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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find DPs behaviour last night really mean?!

164 replies

shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 08:31

Ok ladies, I am after a bit of perspective; I am a regular but have name changed in case I get a thrashing!

I am 10 weeks pregnant. Every evening I get really bad nausea, not actually sick, but feeling like I might be sick. The only thing that makes it go away is eating crappy food, but sometimes I feel so sick I can't stand to cook.

Last night was a bit like that. DP offered to go to the supermarket to get some super noodles [shame] but they really help with the sickness. He then cooked them for me, which I was very thankful for, said thanks etc. He also made his own dinner from leftovers. I cleaned everything up.

I then had a bath and went to bed @ 10pm. Fell asleep in bed with the light on waiting for DP to come up. He came up 10.30ish, woke me up, got into bed and then refused to turn of the bedroom light!

I also refused to turn it off as we have the rule the last one in turns it off. It's not like he even politely asked if I would turn it off. He just point blank refused to do it!

AIBU in thinking this was mean? The only thing I can think is he felt hard done by getting me some super noodles and cooking them. Should I be more understanding? Was I as bad as him by not turning it off?

OP posts:
Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 22:38

Thank you toomuchcheese brilliantly put!

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 11/02/2012 08:51

shewhowines gluestickseverywhere Your post is the most sensible post on this whole thread!

Why thank you! Grin

IAmSherlocked · 11/02/2012 09:01

You clearly both have the emotional maturity of four year old.

Immature four year olds.

That is the only explanation for this thread.

But good God, I feel sorry for the baby. I can just see the poor thing at the age of about one and a half saying, 'Don't worry, Mum and Dad, I'll turn the light out, shall I?'

IAmSherlocked · 11/02/2012 09:04

And yes, toomuchcheese, I read the OP. I still stand by what I said. Immaturity on both sides - 'I also refused to turn it off as we have the rule..'

GlueSticksEverywhere · 11/02/2012 09:17

IAmSherlocked You clearly both have the emotional maturity of four year old.

Both? Really? Have you actually read the OP? Do you think it is normal for someone to walk past a light switch, not turn it off and demand that the dozing person does it for them? Do you think that is normal?

GlueSticksEverywhere · 11/02/2012 09:23

IAmSherlocked You are completely missing the point! I am truely amazed!

So in your house you go to bed and nod off and then an hour later your DH comes to bed. He leaves then light on despite having walked past the switch and being wide awake, unlike yourself. As he gets into bed you stir a little and he tells you that you need to get up and turn the light off as he has no intention of doing it. You wake yourself up and say "yes of course dear, don't trouble your little self about it" get out of bed and turn it off for him.

The next day he's on the toilet having a shit. "Wifey!" he calls "my arse needs wiping!"

"Yes off course dear" you say whilst putting down your cheese sandwich, rushing up the stairs to wipe it for him. After all it's his arse and his shit and you were nowhere near it but we can't have him doing a normal everyday thing for himself now can we. Hmm

OnlyWantsOne · 11/02/2012 09:25

Seriously? Are you both 13?

Hmm buy yourself a bedside lamp and use that instead.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 11/02/2012 09:33

ANOTHE ONE! For gods sake have a just been transported to crazy land where no one can see the actual point and issue here?!

GlueSticksEverywhere · 11/02/2012 09:38

And why the hell do so many people think a bedside lamp is the solution! He would have just demanded that the OP get out of bed, walk round to his side of the bed for him and turn it off. How is that any different to him refusing to switch off a light he's just walked past and demanding the OP wake up and do it? FFS!

The DH obviously is either a fucking shit face dick head or he is trying to punish the OP for something by making her get up. In which case he would still be a dick head. My guess is that he is being childish about the OP being ill with her pregnancy. Perhaps he doesn't like the fact that she is too ill to do stuff for him and he has to look after himself. Just a guess.

SirSugar · 11/02/2012 09:41

whose turn was it to turn out the light last night?

GlueSticksEverywhere · 11/02/2012 09:46

Really hilarious SirSugar but you know as well as I do that they don't take it in turns, the last one into bed turns it off just like ALL NORMAL PEOPLE DO IN EVERY HOUSEHOLD, so taking the piss is just pathetic and mean.

(Or do you turn off every light in your house SirSugar so that no one else has to wear out their finger?)

There is obviously a bigger problem with the DH then a light turning off rota, but you just keep belittling the problem and see just how helpful and kind that is.

DonkeyTeapot · 11/02/2012 09:52

Agree that he was rude to refuse to turn the light off, agree that it is a silly thing to be annoyed about, but must also say that I would be just as annoyed as you. Also agree that "cooking" supernoodles is not cooking.

I'd be most angry that he woke up his sleeping, pregnant, sick-feeling wife though - from the original post I thought he accidentally woke you up just when he was coming to bed.

I'm glad he has apologised.

SirSugar · 11/02/2012 10:31

but before I go....lets ask OP then; is there a bigger problem with your DP? Is he an abusive arse or is this a one off?

I am concerned that HE doesn't want bedside lamps so you are not allowed them. If you are made to feel like 'its all about him', then there is a bigger problem

Whatmeworry · 11/02/2012 11:18

Actualy Gluesticks, if you can't see this was a tit for tat spat then i fear you are missing the point.

elvisaintdead · 11/02/2012 12:12

Typical mumsnet - if you don't agree with the OP you are odd or missing the point...

I think it's a non issue and stand by that. I have 5 DC so being precious about a bit of pregnancy sickness was not an option!

anonacfr · 11/02/2012 15:15

It's not a non issue when the husband admitted the next day that he was angry at having to make his pregnant wife dinner (or should i say heat supernoodles) and didn't switch off the light out of spite.
Despite the fact that she wasn't even going to have dinner and just wanted to go to bed.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 11/02/2012 15:47

Gluesticks, Anon... I'm with you!!

OP - he needs to grow the fuck up and fast. If he's so resentful of making you some supernoodles he's going to be a shit partner & Dad.

thirdfromleft · 11/02/2012 15:56
  1. I can't believe I've read 143 posts about this
  2. Case of Over-Analysis: Exhibit A
IAmSherlocked · 11/02/2012 17:24

Yes, you're right, Gluesticks, there clearly is a bigger problem. But with both of them, not just the husband.

Yet another thread where for some people, if you don't agree that the woman is the poor put upon victim and the man is an evil, manipulative gaslighting bastard, then you are missing the point. Hmm

anonacfr · 11/02/2012 17:59

Have you ever had terrible morning sickness that makes you feel shit all day as soon as you wake up and only subsided when you get in bed?
Because I have and let me tell you if my husband had passive aggressively woken me up and made me get out of bed to switch off the lights because he was sulking like a child I would have lost it big time.

schobe · 11/02/2012 18:06

I don't get many of these responses.

The guy was clearly having a tantrum because he had to 'cook' (read throw some stuff in the microwave). He made a petty point by leaving the light on. He probably didn't like you 'telling him what to do' re said light.

Is he old enough to become a father?

GlueSticksEverywhere · 12/02/2012 20:22

Whatmeworry Actualy Gluesticks, if you can't see this was a tit for tat spat then i fear you are missing the point.

Which bit is the tit and which is the tat? DH was being an arse by not turning off the light so lets say that is tat. OP did . . . what? Was sick? Went to bed? Couldn't heat noodles? Exactly what did she do to deserve that in return?

IAmSherlocked Yes, you're right, Gluesticks, there clearly is a bigger problem. But with both of them, not just the husband.

And the same as I said above . . . what exactly did the OP do wrong?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs he needs to grow the fuck up and fast. If he's so resentful of making you some supernoodles he's going to be a shit partner & Dad.

That's what I was thinking.

dreamofwhitehorses · 12/02/2012 20:38

Well done Gluesticks in your sterling work in support of OP. I totally agree with you and am boggled about some of the replies on this thread.

For people saying it's a non issue. In a relationship it's the little everyday kindnesses rather than the big gestures that let you know your loved and cherished, and maybe this petty meaness is more revealing than a big argument.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 12/02/2012 20:41

and maybe this petty meaness is more revealing than a big argument.

I agree!

IAmSherlocked · 13/02/2012 09:06

Oh I give up. Here, have the time-honoured MN response Gluesticks is clearly so desperate for you to have:

Leave the bastard.