to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

leQueen are your daughters twins/close in age? :)

I read one of your earlier posts and was trying to work it out.

If its any consolation OP, parents stop saying it when the DC get their GCSE results - its all on paper then. But I think you have a long wait til then!

IME the people I know who constantly state how bright their child is are deeply concerned about other aspects of their child's development. The one particular problem I have noticed is a concern about the lack of their child's social skills. These parents are have to focus on something very positive and convince others that their DC is gifted.

I have 3 DSs with different abilities. One has ASD but copes well academically (note my choice of words!). One does not do so well but has very good social skills and the jury is out on the other.

I have a friend with a son who is top of the class in a very high achieving school, he is good at sport and drama too. He is an all rounder and could accurately be called "very bright". However, I have never heard her describe him like this. My son is one of his best friends and says he envies him but he really likes him because he never boasts about his abilities and he is a really nice boy. Neither his parents nor he need to tell anyone how gifted he is because it is blatantly obvious.

I've never met any child whose high academic ability has presented them with a problem. Maybe that is because I live in a very middle class area where such children are common and schools are used to it. Who knows?

I'm going on the G&T board now to see what people say.

Actually, I lived next door to a teacher who worked with G&T kids at her school. She said that if these kids were at a school in the neighbourhood we live in they would just be "average"...

Good luck lunaticow.

Been on. It is hilarious!

Neurotic

I've always thought the term was just one of those things that people say about children - meaning, doing fine, sometimes interesting etc etc. Like all babies are 'alert' and 'taking it all in'. Meaningless...and certainly not worth worrying about.

I've always rather liked the term 'bright as a button'.

I think I heard about a study in which one group of children was praised by using phrases akin to 'you're such a hard worker'. Another group, as similar as possible to the first, was praised with phrases like 'you're so clever'.

The level of achievement of the first group gradually began to outstrip that of the second.

It appeared that they responded better to the notion that their achievements owed at least something to effort, rather than just genetic make-up.

I think there's a lot in that.

My DC's do fine at school, but you never know what the future brings.

What does very bright mean anyway? It seems to mean having a better memory and being able to regurgitate info onto exam papers better than the next child. The knowledge of bright children never seems to independant or adaptable. They learn what others have said and remember it for exams.

Mozart was composing at 5 years old. That's very bright..............!

Schobe. Dunno that you'd get ethical approval for that, but dweck is all over it.

Outofbody-it's been done back in the times when ethics weren't so important. And the results were as said. There have been others.

Rhetorician-those are all phrases I've heard other people use about children. Not so much parents about their own. I guess the point of this thread initially is that perhaps people ought to let others make the comments about their children's talents rather than doing it themselves. They mean more I think.

Well its good for a childs self esteem to hear their parents say good things about them to others.

I was classed as a bright child and it was ignored. My mum never once looked at my homework diary, so much so i had to forge her signature to say she'd seen it so i wouldn't get detention from teachers.

My sister was the one that got all the praise and in the end is topped trying.

Its taken decades to get to a level of confidence enough to even try going back to college.

I just spent weekend with visiting SIL and her 7yr DS. The woman spent all weekend singing his praises.

'Thank you Uncle Pushy' from her DS would be followed by SIL going on about how polite he is and how every one who meets him tells SIL what a polite boy he is.

At dinner her DS asked for more vegetables. This was followed by SIL going on about how her DS isn't a picky eater like other kids.

Everything the boy did was followed by a commentary (in front of the boy) extolling his virtues.

The boy has just come out of Special Needs so maybe all this boasting is to boost his self esteem but I doubt it - SIL has always been an insecure person and having a SN child has added to that insecurity.

SIL is essentially a nice woman and her DS is a well behaved boy so I'm not going to say or do anything about her boasting but she is sooooooooooooo irritating to be around. She had such a nice weekend that she is talking about visiting again soon

WRT comments about the US, I never heard all that much discussion of children by their parents in the US. Nor did I come across much ott praise of children by their parents. I think many parents in the US assume their children will be just fine, will find a college that suits their particular child, will get some sort of decent job upon graduation. There was less of a sense of desperation there about the future, for all the hand wringing about the economic downturn, and less constant jockeying for position. Americans tended to focus more on the elements of work that led to achievements (more respect for the 'process' in the US than in the UK; Americans are very into patterns and systems imo).

Why is it such a bad thing to describe your dc as 'very bright', if they ARE. My DS1 IS very bright. Scarily so. His abilities in mathematics FAR outstrip my own. He is working on Y8/Y9 stuff in Y5 in maths. He can't draw for toffee though. He ISN'T artistically gifted - but he IS very bright in traditional, academic subjects.

Does it make a difference that my DD is NOT described as 'very bright', but is an AMAZING cook?

Does it make a difference that my DS2 is NOT described as 'very bright', but as 'good with his hands, very good at practical subjects'

WHY is it OK to talk about your child that is an excellent musician, or a brilliant sportsman/woman, or good at cookery, or destined for the stage,but NOT to talk about someone whose skills lie in the traditional, academic areas?

I just don't get it. Would it be better if I said that my DS1 was working way above the average level for his age in maths and science, and was good at history, geography and english too? Or am I just not allowed to be proud of HIS acheivements because they are in traditionally academic areas?

I am proud of my DD's acheivements, and if asked how she is doing at school, I will happily yell from the rooftops about how my DD with SN, that left primary at 11yo with the reading age of 5yo, is now in Y9 choosing her options and is expected to get 'C's in her GCSE's, with hard work over the next 2 years. She also makes a mean risotto and a delectable red velvet cake.

I am proud of my DS2's acheivements, he also has SN, and was headed for SN school by Y3 if he was still struggling in mainstream. He is now meeting the average NC levels for Y3 in everything but writing (he has a physical disability that affects this). And he is also very good at sculpting, and making things, very good with his hands.

Everyone seems more than happy to hear about how well THOSE two dc are doing at school. Why can't I be JUST as vocal and proud of how well my DS1 is doing at school? He is taught one-on-one for maths by the HT because he is working so far ahead of the rest of the school that they are finding it impossible to differentiate for him in any other wya in that subject. He does pages of algebra for fun my idea of hell. He reads scientific text books for light entertainment. He works hard to acheive the results he gets, but he is happy, witty, chatty, you can have a discussion with him about anything from world politics to sarcoidosis (DON'T ask...).

Why am I allowed to shout about my 2 SN dc's aceivements, but not my NT DS1's? I am equally proud of ALL my dc - why do I have to hide that fact with just ONE of them? As I tell my dc, they are all good at SOMETHING, and no-one can be good at EVERYTHING. You have to play to your strengths while accepting your weaknesses. I feel that is the best way to help my dc to be well rounded when they are adults.

I agree with the OP, it does get a bit annoying hearing parents boasting about their child's intelligence, especially if it is done in earshot of the child. There is a very fine line between boosting their self esteem and making them big-headed about it.

I was put into top sets and described by teachers as 'forward', 'very bright', 'gifted', and all it did was make my head swell and make some of my mates go off me for being snooty about it. For a time I genuinely believed I was a 'genius' just because I had a high IQ score. So when I chose a difficult degree and failed it, I was utterly crushed and fell into a deep depression, on and off for several years, and my 'career' has never really recovered from the setback. So, academic success is no guarantee of success in life. I find I am much happier now doing stuff that doesn't require any excess of brainpower to do.

It is natural to want your child to enjoy learning and do well at school, but there really is so much more to life than how good you are at spelling or whatever. Once you're done with school no-one cares how great your SAT scores or your GCSEs were. I would encourage my offspring to develop their other life skills too, e.g. making sure I praise them for being helpful and kind, dealing with their emotions, and trying their best in areas they are crap at.

I would encourage my offspring to develop their other life skills too, e.g. making sure I praise them for being helpful and kind, dealing with their emotions, and trying their best in areas they are crap at. Totally agree.