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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let my sons 14 yr old gf sleep around even thou her mum is ok with it.

154 replies

littlejo67 · 09/02/2012 00:10

My son is 16 at the end of this month. His gf is 14. We are away next week for a night and he wants his gf to come around for a meal and sleep over. Apparently her mum is ok with this but I have yet to check this. Though even if her mum was ok I don't feel right about this. I found out that she has slept in the same bed as my son when I have been away before. So now I have to go away and realise that he may ignore my " no" and do it anyway. In a few weeks he will be 16 and then it will get worse, he could get in trouble with the police. They are way to young in my opinion.

Any one gone thru this before? Opinions appreciated.

OP posts:
PositiveAttitude · 09/02/2012 06:31

You only have the teenagers word that her mum is ok with this. I think it is possible that the GF may have told her mum she will be staying with a female friend. So the mum may be totally oblivious to this plan. Speak to the mum!

troisgarcons · 09/02/2012 06:33

As others have said, if they are having sex they'll do it with or withoutyour permission.

However. (and only because I've seen it during the course of work) - the GFs mother is quite complicit in the sexual relationship THEN when the relationship ends, as invariably happens with young people and goes nasty the mother will then report the boy to the police for having sex with a minor.

Do you really want to get involved in all that?

Plus of course, if it ever did hypothetically get that far, he would be branded a paedophile and have to sign the sex offenders register.

randommoment · 09/02/2012 06:35

I'll bet that your ds's girlfriend's mum doesn't know that they're going to be together all night unchaperoned. IME teenage girls always think they can pull a fast one over their parents.

jubilee10 · 09/02/2012 07:08

I have a 16 year old son. I would not leave him alone overnight in the house and I would not allow his girlfriend, (of 18 months) also 16, stay overnight. But then neither would her parents.

Chandon · 09/02/2012 07:20

I would not leave 15 almost 16 year old boy alone in house yet for a whole night.

I grew up with brothers and KNOW what boys this age get up to.

Agree with other posters who say that just because GF mum is a fool (who may turn on your son and get him a criminal record if things sour!) you don't have to be one too.

Explain the law to him

SydSaid · 09/02/2012 08:28

I would make it clear to them that the offence he could get charged with is statutory rape. Even if it was consensual.

cory · 09/02/2012 08:30

I am not sure I think having sex with your bf at age 14 is necessarily a dreadful thing- if a mature girl, in a consensual relationship, taking necessary precautions etc- but it is against the law, and I think you have a perfect right to insist that law-breaking does not take place in your house. If these two youngsters then go off and have sex somewhere else- as they probably will- then that is their decision. And I would feel the same as troisgarcons- can the girl's mother be trusted if there is a baby or a hurtful split-up between the two?

SydSaid · 09/02/2012 08:31

Although I might be wrong as thd law changed and I'm not English...

HarlotOTara · 09/02/2012 08:35

Why not take him with you?

cheekyseamonkey · 09/02/2012 08:37

He's a 16 year old boy; honestly, odds are v high on the sex front. If she cries rape he could be in big trouble. Something v similar happened to my brother a few years back. Thank god for facebook, she'd mouthed off all over it about how she planned to pop his cherry etc. Her mum ones about it, but acted all innocent (my mum had been asked & said a flat no to it in her house). Luckily her dad stepped up too.

Tricky one, good luck.

thederkinsdame · 09/02/2012 08:38

I agree with random I would bet the GF's mother doesn't know, in that 'everyone else's parents let them' kind of teenage way which means: 'everyone else has lied to their parents and told them they are staying at a friend's house' Hmm so I wouldn't judge the GF's mum too harshly. I bet she's completely in the dark. I would second your son going on the uni trip. Or you get an embarrasing older relative to stay over to cramp his style. Grin

Lovemygirls · 09/02/2012 08:39

Why not take your son with you to the interview?

Could his step dad have a chat with him about it?

SardineQueen · 09/02/2012 08:40

You tell him no, because that is the answer.

If they go ahead and do it anyway then that's teenagers for you. But I don't think you should say yes. Not at all.

SardineQueen · 09/02/2012 08:42

By the way there is not a crime of "statutory rape" in the UK.
He is highly unlikely to be arrested for having consensual sex with his girlfriend who is of a similar age.

I am flabbergasted that someone has come on and suggested that his girlfriend might "cry rape". Yes, because that is what normal girls do after having consensual sex with their boyfriend. It's, like, so common. Bloody lying women. Hmm

SardineQueen · 09/02/2012 08:44

"However. (and only because I've seen it during the course of work) - the GFs mother is quite complicit in the sexual relationship THEN when the relationship ends, as invariably happens with young people and goes nasty the mother will then report the boy to the police for having sex with a minor."

Yes because that's what normal parents do when their daughters split up with their boyfriends. My parents were never out of the police station!

This thread is officially bonkers.

SardineQueen · 09/02/2012 08:45

Do I live in a different world, where normal people don't actually report rape after every consensual sexual encounter that they have?! Grin

cocolepew · 09/02/2012 09:01

If you can't trust him, take him with you.

GnomeDePlume · 09/02/2012 09:08

Is there any practical reason why your older son cant go to the interview on his own?

Is there any practical reason why your younger son cant come with you?

As a parent of teenagers I would be disgusted at you if you enabled your son to sleep/have sex with his underage girlfriend. You are the grown up. If this were to go wrong (pregnancy, subsequent accusations of lack of consent) then this could blight your son's life forever.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/02/2012 09:09

Since when did having sex with one's boyfriend constitute 'sleeping around'?

Cuz if it does, we're pretty much all filthy whores. And what does that make our mothers? Hmm

Birdsgottafly · 09/02/2012 09:09

Why does your thread title suggest that she is sleeping around?

If she is having sex with other males then your son needs to be careful and you should be having talks with him.

If you cannot trust him then he shouldn't be left on his own. Don't hold his GF responsibe because she is female, she is after all the younger out of the two.

The mother is applying sense to the situation, her daughter is sexually active, she is aware of it so can tell her how to keep safe. Ideally she should put off having sex but some teenagers grow up a lot quicker than others.

Are you going to stop your son from having sex? good luck with that one.

cocolepew · 09/02/2012 09:11

I think the title means sleeping around at her house.

Birdsgottafly · 09/02/2012 09:12

Or don't you think that you have to stop him from having sex because he is male?

loopylou6 · 09/02/2012 09:13

If they're gonna have sex they will do it in the day. It always amuses me that people seem to think there needs to be a bed and night time to have sex.

Fwiw, I was having sex at 14 with my 15 yo boyfriend ( now DH ) and I also used to lie to my parents and say I was staying with a female friend when I was staying with him.

I think you're in a very difficult situation, as I said, if they want to have sex they will find a way, and I personally wouldn't want that to be in a field somewhere, I'd rather them be safe, BUT having said that, I wouldn't want to appear to be condoning it either.

It's a toughie.

Birdsgottafly · 09/02/2012 09:13

Then why even ask, you can have anyone sleep over or not when it is her house. More like a Freudian slip.

I would worry that he is actually planning a party.

boaty · 09/02/2012 09:15

I was wondering why older DC needs parents to go to uni interview? As its the younger DC that can't be trusted at home surely he is the one needing supervision. I know OP said its a long drive from home but there are other ways of travelling.