because this is it I am never talking to my parents again-ever.

[moiandkermee]

I have never posted before but this...
My parents have come to visit us for the week.. I am from a fundamental
christian family.
We have 2 young DCs at 3 and 1.
My parents really don't like the fact that I left the faith, that we didn't get married in church and that we are raising the DCs without a faith.
But they have tolerated it to continue to have a relationship with me, DH and will-be 3 DCs.
DH was at work today so it was the 5 of us, they took the 2 DCs out this morning, came back, we played and chatted and had an all around nice time.
Late afternoon I came into our kitchen to find my parents holding the DD and DS partway though baptising them.

I grabbed DCs, shouted at my parents to get put, caused both DCs to start crying. DH came in a few minutes later finding me crying at the kitchen table hugging DD and DS looking at me puzzled saying 'mammy have you got a baddy?' and my parents upstairs packing complaining about where they are going to go till their train on Monday.
I told them that I never want to speak or see them again and then basically threw them out.

I am fuming. How on God's earth could my parents do something like that?
DH thinks that when I calm down that I should contact them because they are my parents.
But they tried to baptise my children in my kitchen (actually did DS but I am trying to forget that)! I am not over-reacting, am I?

Good grief - they did not harm your children. My Mum did the same with mine - baptised them in the kitchen sink. I have not had them baptised as I want them to be free to make up their own minds when they are older.While I don't agree with what she did I haven't lost any sleep over it. Grandparents' love is important to children. They are clever enough when they are just a few years's old to understand that different people believe different things and you can explain that to them. Making peace with you parents will be hard for you, but it sounds like you have some deep seated hurts that need to be healed and this incident has just triggered a bad reaction because of that. Family is so important, don't let this come between you.

I think what is being missed by a lot of people on this thread is that the op's parents aren't nice wishy washy CofE types, but belong are fundamentalist evangelical sect that the op has described as almost akin to a cult.

All those people saying 'oh what harm can the baptism do?' - are being extremely naive, do you really think they will leave it at that? This in all likelihood is the start of an attempt to induct their grandchildren into the sect and in doing so potentially undermining the op and het husband and even driving a wedge between them. Recruiting people to their cause is what evangelists do by definition and I'll lay a pound to a penny that as the kids get older the grandparents will make sustained attempts to recruit them with a slow drip drip drip of fundamentalist propaganda.

op should may think about restricting unsupervised contact with grandparents.

Composhat, I do agree with your last comment. However the OP is furious to the extent of never, ever speaking them to again. Which some people, including me, think is an over reaction. Their grandparents love them. Kids need grandparents and they need love. Why deny that to them and create a hige rift in the family? A reaction like this is more likely to make a rebellious teenager JOIN the GP's in their 'cult'. (Inverted commas on the 'cult' as I am not sure it is one, but is OP's opinion).

I agree that banning all contact would be an over reaction. But I would be absolutely fuming for a few weeks.

Untilthe kids were old enough to understand that 'granny and granddad spout a lot of mumbo jumbo and shouldn't be listened to' I certainly wouldn't leave them alone with them.

"Their grandparents love them."
I expect they loved the OP too but it didn't do her any favours by the sound of it.
^"Kids need grandparents"
Really? I'd put it more in the "good to have" rather than "need". And only when the grandparents are kind and caring.

Becoming a grandparent does not wave a magic wand over you and turn you into a nice caring individual. If you were a nightmare before you'll still be a nightmare afterwards. You've just got more victims to toy with.

whereyouleftit exactly. I think when we hear the word grandparents have this idea of kind, cuddly grey haired folk dispensing boiled sweets and wisdom in equal measure. It is of course a nonsense.

My father's mother was a vile spiteful, viscous woman before she became a grandmother and remained so after me, my sister and cousins came along.

The only difference being that unlike my father I didn't have to spend the first 16 years of my life living with her.

At catholic school we were taught how to carry out "emergency" baptisms.
To be honest, and I speak as a catholic-educated atheist, you are over-reacting. It's mumbo jumbo, that one act can't hurt your children - they said. Few words And sprinkled some water. Lack of respect for you, but you need to talk to them about it. , not disown them

speak to them on the phone but don't leave your kids alone with them if you think they will pull this kind of shit again.

I would be pissed off tbh. My mil constantly tried to enforce her religious views on myself and my children. The irony is that i am a christian(catholic) with a strong faith, but was annoyed by the fact that my mil(who is also a christian, but not cathoilic) thought it was acceptable to perform certain religious rituals on my dc's without my knowledge.
I personally believe in baptism, but the OP does not and therefore her parents should have respected her decision. Would posters who are supporting the OP's parents feel the same way if the parents believed in witchcraft and were initiating their grandchildren into witchcraft.?

YANBU in the least, OP. I think it is entirely understandable that you are furious, and only you can decide whether this indicates the start of a slippery slope, and whether your parents might have contact with your children in future without the risk of some kind of fundamentalist brainwashing.

To those who appear to think this is an invented situation, or to be suspicious that it's come up before, I think it's not at all uncommon. My PILs, who are ordinary Irish Catholics, and certainly not insanely devout, couldn't get their heads around the fact that their son and his wife didn't baptise either of their children. (I did try explaining that the reason that all their other grandchildren had been baptised, confirmed etc was not that their parents believed, but because the children grew up in Ireland in a school system that's still default-Catholic and parish-based, and where it's still comparatively unusual to opt out of the sacraments that are prepared for and happen during school, like First Communion and Confirmation.) BIL and SIL's children, on the other hand, are growng up with atheist parents in the UK, are at non-Catholic schools, and live somewhere where there isn't a Catholic church for about 20 miles.

Somethng my MIL said made my SIL realise she was considering baptising their elder son herself, and to this day, she's not entirely sure she didn't do it to both children. MIL genuinely doesn't 'get' that people could have a different set of beliefs to her.

I anticipate a similar situation when our baby is born.

The Church wouldn't 'recognise' this as a baptism surely, because nothing was put on the baptism register and no certificate was issued, and also i'm pretty sure there has to be at least one god parent...

YANBU to be angry about your parents subjecting your children to something against your wishes but they haven't hurt them in any way and if you do not bring your children up 'in the Church' them being unofficially baptised really shouldn't matter

YABU to not want to ever talk to them again!