to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

There's a bit more to it, but it's not relevant to this thread.

As a side issue, a lot of people don't beleive that a child can actually enjoy doing reading, writing and puzzles. If grown ups can enjoy watching documentaries, reading the paper, doing crosswords, why can't a child like the same sort of thing? If you have a child who likes that, even if their parents do, you must be pushy. If a child likes football the same as their parents, it is fine. Why?

I feel extremely uncomfortable saying DS is bright to anyone in person because I'm aware is sounds like I'm boasting and so don't like doing it. I might brave it on MN where nobody knows me!

However, if I was referring to anyone else's child as bright, this for some reason is perfectly fine. It just doesn't seem acceptable to say how wonderful your own is.

But he is bright when it comes to literacy and numeracy. That may change dramatically in the future. He's only 2.3 and so of course it is difficult to know how he'll turn out at such a young age. But he is just starting to read - putting 3 letter words together using the sounds of each letter. He amazes me, yet I never, ever tell anyone (other than my mum who is more than willing to tell anyone she meets). Most just manage to see for themselves and it's somehow acceptable for them to say he's bright, rather than me point it out.

Oh, I also told his (ex) social worker a little while ago as she was asking how he was (I took him on from the care system) so I thought it was relevent in that context as she needed to know. But otherwise, it's just not the done thing to say. Or at least it feels that way.

It's strange though because I don't mind hearing of other childrens achievements at all. I always think it's quite nice to see a proud parent.

Talking about the achievements of your bright child is not boasting. How hard is it to understand that?

Are you only allowed total about a child's achievements if they are "thick"?

(and that was't directed at you, tigerlily, but at those who have been whining about people boasting and calling stuff "stealth boasting" It's utter bollocks.)

Depends if anyone is actually asking Soup. Just introducing it out of nowhere is boasting IMO.

No, it's just stating a fact.

I have never heard anyone say it in a situation where it is not relevant.

Boast: talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities

Well that's only how I feel. I wouldn't tell anyone unless they asked TBH. Not that it's any of their business anyway.

Often it's simply a matter of adding context. I find the time I tend to use this expression is when I discuss dd's (fairly difficult) medical situation; it explains why she is coping at all, but at the same time her brightness masks some of her genuine problems. It explains why her situation is different from that of ds, who has relatively minor medical problems but is at the other end of the spectrum academically, so needs more support.

I wouldn't go up to random parents and tell them dd is very bright. But if I am discussing her general situation, say on MN or with medical professionals, it is sometimes part of the context.

Talking about the achievements of your bright child is not boasting. How hard is it to understand that?

It's boring and unnecessary a lot of the time though, leaving aside the 'boasting' aspect, which is in the ears of the beholder, so I think one can agree to differ on that point even though it's still boasting.

I wouldn't dream of coming on a forum or in RL saying the stuff I've read on this thread from people about their kids. Just wouldn't assume people who don't know me from adam would be that pushed about hearing it, just as I'm not interested in hearing much more than 'He/she's doing great', except from close friends of course.

Another thing is I don't think kids always appreciate being blown up with hot air... it brings too much pressure.

There is an interesting discussion on page 2 of this document about what to call children who are ahead of their peers.

I agree with soup: sometimes it is just a statement of fact.

And yes, it is astonishing how it is acceptable to compliment somebody else's child about their abilities, rather than talk about your own .

I hope I don't boast, but I am so astonished by DS1's abilities that far outperform anything I did at that age (and I skipped a year in school - not boasting, just sayin') that I do ponder out load about him at times.

DD is a very good long distance runner, good at most sport, really, that astonishes me :). (Slow unsporty plodder that I am). I never fail to feel about it. She coaxed her best friend out for a qualifying run yesterday (decider who gets to go to district final), and turns out the BF is very good, too, having never tried X-Country before. Excellent result. I am thrilled for both girls.

I hate it the assumption that Oxbridge = "top 1%" or (worse) the very best in academia, ie Gifted (implying that if you don't do Oxbridge you must not be that clever/Gifted/Bright/etc.). As ModreB's story shows, why should clever people all channel to Oxbridge? Many find very different, satisfying and equal value career paths, that benefit us all to boot.

Helltotheno, you have summed it up nicely.

Oh, right. So we must never ever mention the good things our children do and focus only on the negative lest some ignorant person thinks we are boasting? Fab.

yeah soup we must never be proud and we must never boast incase we bore and upset somebody ,

No soup, if someone asks, tell them. They obviously want to know.

I find it exceptionally sad that we are not allowed to be openly proud of our children.

I remember seeing bumper stickers in the US saying things like "proud parent of an honour student". Perhaps that is a little OTT but how wonderful to be able to be openly proud of your child and not have someone smack you down with claims that you are boasting.

I am silently proud of my two Soup. Nobody else needs to know, it's none of their business.

Why should you have to be silently proud? Why should you have to play down their achievements? Success is not a dirty thing.

I do know what you mean Soup I really do. I do think my experiences when the DC were at First School formed my opinions though. It was relentless, every morning and afternoon being shoved down my throat by terribly boasty Mums. It got to the point where I would say nothing.

every parent should be openly proud of their children whatever their achievements nobody should think of it as something to do on the quiet , Im not saying build children up so they go on the xfactor when they cant sing thats false but if your child is good at something then be proud of it ,

Oh, right. So we must never ever mention the good things our children do and focus only on the negative lest some ignorant person thinks we are boasting? Fab.

Nobody's saying that, especially re focussing on the negative. Show me the post where somebody said 'I think we should talk about negative things in relation to our kids'. You can't because there is no such post.

People are not mentioning the 'good' things their children do, people are just focussing on how little nigel was so advanced in reception that he had to have a tutor brought in from Oxford or how little Myrtle was so startlingly bright at the age of 8 that she had to have a bodyguard in case she was lynched by the older kids... seriously... ZZZzzzzz

Yes sparklingbrook I am also v proud of my kids but all I need to say to anyone else is 'I'm happy he did so well' or 'She worked hard so I'm delighted for her' etc... trust me, nobody's interested in the finer points.
That does NOT = playing down their achievements and that does NOT = that I think success is a dirty word.

Some people on this thread sound rather gruesome and I really hope I don't encounter them in real life droning on about their wonderful kids.

I am British (Land of Hope & Gory begins to swell in background) and I LIKE the self-deprecating attitude. I don't like boasting, bragging, and self-aggrandisement. It is rude and a generally unpleasant character trait.

That is not to say you have to dampen your children's spirits or fail to encourage them, but to inculcate a sense of superiority (which indeed may be false) is not good parenting.

I can say my children dont have a false sense of superiority thats is different from saying in a conversation with another parent about their child how they are doing in school or where ever , My child was bright in school if somebody asked how did parents evening go i would tell them , if i bored them or they felt i was boasting then TBH thats their problem they shouldnt ask ,

I like the word 'Bright' as a descriptor it really does fit some of my colleagues, the sparky ones, the problem solvers, the one's happy to look at things outside their field. There is also the intellectual ones, the nice but dim smiley ones, the attention to detail plodders.

My business needs them all, reception works because my colleague loves people, she's not the sharpest tool, a nightmare when we changed the telephone system but day in day out she consistently does a good job. She'd panic in the other area of the business where the 'bright' ones thrive when the shit hits the fan and otherwise get bored. I need some people happy to grind through reams of information.

My business needs all sorts, I just don't put the 'bright' ones on the front desk, they get bored and re-arrange the furniture. i hate seeing people in the wrong job.