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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to ask his dad if he would consider lending us some money so we can afford the deposit on a house...?

276 replies

josben · 05/02/2012 21:42

hi, just wanted a general opinion on this... we are currently between houses (staying with my mum) and we probably need to borrow an extra £5,000 to afford a 4 bed house that we have seen in the town where we live.

But having paid off debts and moving expenses we are roughly £5,000 short of being able to afford a house we want... But DH does not want to ask his dad, and I can't ask my mum as she has no spare money...

I would rather not have to do it but if we don't I feel we will never find a house... we have been looking for 6 months!

We have never asked for or have been given any money from his dad before ...

OP posts:
Heswall · 06/02/2012 10:51

Maybe you are right Lesley about the salaries and of course we have two which not everyone does I appreciate that.

redrubyshoes · 06/02/2012 10:52

OP - is there anyway you could cut down your storage costs at all? Could your FIL store some stuff for you so he is 'helping' financially but not by handing over cash?

£220 a month for storage seems quite steep.

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 10:52

I've only read the first page because I can't be bothered to plough through all the "Why don't you wear different knickers etc"

If it's only 5k, get it on a zero interest credit card and pay it back as and when.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 06/02/2012 10:53

but it does make me laugh that no one has come forward to say that they have been given financial help towards buying their home from their parents/inlaw Hmm

It's not an entitlement, it really isn't. No I didn't get any help. My SIL/BIL got help by being allowed to stay at one of their parents houses for a while on reduced rent just like you. That is a lot of help by itself! You should be grateful. The amount you are paying your mum will not be enough to cover all her bills so she is really helping you out. You sound rather spoiled so far (only got to page 2 but will read on).

If your friends got help from their parents then they are very lucky. I would have loved that too but unfortunately not all of us have well off parents! At least your mum owns a home which you can stay in for a while, my parents have a little council place, don't even own a tv/car/can't aford their bills, and there would not be room for me to even kip on the sofa for a night!

And no your children DO NOT need a bedroom of their own. You are trying to live and create a lifestyle for your children which is beyond your means. It's likely that this is because you see your financially better off friends doing it. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that.

What about buying a 3 bed place and then at some point in the future when you are a bit more flush put in a loft conversion?

QuintessentialyHollow · 06/02/2012 10:54

Blimey!
You admit you are pretty crap with money. You have lived for 6 months with your mum, and not managed to save any money. You want a 4 bed house, because you have chosen to bring 3 children to this world, on your low salaries.
You want your fil to give you 5k, yet you understand that your mum does not want to put herself in debt by borrowing on her own 4 bed house.

I am shocked! How about getting better jobs, or not procreate so much, or actually save if you cant afford the house you want!

historyrepeats · 06/02/2012 10:57

Couldn't you just offer 5k less?

GlueSticksEverywhere · 06/02/2012 11:03

Heswall 4 beds is essential with 3 children, for the downstairs space as much as anything else.

Essential?! What a load of bollocks. You sound as princessy as the OP!

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 11:06

All the op wants to know is if it is reasonable to ask her dh to ask his dad for a loan.

What bloody business of anyone's what size house she wants/what car she drives/whether she irons her socks?

Heswall · 06/02/2012 11:10

Look love if you want to live in a hole in the ground and be thrashed to sleep every night and be grateful, that's up to you, I for my own mental health do not believe in cramming children into small spaces, it's noisy for a start.

noddyholder · 06/02/2012 11:10

Hully i think if she hadn't elaborated on how hopeless with money she is no one would have commented tbh.

noddyholder · 06/02/2012 11:10

pmsl @heswall

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 11:12

Did she?

I'd lost interest by that point.

Oh well, get on with it then.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 06/02/2012 11:12

Heswell Your rich arsed bullshit is making me sick.

MrsHoarder · 06/02/2012 11:13

It makes a difference as to the advice if they need 5k to buy the most basic of houses for their needs after saving for months whilst living with her mum, or whether they want a bigger house and to not make the sacrifices first.

If its a matter of need then it is much more reasonable to ask parents for help. If it is just a want then unless the parent volunteers help then it isn't really on to ask them. Especially as they could presumably afford to buy where they were before again.

Sock ironing is irrelavent though Grin.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 06/02/2012 11:14

josben Can I ask what you do spend your spare money on. I know it's none of my business just interested. You have 2 wages, are paying very low rent . . . I just don't understand it.

Do you keep a spreadsheet or anything of your outgoings? I do that and I've found it really helpful.

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 11:16

Just get it on a bloody credit card

Heswall · 06/02/2012 11:17

Again Hully i would be so cross if I had £5k sat in the bank earning bugger all and thought my DC's were paying 10-15% to a credit card company, the days of 0% seem to be long gone. And credit cards seem to be the OP's downfall.

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 11:18

There are still lots of zero offers, I get about three a day.

neutrinoghost · 06/02/2012 11:18

So you had three kids and now you want money off other people because you can't afford a big enough house? how typical.

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 11:18

Heswall - I 'm not rtft so soz, I'm missing out all those bits.

wordfactory · 06/02/2012 11:19

Well I'm going to go against the grain here and say I hope my DC do come to me if they need help in the future.

I never received any help but that was because my parents were poor. Had they have had a fiver, they'd have given us half of it. Now I'm in a different position I won't hesitate to help out.

However, I will expect them to have played their part. I am not a cash cow. So I would have expected the op to have tried her best to save it before coming to me.

So i guess the question is: where has all the op's cash gone?

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 11:22

yy

I fully expect to help my dc out. Normal.

everlong · 06/02/2012 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialyHollow · 06/02/2012 11:28

If you have not been able to save any money, with expenses of only £450 per month, how are you going to afford a mortgage? Heating, electricity, council tax, water, insurance, etc? You have not had these expenses the last six month, yet you have not managed to save anything?

One would assume you would not be able to spend more than the above on both utilities and mortgage, in total! If this is the case, dont do as hully suggest and get a credit card debt of 5k, you wont be able to manage this expense when the interest free period is over.

noddyholder · 06/02/2012 11:28

I would help my ds too but I would offer if he asked and I knew he was going to take a risk or buy somewhere he didn't need then no. The OP can afford to buy just not a 4 bed which is not the same as helping someone to get started imho. If he lived at home I would assume he was saving