to ask if you met your soulmate?

[weddingringdilemma]

I realised with a jolt the other day at age 38, married with 4 children, that I didn't.
Eh and I get on ok, and when we first met I did think he was my One. If there is such a thing, and I still believe there us. But if it weren't for the children I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be together... He has no conversation, at least for me, though I love talking, chatting, discussing stuff. It's like getting blood out of a stone talking to him though he lights up around other people. We have little in common, he loves the outdoors, camping etc, which I don't. I'm pretty sure he finds my interests such as craft and shopping boring and shallow. Sometimes when we fight I can tell he truly dislikes me, and I feel the same way. We don't fight often, and get on well sometimes. But there's no way he's my soulmate...if he exists, I'm never going to meet him now as I would never leave my marriage and break up our family.

[aldiwhore]

Don't apologise, it was my assumption that was a little wrong!

[vvviola]

I'm not really a believer in soulmates as such, although I do believe that DH is absolutely the right man for me - and the way we met is so full of 'almost never made it' moments and total coincidence that it feels like someone somewhere was pulling a few strings.

A good friend once said to me that it was lucky DH & I found each other - because nobody else would have us (the nerd quotient is particularly high in our house )

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Tim Minchin can be my soul mate any day. Mmmm

[Convert]

I think I'm as close to a soulmate as I'm ever going to get. My DH and I complement each other perfectly. I am difficult and hot headed and he calms me down. He is the only one who can take the piss out of me and I laugh. I can handle him and make him be the best he can be. Whenever things go wrong, and they seem to quite a lot we pull together as a team and support each other through it. We know each other better than we know ourselves and, if you haven't sicked a tiny bit in your mouth yet, I feel like we balance each other out to make us complete.

This doesn't mean we don't argue or anything but I know that if I split up with DH I would spend the rest of my life looking for another him.

[Bucharest]

Ach,Acekicker ye old romantic you......

[ledkr]

When i met dh i was just recovering from a divorce,had 4 kids and was 10 yrs older.After i had met him i felt sick all the time,couldnt stop thinking about him and though i may need help. It turned out he felt the same
When i watched him rescue insects from the paddling pool one day i knew he was my soulmate.
We had our dd 12 months ago and she was born with a cleft palate and developed pnuemonia.
He was so supportive and amazing even though he was so worried that i was reminded of it again.
She has not been a brilliant sleeper and we have managed to ride this out together with minimal rows or drama and are still completely in love despite the pressure.
I would rather be with him than anyone else i know and when we are apart we are just bideing time till we are back at home again.
I think that makes him my soulmate albeit a tired one.

[PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom]

I met the man I could live and die for, and he told me not to bother. Then I spent years looking for "something" but didn't quite know what. Then I met DH and realised that what I'd been looking for was the person that, when I was with him, I didn't want to be anywhere else. I have never ever lied to DH about anything, ever - he knows everything about me, and loves me anyway. What more could I ever want soppy caah that I am

[ChrissasMissis]

I believe in soul mates and the "one". Unfortunately, my soul mate was not my "one".

[HipHopOpotomus]

I don't believe in soulmates - I mean what if my 'soulmate' lived in the middle of China, or northern Norway - we'd never meet would we? I know people who do "believe" in them - I'm very about it. Don't you think its a huge coincidence that your one and only 'soul mate' happens to live in the same city as you? Maybe they are not a one off soul mate, but a perfect match nevertheless!

I love DP. He drives me fucking crazy at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I would never describe him as my 'soulmate' - but I can't imagine growing old with anyone else and I've never looked at another man since we met (well apart from the Old Spice Guy).

[Laquitar]

The one that i believed to be my 'soulmate' turned out to be a very controlling and abusive man who nearly killed me. I think thats the danger with 'soulmate' stuff, soulmate=we meant to be together=i forgive everything=i ignore bad signs.

Dh felt and feels right. I think it is not just who you meet but when in your life.

[salamanda]

I believe in 'the one' in the sense that when you meet that person you know that it's definitely them that you want to be with forever - they are 'the one' for you. But it's total crap to think that there's only one person like that out there for you. As for soulmates, to me a soulmate is someone who you have tons in common with, who understands you completely. I have friends like this, and once had a partner like this too. We had everything in common, but it became claustrophobic being with someone so like me and we ended up making each other's worst traits worse (e.g. we are both introverted so were more likely not to take up invites to parties). We should have stayed just friends.

My DH is nothing like me, so he is not my soulmate, but he is 'the one' and we have made each other more rounded human beings by bringing different traits and worldviews to the relationship. It also means that we have remained very much individuals, rather than merging into the same person with the same habits and the same opinions. It hasn't been a totally smooth ride, and he is nothing like 'the one' I expected him to be, but we work perfectly together now.

[ItsGrimUpNorth]

I don't believe in soul mates. I believe there are lots of people out there who share same values, ambitions etc who you fancy all at the same time.

The trouble I'd finding them at the right time. If you can manage that then you are extremely lucky. But soul mates? It's too schmaltzy and Sweet Valley High for my liking.

[Dolcelatte]

Yes, love at first sight, engaged on 3rd date, 3 x DC, about to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary - the easiest and best decision I ever made. I can't imagine being with anyone else.

[OhTheInsanity]

Ahh, but who is to say a soulmate has to be a romantic relationship? Could they not also be friend, sister/brother or even a brief encounter?

I truely believe there is someone for everyone, but it may not be the person you'd like it to be at this moment .

I got older and I hope a bit wiser and soon grew out of childish fantasies of Hollywood romances, knight in shining armour, etc. (RL sucks a lot sometimes).

My DH could be my 'soulmate'. Or maybe he isn't. Either way, it doesn't matter. He is what I need and I am what he needs (I hope). Our relationship once had sunny rainbows and fluffy hearts floating by wherever we walked. Now I'm glad to say, our feet are more firmly on the ground.

[IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll]

Some lovely stories on here some ones too.

Dh is definatly my 'one'. I know this sounds wierd, but I had a teacher with the same surname as dh when I was at school, and I used to find myself wondering what it would be like to hav that name. It's wierd, I never thought that about any other names, and it's not even an unusual name. It's as common as Smith!

I met dh four years before we got together, and he touched my hand just randomly, and I can remember feeling tingly and wondering what that was all about. I honestly didn't fancy him at all at that point, although as I got to know him I developed a soft spot for him. I'd still never have considered going out with him though until something just clicked one night. And then I knew within a day that I would marry him.

[LiviaAugusta]

I was going to post the Tim Minchin link too, very appropriate! As far as my DH goes, yes I do believe he's my 'soulmate' in that I can't imagine being without him or ever wanting to be with anyone else, and being constantly astounded and overwhelmed by what a truly lovely person he is.

[molly3478]

I belueve in soul mates. We met at 18 despite being 400 miles apart. We had a whirlwind wedding/romance and have been married 8 years now. We have a massive box of leters and cards we sent each other as we wrote to each other every day. We told each other we loved each other within a couple of weeks and he gave up evrything to be with me after knowing me a month. When you meet the right person you just know.

Even now and having 1 dc and 1 dc on way (32 weekspregnant) I cant relate to people who have stopped having sex and having fun together as I dont think children has changed things, but I do think that comes from if you are with the right person.

[weddingringdilemma]

Thanks all. Many of your stories have reminded me of me and dh... I knew nearly straight away I'd marry him, still have all our love letters and cards...we'v e just lost our way a bit I think.

[fuzzypeach1750]

My DH feels like home to me.

[NorksAkimbo]

weddingringdilemma , whether you believe in soulmates or not, marriage is hard and sometimes really, really boring. It's not all magical and passionate all the time, but as long as there is deep love and respect there, that's the right stuff.

My DH drives me bonkers sometimes, and I get fed up with him (and I suspect, he with me!), but we are so 'right' for each other, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else in the world.

[OrmIrian]

Might have done. Not married to him though. Which is probably a good thing as I suspect we'd have ended up irritating each other and the glitter would have worn off. As it is I have a serviceable partnership that keeps us contented and safe. Boring? maybe but I'd rather be a bit bored from time to time than bloody miserable.

[chickydoo]

OP
I think soulmates come in many forms, the rare people we click with, as if they are a part of us that is missing. I think they can be friends, partners, old school pals etc. I had a boyfriend years ago when I was 15, it was a platonic relationship, but I still think of him today....he was my other half....He had to move abroad with his family.
My DH is my best friend. I laugh, he laughs, he cries, I cry. We sit and watch Eastenders together, we go horse riding together when time allows. we finish each others sentences, we talk about religion, politics, and he cooks a mean roast Dinner. We get on like a house on fire, yes we argue....but he is always the grown up,and manages to sort something....we compromise lots and lots, I give him up at weekends to play golf, he gives up weekends while I am away studying on a course. We get on best when we are away from home, on holiday etc, when we have time to talk. 4 kids makes it tricky.
We have been together 22 years, is he my soulmate....no idea....could we live without each other....no way.

[AaaarghAgain]

Yes, but he was married to someone else. I wasn't his OW btw..

[NoHunIntended]

I met and married my soulmate. He is perfect for me, and makes me feel sure that I am for him, too. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met, and no one comes even remotely close. Love at first sight, whirlwind year then married, blissfully ever since.
Reading the above, am I lucky, or did I just hold out longer than a lot of you (I was 34 when we met, and was never will to ever just settle)?

[molly3478]

Nohun - You have the same as what I have with DH but I just met him at 18. I think it just depends when you meet them and I think some people are lucky to meet them when they are young, whereas some have to wait a long time.