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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find DPs behaviour last night really mean?!

164 replies

shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 08:31

Ok ladies, I am after a bit of perspective; I am a regular but have name changed in case I get a thrashing!

I am 10 weeks pregnant. Every evening I get really bad nausea, not actually sick, but feeling like I might be sick. The only thing that makes it go away is eating crappy food, but sometimes I feel so sick I can't stand to cook.

Last night was a bit like that. DP offered to go to the supermarket to get some super noodles [shame] but they really help with the sickness. He then cooked them for me, which I was very thankful for, said thanks etc. He also made his own dinner from leftovers. I cleaned everything up.

I then had a bath and went to bed @ 10pm. Fell asleep in bed with the light on waiting for DP to come up. He came up 10.30ish, woke me up, got into bed and then refused to turn of the bedroom light!

I also refused to turn it off as we have the rule the last one in turns it off. It's not like he even politely asked if I would turn it off. He just point blank refused to do it!

AIBU in thinking this was mean? The only thing I can think is he felt hard done by getting me some super noodles and cooking them. Should I be more understanding? Was I as bad as him by not turning it off?

OP posts:
Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 18:14

shewhowines he apologised as soon as he got home this evening. He said he didn't do it because he was cross that he cooked the dinner. That's fair enough, but would have been much easier if he just said that. BTW you get smileys to work by putting them in these brackets [..] so [ grin ] without the space.

Glad more people don't think IABU; we weren't really fighting, he said I'm not doing it, and I mumbled neither am I and then went back to sleep.

carabos I have seen AIBU threads where the OP has drip-fed; I was scared for my life posting this Wink!

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 10/02/2012 18:43

he didn't do it because he was cross because he cooked dinner???

i hope you punched him in the face?

no, but seriously.. .he made supernoodles ffs. that deosn't count as cooking! and i presume you normally cook? and don't strop about having to turn lights off becauuse of it??

he's being a child!

Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 19:04

nah, I didn't punch him in the face, I told him to next time just say what it is that's bothering him rather than act like a child.

I cook 80-90% of the time, he loads the dishes in the dishwasher. This time he cooked and I did the dishwasher.

I did say supernoodles wasn't exactly cooking (I normally cook, cook!)

OP posts:
anonacfr · 10/02/2012 19:35

He was cross because he cooked his sick pregnant wife noodles? What an arse. When I was pregnant with DC1 I was physically incapable of cooking. The smell of food made me puke.

I wasn't working but OH was. He came home and cooked and cleaned the kitchen every fucking night for four months. If he'd dared suggest I should have cooked for him I would have been on the next plane back to my parents'. Grin

anonacfr · 10/02/2012 19:37

I forgot to say he wasnt just cross, he was cross enough to punish you (which I guess leaving the lights on deliberately after you'd ask him to switch them off was).
Next time switch off the lights as soon as you get in bed. And just because he doesn't like reading in bed doesn't mean you can't have a bedside table.

thisisyesterday · 10/02/2012 19:43

he'd hate to have me as a pregnant wife that's for sure

10.30pm
me: "i need a strawberry milkshake... from mcdonalds"
dp: "i'll get my coat..."

he did as well! but he only went and got me a bloody banana one!!! he claims it was a mistake, but i'm not so sure Hmm

GlueSticksEverywhere · 10/02/2012 19:44

That is so weird! So he gets into bed when you are already dozing and demands that you get up and turn if off?! That's really fecking weird! Does his finger not work? Could he not get press the switch as he was walking passed it?

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2012 19:45

I don't like your husband, OP! He sounds really childish and stupid and happy to suffer as long as he knows you're suffering too.

shewhowines · 10/02/2012 19:57

Thanks shouldibecrossaboutthis
Glad it's sorted and he's apologised. Huge sigh of relief. I was very indignant on your behalf Smile

Got the hang of smileys now i think. thanks Grin

SecretMinceRinser · 10/02/2012 20:03

Did he apologise for being a tit. Personally I wouldn't be cooking or going out of my way to do anything for him until he does.

SecretMinceRinser · 10/02/2012 20:04

oh I see he did apologise Blush

Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 20:07

Good work shewhowines, I love a good smiley!

GlueSticksEverywhere so glad you think it's odd, the chorus of YABU this morning had me Hmm a bit. I know people do things differently but it just seemed so rude to me, so I couldn't believe that some people thought I was being precious and childsih; I admit to being stubborn though! I wasn't just dozing either, I was full on asleep, he woke me by shaking me awake (gently obviously) and asking if I had fed the cat.

I've been trying to find one of those remote control lights mentioned further up thread but am not having any luck. Does anyone know where to buy one?

OP posts:
Catsmamma · 10/02/2012 20:10

you turned the light on! so you turn it off! :D

and get bedside lights so you never have this argument again.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 10/02/2012 20:14

That's the AIBU section of MN for you! Grin You have to take a lot of the posts with a pinch of salt as they often completely miss the point, especially on the first page of most threads for some reason. That seems to be when all the strange people post Grin

I read all the posts saying about the silliness of having a rule about who switches of the light and that you must be immature or whatever . . . of course the point is that it isn't really "a rule" as such but just bloody common sense. Something which a lot of MN posters lack!

elvisaintdead · 10/02/2012 21:12

I think there is something wrong in your relationship if you feel the need to have rules about such trivial issues. Sometimes I forget to switch of the landing light and DH and I will have a LIGHTHEARTED bit of banter about who will go and turn it off. One of us will go and do it, sometimes even though SHOCK it was me who left it on.

Can't believe you would get into a stalemate about it. Really amazed this is an issue for you.

Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 21:39

"One of us will go and do it" even if you've been in bed alseep because you have been feeling sick?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 10/02/2012 21:48

Of course he was being unreasonable and a complete idiot too, as I'm sure he struggled to sleep in the light.

anonacfr · 10/02/2012 21:53

Imperial he was more than an idiot. He was willing to not sleep properly just because he was cross at the OP for 'making' him cook noodles.

Lovely.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2012 21:54

Take a BB gun to bed and shoot the light bulb

Or each other Wink

CupOfBrownJoy · 10/02/2012 21:57

If you're mentalling this badly at 10 weeks, tbh I feel a little bit sorry for your DH, knowing what is to come...

Original poster
shouldIbecrossaboutthis · 10/02/2012 22:09

CupOfBrownJoy I thought nausea was fairy common in the first 12 weeks?? Besides, DP insisted I ate, I was happy to just go to bed.

It's very irritating that several posters have said I'm precious about being pregnant. All i said was I feel sick during the evenings! I'd love to know how you can reach that conclusion?!

Glad some others are agreeing with me; I think as someone else pointed out (shewhowhines maybe?) it's about respect and consideration.

OP posts:
shewhowines · 10/02/2012 22:12

gluestickseverywhere
Your post is the most sensible post on this whole thread!

Chubfuddler · 10/02/2012 22:15

Bedside lamps? Maybe?

toomuchcheese · 10/02/2012 22:33

This is one of those bizarre posts where loads of people jump on the wrong bandwagon early on, simply to feel part of a gang who are pointing and laughing.

Did any of the ridiculers (made up word) actually read the OP?

Long term relationships consist of hundreds of these small daily negotiations. It doesn't matter that the issue of who turns off a light is of a minor domestic nature, what does matter what lies underneath. This was unpleasant, unkind and disrespectful behaviour.

I feel sorry for those in relationships who think this sort of behaviour is normal!

shewhowines · 10/02/2012 22:37

Well said toomuchcheese

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