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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you met your soulmate?

132 replies

weddingringdilemma · 08/02/2012 07:36

I realised with a jolt the other day at age 38, married with 4 children, that I didn't.
Eh and I get on ok, and when we first met I did think he was my One. If there is such a thing, and I still believe there us. But if it weren't for the children I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be together... He has no conversation, at least for me, though I love talking, chatting, discussing stuff. It's like getting blood out of a stone talking to him though he lights up around other people. We have little in common, he loves the outdoors, camping etc, which I don't. I'm pretty sure he finds my interests such as craft and shopping boring and shallow. Sometimes when we fight I can tell he truly dislikes me, and I feel the same way. We don't fight often, and get on well sometimes. But there's no way he's my soulmate...if he exists, I'm never going to meet him now as I would never leave my marriage and break up our family.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/02/2012 07:41

I don't believe in all this soul mate malarkey ,so I wouldn't think I had missed out on a soul mate if I were you

Whobuilt · 08/02/2012 07:42

Nope, thank God! Wink I would have separated any mate of my soul a long time ago! Grin Seriously though, everyone else thinks we were made for each other Hmm

Whobuilt · 08/02/2012 07:43

*from

Whobuilt · 08/02/2012 07:44

I'm really shite at this mumsnet malarkey Angry

Iheartpasties · 08/02/2012 07:47

I dont believe in soulmates. Marriage and living together long term is hard work, and no magic soulmate is going to make things perfect.

StrandedBear · 08/02/2012 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toddlerama · 08/02/2012 07:49

You can't seriously believe in The One??!! Grin

It would only take one shit couple to put the whole universe in an impossible to rectify situation. I am sorry you don't feel connected with your DH though. Do you do anything together non-kid related?

TheOneWithTheHair · 08/02/2012 07:50

That is so sad op :(. I don't believe in soul mates but my dp is the best , most reliable friend I ever had. I wouldn't be without him and he makes me laugh and feel loved everyday.

That said we don't enjoy the same things either and so I wouldn't describe him as my soul mate as he doesn't agree with everything I say.

I never waste time thinking about it because I am happy as I am. I hope that makes sense. :)

Snowboarder · 08/02/2012 07:51

The logical part of m says, no, there's no soul mates. That said my DH is probably as close as they come for me. Yes we bicker, annoy each other and the rest (we have a baby so tiredness has a lot to do with it I expect), but I still get excited when he texts me, and when he comes home at night. We can have a whole conversation without saying a word, and there's no one alive who gets my sense of humour better. We've been together for 10 years and the physical stuff has died down a bit (again, we have a baby plus I'm pregnant with number 2) but he is still my favourite person in the world. Sorry if that's a bit boak making!

Thistledew · 08/02/2012 07:55

There is no such thing. If by 'soulmate' you are envisaging someone whose 'soul' complements yours so perfectly, that you will feel a sense of contentment, happiness and fulfilment just by being with them, you are deluding yourself. These feelings come from working on our own inner self, not expecting someone else to have such qualities that you can rely on them to meet your emotional needs.

Bucharest · 08/02/2012 08:04

Yes, I believe in soulmates/the one/love of your life etc. I don't necessarily think you are meant to end up with your soulmate, and I don't think any past relationship with a "soulmate"precludes a long,even lifelong, relationship with someone else.

I do believe I met mine, a long time ago. I'm not with him now, I'm with dp.

And that is actually OK. Smile

I don't think your "soulmate" is someone you would necessarily agree about everything with....or even be with for any great length of time....(I was with mine properly for a grand total of about 2 months) Others have made me laugh more than he did, others have made me cry more than he did, and obviously I've made a baby and a life with someone else. But he is still there,in his little compartment marked "Buch's soulmate". Grin

I think it starts to be a problem thinking like this if you regret the relationship you are in because of a past relationship or never-had relationship.

I don't, because those 2 months created me.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 08/02/2012 08:09

I don't believe in there only being one soulmate for people, but I do believe in 'the one' you are supposed to marry and share a life with. I think the one is about finding someone you love and can work with towards common goals. People can have lots of soulmates. To me, those are the people who you have a connection with as soon as you see them or meet them and end up feeling very close to them in a short space of time. I have met people (male and female) I feel like that about and they are of all ages. It doesn't happen often but when it does it's amazing.

Bucharest · 08/02/2012 08:11

I think I agree with kitchenroll!

overmydeadbody · 08/02/2012 08:16

Well, I don't believe that there is one other person out there for you, I think there are lots of potential people we could hook up with who would feel like soul mates.

I have definately met one, and one that I am keeping. And I never thought I believed in soul mates, but I definately click with DP and him with me that is beyond what I have ever experienced with anyone else and he has the same views.

Ifancyashandy · 08/02/2012 08:32

Well, I'm 42 & single and have been since 1998 bar one year long disaster & one other flingette so no, I don't believe in soulmates or The One!

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 08/02/2012 08:35

Ooh, Bucharest - woo!

I could've written your post, except mine was/is a 'never-had' relationship; my fault, not his.

He will always be in that little compartment. :)

Original poster
weddingringdilemma · 08/02/2012 09:02

Maybe you're right....think I am being unfair to dh. We have very young children, get very little sleep at the moment and no time together. We actually do get on well when the kids aren't occupying all our time. Just feeling low and pessimistic today probably!

OP posts:
worldgonecrazy · 08/02/2012 09:13

I do believe in soulmates, I met mine, we had a gorgeous, happy, loving relationship for the years he was with me. He'd bring me presents all the time, snuggle up to me when I was feeling poorly, play the clown to cheer me up. I have so many beautiful fond memories of him, and I was heartbroken when he died 6 weeks after DD was born, leaving me with the fond memories of my pregnancy when he would lay against my tummy and purr loudly. There's not a day goes by when I don't miss him.

aldiwhore · 08/02/2012 09:19

I have met 'a' soul mate, but I don't believe there's only one other person on this planet with the potential to make me happy.

I'm chuffed with the one I have though.

weddingringdilemma you sound like your troubles aren't just about him not being your 'soulmate' rather you're drifting apart... I don't know whether its salvagable or worth salvaging, but it certainly sounds like you're missing out on feeling loved. Maybe you are resenting each other rather than genuinely disliking each other, maybe you both feel lost. Don't be hasty though, even DH and I went through a period of resenting each other to the point we thought we simply didn't like each other any more! We tried many things, and I'm still not sure which worked, but shaking up the hum drum routine did help.

worldgonecrazy so sorry for your loss x

catgirl1976 · 08/02/2012 09:20

I met someone who is exactly right for me

If that's a "soulamte" then yes, but I am not sure there si only 1 person for everyone. I think if you do find someone who is just right for you you are bloody lucky, but I don't believe there is just a single, magical person out there

worldgonecrazy :( until you said purr I was horrified. Then I looked at my lovely cat and was still devastated for you :(

aldiwhore · 08/02/2012 09:21

How embarrassing, not that it matters worldgonecrazy loss is loss, but I did think you meant a person! (DH has been known to purr) Blush

DrFish · 08/02/2012 09:22

Yes I've met my soulmate. Not married to him though.

worldgonecrazy · 08/02/2012 09:27

Sorry - perhaps I should have said more explicitly that my soulmate was my cat. It was one of those perfect relationships.

Original poster
weddingringdilemma · 08/02/2012 09:28

Oh worldgonecrazy, your post is so sad, so sorry x
I think we are both just very sleep deprived with newborn baby and its casting a negative light on things.

OP posts:
Acekicker · 08/02/2012 09:28

As is so often the case, Mr Minchin has wise words on the subject of

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