to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

Sorry sparkling that last little lecture was not directed at you

And that's an interesting point re the self-deprecating attitude being a quintessentially British trait, which I would've thought too... not much evidence of that on this thread though!

The point is that you can't say anything good about your children (particularly on MN) without being accused of boasting - including "stealth boasting. This also applies to lots of things on MN actually.

I didn't say there was a post saying we should only focus on the negatives. It is clear, especially on MN, that it is not the done thing to say anything positive about your children lest it be seen as boasting. Hence the implication is that you are only allowed to comment on negative things if you want to avoid the accusations of boasting.

Some people seem to be unable to distinguish between boasting and being proud of your child's achievements. There is a difference.

Some people on this thread sound rather gruesome

Yes, they do. The ones who continually whine about "boasting" do indeed sound rather gruesome and I hope I never meet them in real life.

I didn't think it was Helltotheno. we are on the same page I think.

Soup would you like to have a boast? We promise not to whine or be gruesome.

The thing is, SoupDragon, you wouldn't know us...

You'd be there, having your "proud" moments about your dcs, and you'd think we were lapping it all up. Inwardly, however, your audience is wincing...

Nodding at gramercy's post. There's just too much boasting and bragging. Being a little self-deprecating is a very nice (in my opinion) facet to somebody's character.

There is a G&T section here, why not boast post about it there? If you post here then you can expect less credulous responses. I think 'bright' is a label well applied by almost every parent. Fine, but don't expect everybody else to fall in.

"You'd be there, having your "proud" moments about your dcs, and you'd think we were lapping it all up. Inwardly, however, your audience is wincing..."

That says more unpleasant things about you rather than the speaker. I have no problem with friends telling me how well their dcs are doing, it's lovely to hear about their success.

Of course I'm pleased to hear about successes and concerns. But I DON"T LIKE BOASTING !!!!

I know one boy who is terrifically clever and a very talented musician. And he is charming and friendly. (No - it's not my ds!). His mother has never said a word about her son's prowess at just about everything. We might talk about our dcs, but there is no need to editorialise.

MN isn't 'friends' though is it? It's public chatboard and you have no idea of your audience.

I read some posts about what some children have achieved and I have tears in my eyes thinking about the struggles that child must have had and what a huge achievement it is to achieve whatever it is. I see other posts where a poster has been rightly validated for something their child has done only to see some other posters jump in with, "well my Englebert was doing that at six months old, hardly something to write home about at five... blah blah blah".

I think that if you have a relationship with the parent then you are far more likely to be interested in the lives of their children. Not so much on a chatboard that is always competitive and a platform for bragging.

There's a poster on MN whose teen son plays with a world renowned orchestra... she doesn't boast about it, never has, really matter of fact.

I'm with Soup dragon - thing is Gramercy - you wouldn't be wincing as I "boast" that the tennis coach said DS is good at tennis because I daren't say it, because its very frowned on here in and in RL to say anything other how bad your child is at something. He is good at one thing. He is the only boy in his class who isn't competing in the school talent competition today. He didn;t speak until he was 3 (and then not clearly) he didn't hit developmental markers until he was four and I can say all of that to other parents. But I can't that he is good at tennis - even out of the earshot of any of the children and to paretns whose children do not go to tennis (therefore no wincing possible).

I think most normal parents are perfectly capable of mentioning that their child is good at something occasionally without crowing.

I would celebrate with another parent that their child is good at something, even something DS is bad at. People who are arrogant and convinced their child is special - or at least more special than anyone elses child are always going to brag and will always be annoying. The people who would handle it perfectly normally and not make a big deal about being proud of their child, but would still like to say it because they are proud of their child, don't. Because they're scared people will judge them as many have judged on this thread. It doesn;t make for a very balanced approach to strengths and weaknesses and the braggers become more convinced that their child is brilliant because apparently nobody elses child is any good at anything.

Being modest is a wonderful character trait though.

My dcs go from struggling at school to reading at three, well he was two when he started!!, so I can do all!!

One thing I know is that I have very little control over how 'bright' they are or how hard they want to work.

Well said Kewcumber.

sooooo true Posie...
my eldest is "bright" but lazy so will never make the most of it if she doesn't get a rocket put up her bum, but teachers love her as she can answer just about every question!

My youngest works sooooo hard, but is not the sharpest tool in the box - she will go far because she has the sweetest character combined with a great work ethic.

I'm sure both will change as the girlie hormones kick in, but I think effort is a better marker of the person you will become anyhow.

I know one boy who is terrifically clever and a very talented musician.

And I'm sure that boy's talent shines through for everyone to see gramercy, without anyone blowing hot air about him at all!

you wouldn't be wincing as I "boast" that the tennis coach said DS is good at tennis

So do we really need to hear about how the tennis coach said your DS was good at tennis? Why the third party validation? What's wrong with 'My DS loves tennis and is v good at it'. Nobody needs to hear how he's doing in the world rankings.

Everyone knows the dynamic is totally different with close friends. Mainly, I'd use my mates as a sounding board for issues and vice versa - the good stuff we know already because we're close, it's not something we need to do to death!

The thing about "very bright" that I don't like is that it is non descriptive and tells you very little about the child. Kewcumber -telling me your son is good at tennis feels so different than that. My phrase is usually "dd enjoys x, y or z". Tbh it's just not relevant to compare her to other children by saying she's good at whatever it is and also, I do know it sounds like bragging and what's more if you're having a bad time with your dc the last thing you need is a comparison with another person's dc. If asked directly I wound answer truthfully and non evasively. It's a weird kind of false modesty to play down actual achievements. It's just some people ime use the "very bright" thing as one of the first things they tell you. Let's put it another way-if you had just met someone, you'd hardly tell them how clever you were and talk about your list of achievents. So why with children? Maybe I'm too British. There you go.

But "very bright" is descriptive, it's saying this child is interested and picks up different concepts very quickly. I would describe DDs friends in a 7 dwarfs style as bright, a handful, very bright, lovely & bashful.

I was always labeled as "bright" even when I was an obviously miserable (depressed) underachiever. Problem-solver for nobody.

"So do we really need to hear about how the tennis coach said your DS was good at tennis? Why the third party validation? What's wrong with 'My DS loves tennis and is v good at it'. Nobody needs to hear how he's doing in the world rankings."

Man alive - thats pretty rude!

but to answer your question - its an after school club, I don;t sit and watch him play I pick him up after the lesson and have no idea how good he is. And frankly being a complete novice when it comes to tennis probably wouldn't recognise any ability if I saw it.

And this kind of comment is exactly why I don't say a word "Nobody needs to hear how he's doing in the world rankings". What a ridiculous exaggeration! I said "DS is good at tennis" its hardly a claim that he should be on the G&T register or the next Andy Murray.

Well, there's some lovely examples of bullying going on. Were you lot the ones that smacked the bright kids at school as well, we're you?

Tch.

What a bizarre forum this is. Bullying and intimidation are apparently completely acceptable, and honest comments about bright children (on a thread about whether it is appropriate to discuss how bright your kid is!) are apparently not appropriate.

Totally skewed sense of reality.

Kew, soupy, anyone else who made a genuine contribution which was hooted at in derision, I'm appalled at the reactions. Well, I would be if I wasn't Depressingly used to this sort of bollocks.

Way to prove the point. Never ever ever mention (even in context -there is no context for which such behavior is Ever appropriate) that your kid might be bright. Or good at something. It is Verboten. Self deprecation is the absolute god, or you will burn forever in the eternal flame of mn righteousness.

It makes you reet proud to be an mner, eh?

yABU - my kid is very bright - just like all of his class. He has his strengths and they have theirs.

Kids generally are very bright.

But that 'gifted and talented' stuff is a bit of shit for all the children who are not on it because clearly the other kids are not 'gifted and talented' at all - and should probably never bother going to school again.

What a rubbish school system we have. ?Truly shite.

And this kind of comment is exactly why I don't say a word "Nobody needs to hear how he's doing in the world rankings". What a ridiculous exaggeration! I said "DS is good at tennis" its hardly a claim that he should be on the G&T register or the next Andy Murray.

I actually think you made reference to how good his coach said he was which is a bit different but to be fair, I can't find that comment now. Sorry if you think I was rude though, there was no intention to offend, I was just offering what I thought was a reasonable alternative which imo comes across a bit better.

Well, there's some lovely examples of bullying going on. Were you lot the ones that smacked the bright kids at school as well, we're you?

If that's in reference to me, it couldn't be more off the mark.

Never ever ever mention (even in context -there is no context for which such behavior is Ever appropriate) that your kid might be bright. Or good at something. It is Verboten

If that's what you chooose to take from this, fine, it's certainly not what was meant by me. I'm delighted to see any kid being good at something, but mainly, I'm delighted to see happy kids enjoying what they do.

As long as their mothers don't mention it. Ever. There is no context for which this is appropriate...