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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with dd1 teacher.

558 replies

lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:03

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! Shock dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her Hmm
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

OP posts:
ErnesttheBavarian · 11/02/2012 15:43

I'm truly amazed you keep your dd off school for a whole week prior to Christmas in order to avoid her doing Christmassy stuff. A whole weeks presumably unauthorised absence every year. How does the school deal with that or do they just let you get on with it? I used to teach in a school with kids who also didn't celebrate Birthdays, Christmas act (7th day adventists I think) but they didn't all have an extra long holiday every year.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 15:44

Yes OP, some people are showing the same sort of intolerance of your faith as you show for other faiths.

And you're right, it's all about choice.

Luckily as adults we get to make that choice for ourselves.

GossipMonger · 11/02/2012 15:47

Worra - am not sure why you are saying that Lisa is intolerant of other faiths.

If she hears of something from another faith then she probably looks it up, looks into the reason for that belief and makes an informed choice for herself.

I know of no JW's who are intolerant of other faiths.

BullieMama · 11/02/2012 15:50

All of the families at my school refuse to allow their childen to learn anything about any other faith so Gossip I will say that JW are intolerant of other faiths and beliefs

seeker · 11/02/2012 15:51

"I'm pretty sure of these comments had been said about any other religion that there would be major outrage."

Nope. I'm prepared to challenge any religion. But a religion that's less than 200 years old and which thinks a child should die rather than have a blood transfusion must expect a bit of scepticism. And as for the op not naming her faith- well you'd have to be pretty bloody ignorant not to know what she was talking about.

BullieMama · 11/02/2012 15:51

JW are not encouraged to find things out for themselves they are supposed to ask the elders for guidance

GossipMonger · 11/02/2012 15:55

JW are not encouraged to find things out for themselves they are supposed to ask the elders for guidance

another pile of bull -

Read what the Bible says about blood Seeker and then make your comments.

JW all have bloodless surgery these days and it is far less invasive than other surgeries. That is why they have set up a Hospital Liaison Committee to deal with bloodless surgery.

crunchbag · 11/02/2012 16:00

lisad123 your 'openingly offering to share our beliefs with others' is exactly the thing why people are negative regarding JW. No other religion comes to my door 'sharing' their beliefs uninvited or insist that I accept their leaflets and if I recline put them through the letterbox regardless.

The teacher apologised, isn't that enough? And him feeling sorry for you daughter means he cares about her, what is wrong with that?

lorcana · 11/02/2012 16:03

Still think this so wrong - bordering on the abusive. By all means take DC to your church and let them join in all the community aspects etc. But until she is old enough (18 at least imo) let her join in with birthday and other celebrations and have blood transfusions etc. What you are doing is ruining her childhood it is horrible and deeply upsetting to read about. Poor child. Poor poor child.

Original poster
lisad123 · 11/02/2012 16:04

How many of you know of the full risks of blood transfusions? The other safer options that are available to all and the belief that many doctors have about the benefits of not using blood?
I am fully aware of many peoples problem with Jw refusing blood transfusion.

As for taking her out of school, what is the point of sending her there for a week when all she will do is sit in the office and do very little. I would rather ensure she learnt something in that week. Xmas stuff starts as soon as they get back from half term in her school. The last week is spent making Xmas cards, watching Xmas plays, doing Xmas plays, carols and other Xmas stuff she can't join in. Why would I send her!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 16:05

Worra - am not sure why you are saying that Lisa is intolerant of other faiths

Because she is

She doesn't allow her children to accept Christmas cards

She doesn't allow her children to design and colour them in

She doesn't allow her children to design and colour in Valentine's cards

She doesn't allow her children to join in any celebrations that aren't related to being JW's.

She finds it difficult to believe that anyone else would allow their children to join in celebrations of other faiths (see the Ramadan/Lent comment)

It's all rather secular and intolerant imo.

lorcana · 11/02/2012 16:11

Again - WHY ? What harm will any of the Xmas activities do to her? And yet your awful behaviour IS harming her. It is abuse. Please just stop posting about hoe you are emotionally harming your0 child - it is just horrible. Akin to fgm imo.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 11/02/2012 16:16

so shall i keep my children off school when they learn about ramadan/hannukah/divali etc etc? Maybe I should refuse to send them to visit a mosque/synagogue/temple etc? Maybe I should withdraw them from sex ed lessons incase they learn something that disagrees with my faith?
But I don't, we talk things through at home, they know and understand my belief system and I am gradually explaining to DC1 who is now a teen about developing his own thought processes regarding what he does/does not believe in not just believing what I do because I tell him to. Oh and alway throwing in a healthy dose of respect for others beliefs whilst not always agreeing with them.

LucieLucie · 11/02/2012 16:20

I completely agree with Worra - op is intolerant and disrespectful of other peoples beliefs and traditions but she expects others to respect hers!
Also Hobnobs I agree with too.

This thread has made me very angry. Poor child.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:20

A little tale.

My SIL was dis-fellowshipped about 3 years ago. This happened because after suffering 20 years of mental abuse from my BIL, she wanted out. There are no female elders at all, nobody wanted to help and she was told to leave.

This is a woman who was raised as a witness, who was diligent and god fearing.

My BIL is still welcomed with open arms and still attends regular meetings, with his new wife!

My nephew still attends meetings with his Dad.

The witnesses are being taught that we are living in the last days, anyone dis -fellow-shipped (like his Mum) will not live here (on earth) in paradise.
This 15 year old kid cries at night, believing his Mother will perish.

Cool teachings eh?

Original poster
lisad123 · 11/02/2012 16:21

I don't keep her off for any of those hob. I have stated many times, I am more than happy for her to learn about other faiths, she has gone on visits to religious places ect. I just ask that she doesn't join in the celebrations or worship of others.
She is also knows that lots o people have different faiths, beliefs and gods.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 11/02/2012 16:24

Sorry Lisa I don't believe you. If you are willing to withdraw her from school to stop her from making a few Christmas cards I hardly think you would send her on religious ed visits. Or is it just the Christain faith you don't want her to learn about? In the context of my worj I have visited lots of schools and without exception JW kids are withdrawn from all religious activities.

Original poster
lisad123 · 11/02/2012 16:31

Dont believe me, I couldn't care less. She has been on visits and even had to wear a scarf over her head as a respect. Why would I stop her learning about other beliefs? What would that teach her other than intolerance.
If you ask misdee she will tell you we joined in re lessons as kids too.

OP posts:
Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:34

lisa for someone who has been a witness for a long time, you don't sound very strong in the truth.

Surely, if you were raised as a witness ...all this school business should be like water off a ducks back!

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 16:36

But she can't colour in a bit of card if it has the words 'Happy christmas' on it?

Really you are lucky this school is not as intolerant as you are

I doubt they will remain so if they get complaints from parents regarding your child's term time holiday...if they're not allowed the same luxury.

If you're happy for your child to sit in the office every time her peers are taking part in 'dubious' fun activities that are against your religion, then so be it.

I just hope your child is as happy as you are about it.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:38

I actually don't believe you teach your daughter about different faiths.

The whole core message is that if you are not in the truth you are going to perish...nicely dressed up sometimes, I'll admit.

The life of a witness can be cozy and warm at meetings etc...don't lose track of what your teachings promote.

You can't pick and choose.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 11/02/2012 16:38

OP I hope the school records that week as an unauthorised absence.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:39

When my SIL was still a witness, she would ask us that if we gave her kids Christmas gifts , could we please turn the paper inside out.

Feminine · 11/02/2012 16:43

One of my favourites...

My DH is an identical twin, his brother (a JW) has refused point blank to ever give my husband blood -even if it was a last resort.

I understand bloodless surgery, I'm cool with that but

to think he would be quite happy to let his twin die is beyond barbaric.Angry

rhondajean · 11/02/2012 16:44

Lisa, if you had posted, my daughter isn't allowed particular sweets because they aren't good for her, her teacher gave her them and told her not to tell me because she felt sorry for her, AIBU to be annoyed?

This thread would have taken a whole different route.