to ask if you met your soulmate?

[weddingringdilemma]

I realised with a jolt the other day at age 38, married with 4 children, that I didn't.
Eh and I get on ok, and when we first met I did think he was my One. If there is such a thing, and I still believe there us. But if it weren't for the children I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be together... He has no conversation, at least for me, though I love talking, chatting, discussing stuff. It's like getting blood out of a stone talking to him though he lights up around other people. We have little in common, he loves the outdoors, camping etc, which I don't. I'm pretty sure he finds my interests such as craft and shopping boring and shallow. Sometimes when we fight I can tell he truly dislikes me, and I feel the same way. We don't fight often, and get on well sometimes. But there's no way he's my soulmate...if he exists, I'm never going to meet him now as I would never leave my marriage and break up our family.

[NoHunIntended]

You are lucky, molly, I wish I'd met DH when we were a bit younger, and managed to start a family sooner. Still, I still feel very lucky. :)

[molly3478]

it doesnt matter when you meet them as long as the relationship you are in makes you happy, as some people never have that. To the op if you say you felt like that at the start then I think it is salvagable.

[PreviouslyonLost]

AIBU...to ask if you met your soulmate? - I did...too young and too early in our lives. Love at first sight, literally.

Now (MANY years later) VERY happily married to him.

Every time I met someone in our years apart, it was obvious that I was attracted to some facet of their personality, or looks, that 'reminded' me of MY 'One'. (and in relationships BEFORE I met him, on reflection!)

Whether The One exists or not...I'm always reminded of the saying There's a lid for every pot

YANBU.

[Bucharest]

I wasn't from the same place as mine. I was in his country temporarily and left. Haven't seen him for 25+ years, but.....

I don't think you're necessarily "supposed" to end up with them. I just think they are the person who has the biggest impact on you. Hard to explain, because as I said this morning, other men have made me laugh more, cry more etc etc. But there was (and is) still something beyond all that somehow.

I'm planning my first trip back there later this year...I shall come back to this thread and let you know if I still believe in soulmates afterwards.

[NoHunIntended]

True, molly, I just wish I'd have more time to make children! :)

[NoHunIntended]

Ooh, Bucharest, please do!

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I'm really pleasantly shocked, reading this thread. I had thought that everyone would say that people do have soulmates. I don't think DH is my soulmate, I don't believe in them. I believe, however, that he is exactly the right person for me, and I think that I am for him (he's much "nicer" than me, usually). We complement each other.

OP, you're going through a very tired phase of your life and I think you're overthinking things a bit. You do have to work at not losing the connection between the two of you, though. It sounds trite, but you could maybe not sit down and talk, but perhaps go for a drive together. This works for teenagers and parents and may work for you two as it's not so intense.

[Areallytiredwoman]

We adore one another and share basic morals and values. We have evil senses of humour and prefer to spend time together than with others. We both love a good horror film and would walk through fire for our children.

But... We have been through times such as you are describing and have to work to find our way through it. It's hard with a new baby, DD is 21 weeks and I have felt the urge to stab DP to death a scary amount of times over the last few months as he can be a sarcastic snidey bastard a bit blunt.

I agree with IloveJudgeJudy, maybe you need to spend some time together and try and remember what attacted you to each other in the beginning.

FWIW I don't believe in soul mates, just a connection and a commitment to making your lives together work. I also think that drudgery can quickly over shadow the good stuff.

[Agincourt]

Oh i am a hopeless romantic and think my dh is my soulmate :o but i do agree it takes alot of hard work sometimes and compromise to make a relationship work. My husband is currently really getting on my nerves atm but I still would rather be with him and can't really imagine being with anyone else. We have been together 17 years and married 15 so it's working so far

[CheerfulYank]

I think so, but I am unforgivably woooooo. :o

There's just something to DH...we don't have a lot in common, we don't even talk a lot. (He's ridiculously shy and quiet, very introspective.) But I would choose him over and over again. I'd choose him over men whom I could talk with for hours, over men who liked more things that I liked. I'd pick him every time.

He is for me. I have known it since I clapped eyes on him. :)

[KatieScarlett2833]

Yes and married him

[HoudiniHissy]

After 3 weeks of non-stop communications using practically every method known to modern technology, I have a delicious feeling that I am about to meet mine for the first time on Friday.

[recall]

I think my soulmate is my best female friend, she gets me.

I'm also happily married.

[recall]

also my Dad, I think soulmates are the ones who it doesn't matter what you do together, its just good times. A drive to the shops with my Dad can be fucking hilarious.

I meet my friend once a week at the climbing wall, and I said last week that we would have just as much fun if we were synchronised swimming .

I think DH is a soulmate because last week we met up at the local farm type shop and bought a bag of chicken feed and it was very exciting, even though we live together - strange.

[Spuddybean]

i didn't really believe in soul mates till i lost mine. We got together quite young and i always took for granted that this was how every one got on. Then after a while we lost our way.

I presumed i would find someone who i had all the same responses to, but only too late i realised there isn't anyone else like that, or at least if there was i would not have the time to find them.

I had to settle for someone, whom i love dearly, but that i have little in common with and i the relationship needs constant work and is often exhausting.

Even now when i talk to my ex we laugh constantly, something is comfortable and just clicks, but there is too much water under the bridge now - and i want children, which he doesn't (leaving him because of this was the most painful thing i ever had to do, and it very nearly killed me). But 3 years later, i am pregnant with a child whom i will also love in an unconditional way. So things have worked out.

But there will always be a hole in my soul which will never be filled. I cry/am sad still almost every day and i dream about him almost every night.

[RubyFakeNails]

I don't know if I believe in soul mates because I'm confused about what its meant to be. Usually I hate and doubt anything romantic, always have, but I do truly believe when I met DH it was love at first sight!

We've been together, 24 years, since we were 15, yes we have furious rows and times when we barely speak for a week or two, he has horrible feet and I'm a nag but it never matters because I feel, and DH has said he does too a sort of unquestionable love.

Some aren't so lucky but I think its the click, soul mates and the one may or may not exist but everyone has experienced the click with men or with friends and once you've got that its like being 75% there, the rest is just life- bit shit somedays bit of alright the others.

Feel free to vomit, repeatedly having read my post, think i might go and weep by the door until he comes home.

[LizzieChickens]

I believe that it is more rewarding to have to work hard and to get through tough times and do all that without some kind of innate staying-together power. Also, statistical improbability of 'soul mate' amongst billions of other humans across time and space, disbelief in 'soul', etc.

I also had abusive exes who would use 'soul mate' to excuse shoddy behaviour; they thought they didn't have to try hard with the relationship because we were souuuuuul mates.

[AfternoonDelight]

I don't know about soulmates, but I know about the "click"... You know, that feeling of electricity that kind of shoots right through you when you meet or talk to someone? The first time I met DP, we sat down and talked about absolute crap, and I felt a little shock go through me which I've never felt before or since.

I know a lot of people don't believe in saying that someone is your "other half", but I think that's what my DP is. When he's not around I really do feel like a part of me is missing.

We very rarely argue, he can light up my world when he smiles at me, and when I wake up in the morning and look at him I always think to myself how lucky I am.

It also helps that he is the sexiest man in the whole world It was quite a moment the other day when I realised I'd choose him over George Clooney - he's been strutting ever since

[Aribura]

"Don't you think its a huge coincidence that your one and only 'soul mate' happens to live in the same city as you?"

Mine lived across the world. Slightly easier to believe.

[Bucharest]

The "click"- yup. Looked at him, and thought "so that's why I'm here"

Spuddybean- I understand that about the "hole". I'm good at compartmentalising my life (perhaps too much so) so call it my " compartment" but it could also be a hole.

[Lambskin]

My dh has become my soulmate. He was a friend, then a good friend, then while I was having a long distance turbulent relationship with someone I felt very passionately was the one I realised that the one I really enjoyed talking to, watching films with, and just being with was dh.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Mine lived far away from me and had only recently settled there after travelling the world.

Feel free to flame but it is true. I knew he was the one by our second date. Luckily he felt the same or this would have been a horrible story.

We'd both had many relationships before we met, were so not looking for a serious relationship, We both had just bought our first flats and were enjoying our single lives wholeheartedly. Then we met.

[elinorbellowed]

DP is the only man I have ever wanted to live with or considered having children with. He's the only person I have ever spent hours and hours with without being irritated by. (Although I am very glad I have a job and friendships separate from him.) He makes me laugh and he is amazing. He compliments me very well, he seems to be laid back when I am neurotic and when he gets anxious I seem able to calm him down. We have the same tastes and politics and values and rarely disagree about the kids. Not a bad sex life after 13 years either.
He's not my soulmate though. My soulmate is too like me to be a life partner. He's more like a brother really, we grew up together and have an almost psychic understanding. I'd kill him if I had to live with him.

[CheerfulYank]

Oh Spuddy. :(

Well, if you believe in soul mates and souls and "meant to be" then it's not so hard to believe that your soul mate would live in the same town/country etc, as you do. Because they'd be meant to be there. :)

[thefroggy]

I believe in soulmates. I believe I met mine. It's not like he's the only person i've ever loved, and he was far from perfect, but he got me. He knew what I was thinking, I knew what he was thinking. Over ten years on, noone has matched up to him. I'm not a romantic person at all, quite bitter and cynical even but yep, I do believe