To find DPs behaviour last night really mean?!

[shouldIbecrossaboutthis]

Ok ladies, I am after a bit of perspective; I am a regular but have name changed in case I get a thrashing!

I am 10 weeks pregnant. Every evening I get really bad nausea, not actually sick, but feeling like I might be sick. The only thing that makes it go away is eating crappy food, but sometimes I feel so sick I can't stand to cook.

Last night was a bit like that. DP offered to go to the supermarket to get some super noodles [shame] but they really help with the sickness. He then cooked them for me, which I was very thankful for, said thanks etc. He also made his own dinner from leftovers. I cleaned everything up.

I then had a bath and went to bed @ 10pm. Fell asleep in bed with the light on waiting for DP to come up. He came up 10.30ish, woke me up, got into bed and then refused to turn of the bedroom light!

I also refused to turn it off as we have the rule the last one in turns it off. It's not like he even politely asked if I would turn it off. He just point blank refused to do it!

AIBU in thinking this was mean? The only thing I can think is he felt hard done by getting me some super noodles and cooking them. Should I be more understanding? Was I as bad as him by not turning it off?

IAmSherlocked Don't speak for me please. All I am desperate for is you and those like you to actually understand the thread. I don't hold out any hope that this will ever happen.

For people saying it's a non issue. In a relationship it's the little everyday kindnesses rather than the big gestures that let you know your loved and cherished, and maybe this petty meaness is more revealing than a big argument.

This. With bells on.

I'm with Gluesticks. This behaviour (from the Ops dh) was petty and mean even if his dw wasn't pregnant and sick.

And doing something childish and petty to get back at the OP because he was cross he had to cook the dinner? Cook the dinner being heat up some supernoodles. What the actual fuck

Surely looking after your partner when they are feeling rubbish, particularly when they are feeling rubbish because they are gestating your baby, is what normal caring people do isn't it? Or should I be having a full on tanty because my dh has had the temerity to spend all of yesterday in bed and is still there now because he is ill? I don't fucking think so!!!

In fact actually I am clearly being a doormat - I mean, not only did I look after both of our sons yesterday when dh was in bed but I even took him some water and paracetamol. Twice.

I reckon its only fair if I walk up 2 flights of stairs and pull the duvet off him. Bastard

haven't read all the replies OP but really, if this is all you have to worry about then good on you.

Nooooooo - don't say that FlyingTeapot! You are about to get flamed.

Repeat after me: leave the bastard.

IAmSherlocked Aaah look at you trying to be all clever [yawn]

Solution - take the bulb out and issue him with a pocket torch, end of argument and you can both live happily ever after

I don't need to try, GlueSticks. I just am.

I defended the OP, now I'm defending DH. Doesn't everybody do something unreasonable sometimes? I've stated all along that I think he was BU, and couldn't believe that some people thought it was such a trivial thing. BUT he realised he was BU and apologised the next day. There would be a problem in their marriage if he hadn't apologised and/or it was a frequent thing. The sheer fact that the OP was annoyed enough about it to post, suggests it isn't something she's used to regularly dealing with. Hardly a case to suggest he is normally a bad husband or will be a rotten dad! Not a divorce situation over something so trivial, but the OP was NBU with regard to her post. His behaviour that night WAS mean! I should imagine they are totally over it now and the OP is wondering (like I am) how so many people so missed the point altogether and thought it too trivial for words, or completely went the other way, and made it a much bigger marital problem than it was.

He was being mean but apologised. Aren't we all unreasonable over trivial things sometimes but realise afterwards and apologise. Marriages aren't perfect all the time. The OP felt justifiably annoyed but it was (hopefully!! - correct me if i'm wrong OP) just a small insignificant blip in their marriage.

Hi everyone, I'm so glad more of you are thinking it was a bit "mean" of him and thank you Gluesticks for expressing my point so brilliantly.

My DP does do a fair bit of mean stuff, I'd say small stuff like this happens at least once a fortnight. He could be labelled quite passive aggressive I guess, but not in a "bin him!" way; we just think about things differently I guess.

Usually I am able to say, "Oi you, don't be such a shit" but this particular night I was feeling too bleugh to properly stick up for myself and in the morning (before he went to work) he was saying it was my hormones. So I just wanted to double check my position really, that's why I started this thread. At one point I thought he might be right and that is was hormones!

He did apologise though (which he rarely does!) I suppose it had something to do with him relaying the story to someone at work and them telling him he was being a moron.

Sorry for bringing this thread up again, but just wanted to clarify some things, haven't be able to until now because have been in hospital with a drip in my arm. If only I had 4 other kids, then I wouldn't have time to to lounge around "mentalling" HG!

Roll on week 14!

shouldIbecrossaboutthis It must really get on your nerves if this happens once a fortnight. I am glad that someone at work pointed out he was being a dick. Perhaps you should have a chat about these incidents at another time (not while he's being a dick).

My DH is a dick sometimes (aren't we all at some point!) and now I just say "you're doing that thing again" and that snaps him out of it. He doesn't want to be a dick though which helps hugely so I suppose it depends on how your DH feels about it.

As for the hormones thing . . . how did you stay calm?!

Petty DH refuses to do something which would take him virtually no time, because he is oh so exhausted from doing other household jobs which most people don't complain about.

This seems to be a common theme lately (remember the thread about the DH not cleaning up wee?)

It's WEIRD.

As gluesticks suggests - perhaps it would be good to find a calm time to discuss his passive agressiveness/unreasonable behaviour to point out what he is doing and how it makes you feel. Perhaps he honestly doesn't realise what he is doing. Also make a lighthearted comment about it every time he does it, to point out the silllyness of it or ignore it at the time but discuss each and every incident a bit later when he can stand back and see the sillyness himself.
Don't let him get away with it often. It does lack respect for you.

Good luck