed to comment on it than you TBH, as I have personal experience and you don't even know what JWs believe!

insanityscratching · 11/02/2012 17:21

Thank you Rhonda and Feather.

Is early marriage encouraged also then?

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 11/02/2012 17:25

crunchbag I did say that my comparison was not 100% accurate. I am also aware of what people have said, as I have followed the entire thread. The reason I made the comparisons, is because would people understand the teachers reasoning if the child were Muslim? No I suspect they would say the OP wnbu and the the teacher was out of order.
And someone said that the week off that the op's dd has should be unauthorised. I fail to understand why this is any different to taking a child on holiday in term time.

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 17:29

Can I say my experiences echo feathers.

Rendered, I'm not quite sure I have your question properly, but for me personally, it's one of the things I can't reconcile with my beliefs. I think all these minor rules remove the focus from the true spirit of jesusmteaching, which is to look after each other. I also personally find it difficult when an organisation tells you we will explain to you why others beliefs are wrong, I it it would be wrong for you to read their beliefs directly, or to read anything which criticises us. I am an avid reader and analyser and researcher by nature.

About early marraige. Marriage is not recommended at all as it brings a burden which again detracts from worshipping god as you have to take care of another person, but if you feel that your need for sexual intimacy is so strong that you are likely to commit a sin otherwise then you should be married in order to be able to meet those needs in the sanctity of the marraige bed. I don't think tht is particularly different from many Christian faiths?

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 17:30

Ineed,, taking a child on holiday in term time is unauthorised absence though.

insanityscratching · 11/02/2012 17:33

Maybe it's just among the families (4 large extended families) in our village then but they all seem to be married really early certainly before their twenties anyway.

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 17:36

In practice that's what happens. Teens are notoriously bad at abstinence. I was trying to explain the organisational stance.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 11/02/2012 17:39

I don't know anyone who's term time holidays havent been authorised!

featherbag · 11/02/2012 17:41

Rhonda, we were always told that marriage and family brought glory to God and were entered into as a 3-way contract between husband, wife & God. I never heard anyone suggest marriage was not to be encouraged, rather that it was to be celebrated! I guess like all religions there are variations of interpretation.

PattiMayor · 11/02/2012 17:44

Depends on the school Inabnn - they view it extremely dimly in ours.

Can I ask what the difference is between having a present day for a child on a random day in the year, and having a birthday where people give them presents? Aren't they both 'celebrating' the child? Confused

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 17:45

No your right feather - I think the first stance was based on one of Paul's letters (he was a right old mysoginist wasn't he!) that it was better to remain unmarried. I find I can't remember chapter and verse any more! But marraige itself once entered into was sacred.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 17:46

Well feather, just google what I talked about...its all there links etc...I am not basing my feelings/opinions on what I found there however.-I have the benefit of relatives that keep publications for decades! :)

The WATCHTOWER has become a lot more 'user friendly' over the last 20 years or so. Headquarters no longer give out dates to look out for, as SURPRISE SURPRISE the world is still here.

The founder of the witnesses (Charles T Russell) originally found his inspiration in the pyramids!

Many people in the congregation no longer believe much of what is taught these days...they go for community and companionship. Oh, and the fact that if you leave you don't end up with many friends from your past life.

lorcana · 11/02/2012 17:48

I do not know the detail on JW belief Featherbug Although I know a bit and have been involved in CP cases involving both JW and FGM children. From what the OP has posted I would be concerned about her child - I could be wrong as do not know all details of her life etc - even if she was part of JW community. As for her family loving her/doing their best , sure they are BUT most abusive families do love their children and are often doing their best.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 17:48

Many couples I know used to say they were "waiting for the new system" to have children.

They are all parents now Wink

featherbag · 11/02/2012 17:50

Your constant mention of FGM in comparison with JW beliefs is quite distasteful, and not a fair comparison at all!

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 17:51

Found it on google!he that gives his virginity in marraige does well, but he that Does not give it in marraige will do better- it's from 1 Corinthians, because they have more time to work on their relationship,with god which is the most important is the interpretation..

Ring a bell?

Feminine · 11/02/2012 18:12

I have NEVER met a witness family that practices FGM and

I have met witnesses from all over the world...

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 18:14

If the OP then went on to say that the DD had time of to celebrate Eid/Divali/insert festival of choice here, would people think that should be unauthorised absence?

Her child isn't taking time off to celebrate anything

So what's the point in your post?

diddl · 11/02/2012 18:19

"For those that say we cut yourself off, how is it that we go and knock on doors? "

Well it´s hardly just to be friendly, is it?

Why do you go door to door?

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 11/02/2012 18:26

Worra I have no idea what my point was, I thought it had a point when I made, but if I'm honest, fuck knows what it was! Sorry Grin

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 18:32
Grin
IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 11/02/2012 18:35

LOL sorry! hope your laptop/computer/ipad/whatever is ok!

PattiMayor · 11/02/2012 18:36

I think it's part of the deal that you're supposed to get people to join diddl. I suppose it's that or walking up and down outside Brixton tube with a megaphone shouting stuff about hearing the word of Jesus which is actually marginally more annoying (those aren't JWs though I don't think. They're a bit loud to be JWs)

featherbag · 11/02/2012 18:37

It does Rhonda, thanks, it's been a while!

Diddl, they go door to door as they believe it is their responsibility to give each and every person the information they need to make an informed decision, the outcome of which will determine whether they have everlasting life in an earthly paradise (as they see it). They know this is largely unpopular, and expect and accept ridicule and villification, seeing it as worth enduring to prevent anyone not getting the information they need to choose everlasting life.