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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with dd1 teacher.

558 replies

lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:03

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! Shock dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her Hmm
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

OP posts:
seeker · 11/02/2012 20:17

Please will any of the witnesses on this thread comment on my posts?

featherbag · 11/02/2012 20:22

Alistair, that's another JW belief I can't get away with. Homosexuality is a sin, specifically mentioned in the bible as an abomination. Homosexuals are not shunned, but approached the same way as any other sort of 'sinner', e.g., those living with a partner while unmarried, smokers, etc. - shown why their actions are unacceptable to God and offered help to 'change'. A homosexual relationship would not be tolerated, and someone describing themselves as homosexual would not be allowed to become a JW. They would be expected to give up the offending behaviour after a certain period of attending meetings and associating with JWs.

featherbag · 11/02/2012 20:22

Seeker, was my post about my experience of any use to you? Or do you only want to hear from a current JW?

Stay123 · 11/02/2012 20:23

Loosen up, it was a sweet for someone's birthday. My son's school celebrates Divali and we aren't Hindu. I let him join in as it makes everything easier for everyone. It is no big deal. If I can let my DS do that why can't you let your kid have a sweet?

ragged · 11/02/2012 20:25

I'm sorry this kicked off, OP.
I'm not a fan of JW (or any religion, really), but that's not the point. It would hardly be a big effort for the teacher to respect your beliefs, at least wrt the sweets.

I suppose that this thread shows that you will have to teach your DC to take these things with a shrug & a smile.

hocuspontas · 11/02/2012 21:11

During the day the class may have sung 'Happy Birthday' and the birthday child may have shown some of his or her presents. Would you have expected the teacher to send your dd out of the room at this point? Not being snippy, just interested in the expected protocol.

lorcana · 11/02/2012 21:42

FGM is physical abuse but what the OP is describing is emotionally abusive. Am not saying all JWs are abusive but what this OPis doing is ... Did NOT say anywhere that JWs practice FGM ??

Feminine · 11/02/2012 21:55

The reason Witnesses don't like to celebrate any other religious festivals/birthdays is because they *don't believe other faiths are the truth

They don't accept other faiths thats why you will hear them say things like "Oh, he/she is not in the TRUTH*"

Or "that was before I was in the truth"

I have said many time on this thread that if called on it, most JWs don't really believe the final outcome of armageddon. apart from my BIL who thinks we all have about 2 years

Its a cozy family if you play your cards right, if you don't its your worst nightmare.

All Kingdom Halls are welcome to all.

Sundays time varies
and a Thursday meeting at 7.

Original poster
lisad123 · 11/02/2012 22:13

Emotional abuse for not letting a child have bday and Xmas! Seriously?
Spent enough time working in SS myself to know what emotional abuse is and your suggestion is rude, and very hurtful!
You know nothing about me, I'm pretty sure that given the number of professionals involved in my family due to dds SN, would have called SS by now if they felt I was being abusive to my girls!

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123 · 11/02/2012 22:14

And no wouldn't ask for my dd to be removed during bday singing and cake, she is asked to sit respectfully.

OP posts:
CardyMow · 11/02/2012 22:44

On the issue of the teacher disrespecting your faith - YANBU. On the issue of the teacher telling your DD to lie to you - YAabsolutelyNBU. I'd be livid with that.

However, I DO have a large issue with JW as a religion. Not because of the lack of obvious celebrations. That is personal choice. But purely and simply because of the refusal of blood transfusions that meant that one of my very close friends DIED at just 14yo, because her parents refused her a blood transfusion after she was hit by a car. THAT is the issue I have with the JW religion.

I personally just CANNOT get my head around the fact that there are people in this country that would rather sit and watch their 14yo daughter die, rather than allow her a blood transfusion that would more than likely have saved her life. My friend's parents put their religion above the life of their own child, and that, to me, is just incomprehensible. I would happily DIE for my dc. I would give my OWN blood to them, I would scream for them to be given blood if it would save their life. And, IMO, that is the way it should be. As parents, we have a duty to put our child or childrens welfare above ALL else. And that means putting our child or childrens welfare even above our religion, IMO.

It is just incomprehensible to me the thought that some people let their child DIE rather than allow the doctors to give them a blood transfusion.

lorcana · 11/02/2012 22:58

Lisad123 - have you told CYPS the terrible story you have told us on this thread ? I am not concerned how you feel about my comments - it is how your child must feel everyday that bothers me.

EauDeLaPoisson · 11/02/2012 23:01

Hunty- I'm sorry but if a parent refuses blood for their child in an emergency the doctors WILL override their wishes if it's in the child's best interest. There is prob more to it than you are aware of

bobbledunk · 11/02/2012 23:06

It's very sad that a child is being raised to believe they can't join in celebrations. He felt sorry for her. yabu.

Heyyyho · 11/02/2012 23:13

I also feel for your little girl, who wouldn't?

I wonder if she will stay in this faith she has been born into. It seems so utterly wrong and a dreadfully negative religion. Very hypocritical too.

foreverondiet · 11/02/2012 23:23

I am not sure. We don't celebrate xmas (but do celebrate birthdays) and would be ok about my DC celebrating xmas at school because I think very hard for primary age children to be different from everyone else. As it happens my children go to a faith school (of their faith) but if they were at a mainstream school would let them be in nativity play / sing carols at school but tell them that we don't celebrate it at home.

I think if its so important not to celebrate birthdays then you need to find a faith school that supports this. I think very hard to be a child at school and watch all the other children celebrate their birthdays and not be able to take part.

Other things would be less negotiable eg food would need to be vegetarian, no birthday sweets with gelatine.

CardyMow · 11/02/2012 23:39

This was 16 years ago (when I was 14yo). She was left to die while the Doctors were trying to get hold of a duty SW. I was there in the hospital - I was WITH her when she was hit by the car that mounted the pavement, her parents were at work, I went in the ambulance with her, parents met us there at the hopsital.

vess · 12/02/2012 00:25

YABU, sorry. Making your child refuse a sweet at school because you don't believe in birthdays is way too ridiculous to comprehend and no wonder the teacher was feeling sorry for her.

seeker · 12/02/2012 06:29

"And no wouldn't ask for my dd to be removed during bday singing and cake, she is asked to sit respectfully."

honestly? sit respectfully? "Happy Birthday to you" isn't a hymn, you know!

my2centsis · 12/02/2012 07:34

I just read this whole thread I as many people do feel sad that the op's dd's don't get to celebrate Xmas and birthdays BUT I think it is utterly inexcusable the way some people are acting on this thread!

I find it rediculos that people are acusing the OP of being emotionally abusive as a child I was mentally, emotionally and physically abused and this situation is NOTHING like what I went through!

People are stating that OP is brainwashing her dd's do you think the same way about Christians who take their Kids to church??

The Op has not disrespected anyone elses faith or beliefs so why the heck do you all think it's ok to disrespect hers? I find it quite disgusting!

I personally font know much about JW BUT I do no that JW believe in what they believe in and I have no right whatsoever ever to question Their beliefs! As far as JW door knocking I have the same friggen christans banging on my door at least once a month reading me passages out of the bible, I personally don't believe it but I let them say their part give me a whiole bunch of god brochure's and they go on their way.

I do NOT understand why any parent would not allow their dying child a blood transfusion but then again I do not understand why people in very poor countries have more children that die of starvation, or people who allow their 13 yr old daughter be married. I don't understand arranged marrages or in Afganastan they trade wifes for goats!!!

My point being their are so many different religions and so many thing that are considered acceptable in different country's that I/we don't understand but it's not ok to judge and be disgustingly rude to someone because they think different to you!!!

OP YANBU dd's teacher was way out if line I also feel really sorry for you dd but he is her teacher and needs to respect her religion!!

Please dint feel you Have to answer bur if you dd's were to grow up and not want to be JW will you disown them as others have said parents do?

seeker · 12/02/2012 08:20

You seem to be suggesting that the people condemning jws for not allowing blood transfusions are simultaneously condoning other cultures forcing 13 year olds to marry or trading their wives for goats........

diddl · 12/02/2012 08:38

"And no wouldn't ask for my dd to be removed during bday singing and cake, she is asked to sit respectfully."

Then it does seem odd that she couldn´t accept a couple of sweets.

Original poster
lisad123 · 12/02/2012 08:47

No I would never disown my dds. My mum hasn't disowned my sisters or brother or me when I left. Why would I?

OP posts:
my2centsis · 12/02/2012 08:49

You know that's not what I was saying at all. You are just trying to be difficult

my2centsis · 12/02/2012 08:54

Sorry if what I asked caused offense Lisa that was not my intentions at all I was curious, I feel people on this thread have been unnecessarily rude to you, as long as you and your children are happy at the end of the day that is all that matters. My thoughts are with your dh I hope he gets better. My apologies again if I offended you