to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

lequeen I think it's fine if she applies herself at school.

I must admit I always find it odd that parents boast about bright but lazy, but by God they do. Both here and in RL. It always strikes me as rather sad. Sort of coulda, woulda, shoulda.
You know the sort I could have got a first. I would have been a muscian if only I'd practised. I should have been a film director but I...

I must admit that being told my child is lazy would be one thing I would find it almost impossible to stomach. Knowing they were bright would not sweeten the deal.

well nobody is really going to say their child is a bit thick are they

. My dd is very bright and was top in her primary school subjects reading age of 15 at 8 so v very bright , People did tend to shut off when i was talking about it , and sort of tut , I didn't go up to people and say GUESS HOW CLEVER MY CHILD Is , usually other parents talking about school,

however i did find that people were really interested when i said dd2 was struggiling a little bit in school and has learning difficulties , she is also very bright but very dysprasic , I dont understand why people are so against positive stories but eat up SN or LD or kids getting in trouble

The thing is success is 90%+ about applying yourself.Many people have enough talent/brains to shine at something if they work hard at it.

dande intelligence without application is utterly pointless.

I can't think of one thing worth having that doesn't require effort and application. Well perhaps a chinese takeaway...but you take my point.

"I must admit that being told my child is lazy would be one thing I would find it almost impossible to stomach. Knowing they were bright would not sweeten the deal."

No, it doesn't sweeten it. It makes it worse. Unfulfilled potential of whatever level is very sad.

"bright but lazy" was applied to both my DBs.

My DM took it to mean "will do well but only with toe constantly up backside" - so she applied said toe, and they did both do well and eventually worked out that it was easier to do it themselves with less toe up backside.

How do people know their child is 'top of the class' at something? Do teachers now provide league tables on individual pupils? I've never seen/heard that in any of the schools I've worked in over the last 12 years.

I dont understand why people are so against positive stories

People are not against positive stories, not at all in my opinion. But is someone going on about how great their kid is/what they've achieved/how they're going to be this that and the other when they're older etc a positive story that's going to equally interest everyone? Hardly, unless you're very invested in that kid, ie close friend, relative etc. A positive story to me is more someone overcoming adversity to achieve something

We're all at fault in thinking everyone will find our kids' achievements as enthralling as we do.

Makes me feel queasy tbh. I think comments about what your child is doing and enjoys are more palatable. Why is it of interest to someone else outside close family how clever your child is?

My DS is very bright. He was top of the class at primary and then in the top third at one of the most selective and highest performing schools in the country, if not Europe. He got 11 A*s and 1A at GCSE and achieved it with very little visible effort. In addition he is also a very accomplished sportsman and plays in the top teams for both is school and significant clubs. What am I supposed to call him?

DD on the other hand is the dearest, sweetest thing you could hope to meet and is hopeless at PE. At 11 she got a set of 5a SATs results and I have always said she is top average because she is top average. She does though sing like an angel and has sung at the Albert Hall .

When other people or their children do well I am always very pleased for them. Envy is a cardinal sin and it isn't one I wish to be guilty of.

That's what I think Mole. I am not interested in telling anyone about my DC or hearing about theirs. Whether it be how marvellous they are at school, footy or anything else. At the moment I am more interested about what Skylanders they have managed to find.

well they sort of are against them or there wouldnt be threads like this one , these sorts of things just sort of come up in conversation and people take exception to them , and most people dont go up to other parents and say my kid is cleverer that yours , and top of the class is usually a phrase children in primary are usually grouped in ability well they used to be , so thats how parents know how the children are doing , a parent once said to be oh I see H is in the bottom table with the boys , well yes she is because she needs extra help , and then i was asked what was wrong with her , I do think people dont like to hear children doing a bit better than their own but love to hear a child that is behind their own makes them feel a tad smug IME ,

waterlego it must be that 'top table' thing

Anyway, I don't believe everyone who claims their child is "top of the class" many times its how the parents translate what has been said.

oh and my top of the class child failed her last lot of exams because she couldnt be arsed as she had already got into college and was more interested in prom her last year of school than studying , so it doesnt matter how Brainy/clever/gifted/superhuman they are if they dont put the effort in then they dont get results

Even if they are ugly, dopey, clumsy, dim and gormless, a parent should always be able to see the positive.

In saying that, very often parents tell their children things which are absolutely false. Telling a very unfortunate looking child that they are the most beautiful creature on the planet and should be a model is cruelty, as is telling a dim child that they're a genius or a bad singer that they should go on the x factor.

It can't be pleasant for a child to have people looking at them in a confused manner wondering whats so great about them when their parents are proclaiming them the greatest thing ever.

Or even worse, grinning while obviously thinking 'yeah right'

I do like hearing funny stories about what children do and say, I like spending time with (some of!) my friends' children and I like people to answer honestly-no false modesty. But an old friend of mine threw it unsolicited into the conversation about her two year old and I kind of can't get it out of my head. But she always has been very quick to talk about her own marvellous achievements and it's just an extension of that. I tell my children I love them, I get excited about what they enjoy and encourage their best effort. And talking about achievement is saved for grandma - who actually wants to know.

FGS, why can't we say nice things about our won children? To me bright means alert and curious and taking everything in.

If someone said to me "My DD is very bright, and I love her curly hair/ pretty face", I would think how lovely it is that someone appreciates their child and can see good things in them.

When being only purely negative is acceptable then we are a sad bunch indeed.

sorry, meant "own children" not "won children"

waterlego - as per previous post - we get position in class for every subject on DS's report every term - two measures - one based on exam and the other (I think) on average "effort" marks through the term.

I think it's slightly wierd, but we do get it.

I agree it isn't always what counts. My middle DD is really bright and can do anything she sets her mind to. Unfortunately she met a gobshite boyfriend at 14 and has under achieved.

Thank god by 16 it is all over and done with and she is now realising that her GCSE results don't match her talents, so not to late to put right.

Until the next one, that is.

I think it is nice to hear people being proud of their children, as long as they are not putting others down. What we achieve is down to many factors. The best thing i think about being 'bright', is that it gives choice.

Does anyone know what position their child is in in reception though, in relation to the rest of the class? I wouldn't have a clue, and don't care really as long as DD seems to be achieving ok.
Btw for me 'bright' is as much a personality thing as an intelligence thing, probably why I don't see it as a boast as such. Nobody thinks it's boasting to say their child is 'funny', for example. (Or maybe they do on mumsnet )

Why would anyone want to know how they are doing compared to anyone else though? What have other children's grades got to do with mine?

Well Sparkling isn't that a bit disingenuous? I mean, I would be concerned if my daughter was in the bottom of the class, even though somebody's got to be, (because she's bright, natch) but it doesn't mean I expect her to be in the top.

I just wondered how some people seemed to know, is all.

In my DDs senior school only the top percent were picked for additional science, everyone else had to do triple science. Additional is what is needed for some degrees. The children picked had to be consistantly good.

It depends on your childs interests. I agree that it doesn't matter too young, but it is a shame when you see really bright children born into families that are actually holding them back, through their attitudes and lifestyles.

At high school each bit of work gets a grade so I just go from that really. DS never mentions position in class, I'm not sure he would know TBH.