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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

447 replies

lunaticow · 09/02/2012 12:05

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

OP posts:
Helltotheno · 10/02/2012 16:03

No I love to hear parents mention how much their children are enjoying their activities, school etc!

The minutiae of where they come in the class, how they are compared to others, how brilliant everyone thinks they are, their exact earth-shatteringly good grades, other related stuff.. not so much, though I accept that others might find that scintillating.

Horses for courses.

alistron1 · 10/02/2012 16:10

One of my kids is very bright. It aint all that TBH. I think that my kids who are 'average' probably have a better time overall.

outofbodyexperience · 10/02/2012 16:12

Enjoyment is a completely irrelevant point. Not part of this discussion.

Often 'brightness' is only brought up context, as we have all been well brain-washed into what the social conventions are. You took points raised in context and accused posters of being boastful. Or gave them handy hints about how to tone it down, because no-one wants to hear the bragging.

Horses for courses indeed. And this thread ain't the course for this particular horse.

outofbodyexperience · 10/02/2012 16:14
Grin
Helltotheno · 10/02/2012 16:18

I felt a lot of them were shamefully boastful in any context actually. But it's absolutely ok for other people not to think the same. You're right, enjoyment is irrelevant to this debate but it would be nice if more people focussed on it as being valuable in itself rather than 'brightness', which in itself, isn't so much.

I'll decide myself whether this thread is for me or not thanks - it's a public forum.

alistron1 that comment did make me lol, I don't know why

Sparklingbrook · 10/02/2012 16:26

The original question was 'Am I being unreasonable to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"? It wasn't a request for any information regarding how any children are doing. Confused

pranma · 10/02/2012 16:28

All my 9 grandchildren are very bright,very beautiful and exceptionally talented-honestly-I'm their grandma so I should know Grin

outofbodyexperience · 10/02/2012 16:29

this horse. me. don't give a monkey's whether you hang around or not. Grin free world and all that.

mm, yes, i see what you mean about being shamefully boastful. the very mere mention of the tennis coach itself must have set that alarm bell ringing for you... how Very Dare She? such aspirational nonsense must be quashed immediately.

anyway, rl calls. no particualr issue with people enjoying life. tis after all the most important thing. i just don't get why the mn police are all over parents of bright kids. it isn't a crime.

and fwiw, you weren't particularly the one that pissed me off. there are a few posters who have got a siren in their head that pop up when anyone dares to mention the word 'bright'. and quelle surpise, there they are. Grin laying down the rules and stomping all over debate.

hey ho. you get used to it. Grin

outofbodyexperience · 10/02/2012 16:32

sparling, yy, but gosh and golly, it just might be contextual that people bring up occasions where it was mentioned and the posters thought it might be related to the discussion.

next time, we'll be sure just to post 'yabu'.
scintillating stuff.

ya gotta love aibu.

LeQueen · 10/02/2012 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeQueen · 10/02/2012 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helltotheno · 10/02/2012 17:02

Hell in that case then I assume you are also delighted to see very clever children thoroughly enjoying themselves busily streaking through numeracy tests that leave their (usually much older) school mates reeling and scratching their heads, yes?

A thing of beauty actually LeQueen. I could do with their folks not banging on about it ad nauseum is all (not that everyone is guilty of that behaviour).

Time for a Wine methinks....

Molehillmountain · 10/02/2012 17:03

That's not the point though. If you were talking about your daughter streaking through maths problems then you are describing your daughters interests rather than using the blanket term "bright". Bright is a bit meaningless. And sorry, often comparative and boastful. I have no issue with people being good at things. And neither was there an implication that the op did, or that they dislike talking about other peoples children.

Sparklingbrook · 10/02/2012 17:05

I would never ask another parent how their children are getting on academically because it it none of my business, and my DC are none of theirs.

Molehillmountain · 10/02/2012 17:05

And why do children need to be labelled clever, bright or whatever? It's a lot to live up to.

Sparklingbrook · 10/02/2012 17:09

Does it continue into adulthood? Have we got to endure all the job related achievements too?

LeQueen · 10/02/2012 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/02/2012 17:23

Good grief! It's a wonder anybody bothers posting to anybody else at all. These abstract AIBUs aren't personal... or shouldn't be. Shock

outofbodyexperience · 10/02/2012 17:31

quite.

but it's the ones who do have the v bright children that get ridiculed around here. the utter contempt for the g&t board, etc etc.

(and yy, mole, we've all read carol dweck)

god, sparkling, you never got unwillingly embroiled in a playground discussion when an excited child flew out of yr1 with a new reading book? even though you tried to escape without anyone noticing?

never sat down and had a cup of coffee with a worried mum whose kid was getting asessed for whatever and asked how you helped dd read? or what level they were on?

not seen the thousands of angsty reading level threads on mn?

not had a mum cry on your shoulder because ds was in detention again because he lashed out at a kid that had been tautning him for weeks about being a loser because he could finish the set maths in five minutes and had had the temerity to mention it to the teacher tentatively to ask if there was something else he could do, like the next page in the workbook? for showing off?

higher level thinking indeed. it must be very relieving to be able to live life above the normal (abnormal?) trivia of the schoolyard.

does it last into adulthood? i know a few conversations i've had where it's been relevant that someone's child is a district judge finishing her phd in human rights. they weren't bragging, it just came up in context. i certainly didn't think 'christ, she should have said that differently so as not to offend my delicate sensibilities'. i said 'wow, that sounds amazing, you must be very proud', and i meant it.

i've had the same conversation with the parent of a guy i know who does the most amazing work with kids who have disabilities. i am humbled by his brilliance at what he does, and i tell everyone how fantastic he is.

why are people so mealy mouthed about other's achievements? it's great that we have kids who can do quadratic equations in yr r! fantastic!

it's great that there are kids who really are going to be the next andy murray (but hopefully win). it's utterly amazing that there are beautiful beautiful dancers and musicians and mathematicians and writers and chefs and public speakers, of all ages, young and old. why do we not celebrate it? why on earth if someone says something positive about our child, do we mutter in deprecation, of grinning broadly and saying 'thank you. it is great, isn't it'?

largely because of the attitudes on this board, tbh.

if we all celebrated success, the earth would not implode.

Sparklingbrook · 10/02/2012 17:35

Well that's me told outofbody.

snapsnap · 10/02/2012 17:42

Can I ask those who have one bright and one average child. Does it present any problems. Does the other get jealous, compare themselves.
I am very aware that it is important not to make them feel that they are different

Jux · 10/02/2012 17:44

Except for one cah she had in Year 1, all dd's teachers have said she's very, very bright.

I don't, though. I smile patronisingly at everyone else who says their child is very bright.

Grin
alistron1 · 10/02/2012 17:47

snapsnap It doesn't make a difference IMHO.

NotnOtter · 10/02/2012 17:55

I love to talk about education and iirc did come on here all over proud when my ds1 got his gcse results

I would never dream of posting in the g and t section of mumsnet though for any of my children because the whole idea of that section and the smuggery therein makes me shudder

I have received a lot of great advice and support for ucas in particular on these boards and been genuinely elated at other peoples children's success BUT tis a fine line on mumsnet between beibg proud and having a decent conversation and being SLAMMED for having a clever child

Quattrocento · 10/02/2012 17:59

On the question of relative brightness between siblings - that's a tricky one to manage IME

DD is not just top of the class in the two subjects she can be arsed with she likes, but top of her year group in an academically selective school by a country mile. This has made her complacent in her other subjects and utterly vile to her younger brother.

I have actually overheard her sneering at him for only getting a B for English in his end of term report. He shrugs it off, but it does wound him. Constant reassurance is needed really. He's working well and solidly and does rather well in Maths and Science but his sister does get him down. Difficult to manage.

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