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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find DPs behaviour last night really mean?!

164 replies

shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 08:31

Ok ladies, I am after a bit of perspective; I am a regular but have name changed in case I get a thrashing!

I am 10 weeks pregnant. Every evening I get really bad nausea, not actually sick, but feeling like I might be sick. The only thing that makes it go away is eating crappy food, but sometimes I feel so sick I can't stand to cook.

Last night was a bit like that. DP offered to go to the supermarket to get some super noodles [shame] but they really help with the sickness. He then cooked them for me, which I was very thankful for, said thanks etc. He also made his own dinner from leftovers. I cleaned everything up.

I then had a bath and went to bed @ 10pm. Fell asleep in bed with the light on waiting for DP to come up. He came up 10.30ish, woke me up, got into bed and then refused to turn of the bedroom light!

I also refused to turn it off as we have the rule the last one in turns it off. It's not like he even politely asked if I would turn it off. He just point blank refused to do it!

AIBU in thinking this was mean? The only thing I can think is he felt hard done by getting me some super noodles and cooking them. Should I be more understanding? Was I as bad as him by not turning it off?

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 10/02/2012 12:20

Use by 31.07.2027 - J. Sainsbury

KeithBurton · 10/02/2012 12:32

Profound.

Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 12:36

Chicken noodles of course!!

It's not like we have the rule written down, like some sort of co-habitation contract, it's like an unspoken rule, it's common sense the last one in the bed turns of the bluming light!?

OP posts:
M0naLisa · 10/02/2012 12:40

I would have just stopped being childish and got out of bed and turn off the frigging light!!!

hiddenhome · 10/02/2012 12:40

Next time, switch the light off, place some obstacles around the bed for him to trip over then he might be happy to have a light left on for him Grin

bettybat · 10/02/2012 13:12

You're both ridiculous.

I'm not saying I don't have similar kinds of petty thought patterns.

But then I remind myself I'm not twelve, and just get on with it.

Boomerwang · 10/02/2012 13:19

You're probably missing the real issue. It's not about the light switch - he thinks you're having an affair!

Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 13:20

I might leave him. Wink

OP posts:
whoknowsme · 10/02/2012 13:25

You can buy a remote control light switch from B&Q ?

Why didn't I know such things exist ? I need to get out more !

whoknowsme · 10/02/2012 13:31

I had hyperemesis in pregnancy and even when they've seen you vomit 10 times a day, some men still think they are really putting themselves out if they fetch a special food from the supermarket and cook it, fgs it was only noodles, boil in a pan and job done.

My h cooked roast beef and cauliflower cheese because I really fancied it. It was lovely and then I threw it all up again. He implied I hadn't tried to keep it down.

They can't understand the sickess thing.

amicissimma · 10/02/2012 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisyMooCow · 10/02/2012 13:58

I should have added (not that I think it will make much difference as IAclealryBU) he was next to the switch when I reminded him not to forget to turn it off. Which is when he said he didn't want to.

There's your answer ....you 'reminded' him to turn it off. Does he often forget to turn it off?

Sometimes when people 'remind' others to do things, it actually comes across as nagging. Maybe that's how he felt.

thisisyesterday · 10/02/2012 14:03

amicissimma... the OP didn't just wake up, he woke her up!

SarahBumBarer · 10/02/2012 14:44

I think you have had a bit of a hard time here OP. OK so it is not issue of the century but it appears that your DH was being petty and unreasonable and I'm not surprised you feel a bit irritated and want to understand why if he is usually a nice reasonable person. Unfortunately when people just have a moody there is little in the way of satisfactory explanation to be had. He was tired. Just let it go unless he starts being frequently unreasonable.

Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 14:44

maisymoocow Does he often forget to turn it off?" yes and then he has to get out of bed to do it.

OP posts:
Boomerwang · 10/02/2012 14:46

oooh MaisyMoo I've got to pick you up on this:

Sometimes when people 'remind' others to do things, it actually comes across as nagging. Maybe that's how he felt.

If people would just do it in the first place, they wouldn't need to be nagged reminded.

Because I'm pregnant my boyfriend agreed that I shouldn't clean out the cat's litter tray any more. I've had to remind him day after day after day to get it done and I DO ask him at times when he's not busy, just playing some computer game and he still doesn't do it. I noisily sort it out myself, thinking he'll jump up and stop me but noooooo! He accused me of nagging! Well DUH!

MaisyMooCow · 10/02/2012 14:49

Boomerwang..that would just bloody annoy me. I'd empty it over his head !!Grin

yellowraincoat · 10/02/2012 14:52

I mean, should you be cross about this? I don't know. Is it part of a regular pattern of behaviour? Or was it just an oddball one-off thing?

If it's a one off, I'd probably just chill the hell out. Besides I like sleeping with the light on sometimes.

Proudnscary · 10/02/2012 14:55

I think you should both sit on the naughty step - perfect punishment for the toddlers you clearly are.

And sounds like someone is being a more than a little precious about her pregnancy...

seaweedhead · 10/02/2012 15:02

We have a lamp on each side of the bed. I'm usually in bed first so I turn his bedside light on so he can switch it off when he gets into bed.

Refusing to turn the light off was very childish, unreasonable and weird of him. But I don't think its worth getting worked up about - unless its a symptom of more serious underlying problems in your relationship of course...

shewhowines · 10/02/2012 16:40

At last a very few voices of reason defending the Op. So glad as I was doubting my own sanity. Never been on a thread where I disagree with so many.
Quite funny some of the posts but I seriously hope that the tongue in cheek repliers don't really think it is so trivial. Of course it isn't a huge issue but it is rude of the DH and its the principle of the thing.

Come on lurkers please add some support. You'd be a little peeved too wouldn't you?
My DH is going to be in for a nice surprise tonight when I show my appreciation for him. www.mumsnet.com/te/2.gif If he was unreasonable enough to ignore the light in the first place he would certainly realise his mistake and apologise later. Will yours shouldibecrossaboutthis

shewhowines · 10/02/2012 16:40

How do you get the smileys to work?

cees · 10/02/2012 16:58

I would be pissed at dh if he did that to me. I'd probably screech til he turned it off have a quiet word with him about it.

carabos · 10/02/2012 17:19

This thread is hilarious. I love the detail in the op, most of it unnecessary but no chance the poster could be accused of drip feeding! The notion of two grown adults who are shortly to become parents eating super noodles fighting about who turns the lights off is both Grin and Shock and finally, who on earth comes into the bedroom, turns the light off and gets into bed??? I literally can't imagine how you could do that? Hmm.

What do you do about reading, chatting, putting on hand cream, watching Newsnight on the laptop, MNing and everything else that normal people do before going to sleep? Fascinating glimpse into a whole other for me.

AlexTasha · 10/02/2012 17:36

Although I agree it is petty, I would have been pissed off too if I was feeling sick and had been sleeping and had to get out of bed to turn off the light when he could have easilly done it himself and was just being an ass about it.

Although me and my DP claw eachother out of the way to get into bed first so the other one has to turn off the light....