to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

boschy I really really disagree with that. By that then, I would think my 3rd is worth less.

And that I really really do not.

I don't.
I don't think children who are not bright are less valuable/significant/etc than bright ones.

What I was talking about (and what I think the OP was talking about) was the way that almost everyone in one group of friends said before the DCs started school "of course he/she is very bright so I hope the school will challenge her / pick up on that / stimulate him enough".

When in actual fact I think all of them (including my DD, who I certainly wouldn't describe as "very bright") are just bog-standard 4 year olds, and starting off your child's school career convinced that they are something special, the like of which the school will not have seen before, is setting everyone up for years of heartache.

I really don't think that anyone would prefer one child over another. I've drawn my examples from family and friends talking about others who are not their children. They will say 'he's very bright', as if that alone is a reason for 'him' to be respected and liked above others who are not.

You don't have to be 'bright' to be successful or a great person. But I was trying to explain that the people I've met who use that expression tend to think otherwise.

I do think it is the case that on MN, and elsewhere, you can not celebrate success in any way lest you be perceived as "smug".

I tell you what I do think. The not such a bright one is bloody easier

If she falls, she bounces. If she tantrums, she cheers up. If she eats, she eats cake and enjoys it.She laughs, giggles and frolicks.

The others need a risk assessment to leave the house and a full medical if they fall. Food is an 'ishooo' and they have a tendancy to ask difficult questions about space when I am sat on the loo trying to have a nice wee by myself.

On eof them has been know to play the violin as I poo

I don't think there is anything wrong with describing your children as bright or not. Its a board and sometimes you have to contextualise.

My DD is verbal but I wouldnt class her as bright. I'm not sure but I would say she is average.
My DD2 is a completely different child, show her something once and she does it, I happen to think she is really bright. I love them both the same and have no idea who will have the more successful and happy life, however its not really a big deal to say 1 is average and 2 is bright. Its not like I am saying it irl or to their faces !

I really only hear this "bright"thing from parents when their children are quite small.

During the time they are starting their education (in a formal setting) seems to be the norm.

I attribute it to the kids not really showing their potential in that setting yet, and the parents wanting to let others know there is something going in there

I have kids that don't do particularly well in school, they don't apply themselves at all. Nobody would think them "bright".

I know otherwise but its not important to me if others know/care anymore.

I don't think YABU.

Well that is odd.
I know a couple of braggers but most of the people I know do the English down playing thing

'oh your dc won the English prize. Well done her!'
'oh yeah tbh I can't quite believe it given how hard it is to get her to do any homework. Well anyway..'

The bright thing is way more on here than rl. I don't know anyone who would get away with 'i hope she is challenged enough' without a certain amount of sniggering.

Haha Pagwatch - that is so true. It is certainly true that in the UK it's not socially acceptable to be openly proud of your acievements imo. I've heard that in the US (for example) things are quite different.

Pag, I'm struggling with the English self-deprecation thing..... I do try not to brag (DS may be very bright but I don't ever bring it up) but I somehow managed the opposite, I've been told off for not speaking about him highly enough

Yep. So English. Some one commented the other day on how good dds gym routine is. 'well she didn't fall over' sort of fell out of my mouth. It's pathetic really

I dunno sometimes its hard to hear when other peoples kids do well my dd had just turned 2 and potty trained in a week i put a proud status on facebook and got some nasty comments but just told them of they font like it get off my page or better still delete me

Here (US) there is a lot more bragging.

especially as we have the delights of the G&T register!

I spoke with the Principle of the school about it and he laughed telling me that the state has to find a 'quota' of kids to place on it, and it was no big deal.

Someone needs to tell those boasting parents.

Totally with you PeaceLoveAndCandy. I am British and I can't NOT do it, but I can see what a detrimental effect it has.

**worriedsilly

I can't understand why society can't bear certain things. It's so odd. If someone came in saying 'yes he is good a footy isn't he. Actually Man U jnr squad have signed him' no one would take it as a personal affront against their own 2 footed child, would they? They'd be dead excited and ask for the gossip on what goes on **

I think you are wrong there Worried, parents of a totally non-sporty boy might behave as you think, but the parent of the average football-mad kid would be really pi**ed off, and spend the next however many years moaning that the talented footballer only got in the school team because he plays for ManU (Duhh) or it's not fair that my boy never gets a chance, how can he possibly show how good he is, when they always play MiniManU up front, and my boy would be just as good if I cba to take him to babyfootie before he could walk...etc.

Believe me I've heard it all, and I have quite a bit of sympathy with all those comments, because I do think them myself sometimes [shame] as the mother of a boy who just scrapes into the school team alongside several incredibly good footballers, though I manage to not voice them very often.

Isn't the "british self-depreciation" thing tied up with the "smug git" thing though?

I wonder if it comes from that old tradition of not tempting the fairies - if you boasted about your child/husband/goat(probably) the fairies would steal it away. Suspect that comes from an older pre-Christian tradition.

I quite like it as it happens. Better than blatant boasting especially in the face of those less fortunate.

it annoys me too as it implies that some kids are dim

i don't think it's a very good descriptive words and have started a similar thread on here to get shot down. still don't like it though!

I agree with this thing about positivity being seen badly.

DD still has various strange little things that she does - these are fine to talk about, roll eyes at, swap tips with other parents etc. I love to hear about other children doing well at sports, music, whatever.

Yet, if the conversation turns to "academic" work (if you can call reception that) then I have to be quiet when other parents are talking about things like their child not quite "getting" a concept or whatever, just because my daughter happens to be ahead. Not fair.

DD has lovely long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and rosy cheeks, and people comment on her looks all the time, but she is also clever :) (she is also a little pita and gives me sleepless nights with her strange behaviour) I'm pleased for her, and very proud - the world must be very confusing and it is good that there is something for her to be really good at :)

Soup

Yes if my reading about the Brits are correct, then yes that is the case

posted a bit too soon there, last bit should say:

For example, how many children can not count reliably to 10 when they started school?

But school make a big deal of teaching them that, so naturally people consider their DC is "bright", as they have been doing it for years.

I think the British just aren't very good at being direct. You know and I know that when I say "oh God, I'm SO dim" I don't actually think I'm dim. Or when someone says "oh my child has two left feet" they aren't actually worried about the child's dexterity. But in Germany, people don't really SAY stuff like that. If I said my child was a bit lazy, they'd probably suggest a tutor and take it quite seriously, as opposed to take it in the light-hearted way it was intended.

Likewise, I teach English to foreign students. Last week, they asked if I wanted to go to the pub. I couldn't be arsed, so I said "oh I don't know, we'll see, I'm feeling a bit rough but maybe if I feel better". One Italian piped up "wait, this is a British thing, you just mean "no", don't you?" Now, I knew I meant no and he knew I meant no, but I think a British person would just have implicitly understood that and not mentioned it. And on the other hand, an Italian would just have said "no I can't be arsed tonight".