because this is it I am never talking to my parents again-ever.

[moiandkermee]

I have never posted before but this...
My parents have come to visit us for the week.. I am from a fundamental
christian family.
We have 2 young DCs at 3 and 1.
My parents really don't like the fact that I left the faith, that we didn't get married in church and that we are raising the DCs without a faith.
But they have tolerated it to continue to have a relationship with me, DH and will-be 3 DCs.
DH was at work today so it was the 5 of us, they took the 2 DCs out this morning, came back, we played and chatted and had an all around nice time.
Late afternoon I came into our kitchen to find my parents holding the DD and DS partway though baptising them.

I grabbed DCs, shouted at my parents to get put, caused both DCs to start crying. DH came in a few minutes later finding me crying at the kitchen table hugging DD and DS looking at me puzzled saying 'mammy have you got a baddy?' and my parents upstairs packing complaining about where they are going to go till their train on Monday.
I told them that I never want to speak or see them again and then basically threw them out.

I am fuming. How on God's earth could my parents do something like that?
DH thinks that when I calm down that I should contact them because they are my parents.
But they tried to baptise my children in my kitchen (actually did DS but I am trying to forget that)! I am not over-reacting, am I?

The

I would be very pissed off that they went against your beliefs. If life is usually fine with them it may not be worth harming long term relationships with them.

If they are fundamentalist Christians, would they have been doing a blessing rather than baptism? Maybe their private version of a baby dedication? Where they make promises to the child infront of God and water or oil may be sprinkled in prayer. Then baptism is only undertaken by a much older person who chooses to undertake it? At that point the individual makes their own promises to God.

It may be best to let the situation cool for a few days. Maybe tell them that you're happy for them to pray privately but not physically include your child.

If it were "just a few drops of water", would the grandparents have bothered to surreptitiously carry this out? No, of course not. It has meaning. The meaning is that these people have decided that the religious beliefs of these children is not up to the children themselves or even their parents but their grandparents. That is disrespectful to both the children and their parents. YANBU!

Keep your distance, this could be the start of sustained brain washing efforts to turn your children towards their weird cultish church and in doing so, against you and your husband as 'non-believers.'

Hmmm.. I think YABU and YANBU in equal measure here.

YANBU to be angry that your parents did this behind your back, and that in doing so, they expressly went against what they knew to be your beliefs. I think if my parents had done this I too would be fuming. The way they did it in particular, in the kitchen while you were in another room just seems seems so sneaky and underhand.

However, I think YABU to cut them off completely. You should think about why they did this. Out of love for your dcs. You said yourself that they have tolerated your leaving the faith and raising of your children with no faith presumably because they LOVE both you and your dcs. Albeit misguided, this was an act of love and it is obviously very important for them. You think they should respect your beliefs (ie. no organised religion), well maybe you should respect theirs a little too. If you don't believe in the ceremony itself, would it hurt to let your children be baptised if it made two loving grandparents rest easy in their beds at night and die happy? BUT in this case, it should have been talked about, agreed on beforehand and performed officially not sneakily done in whispers without your knowledge.

Give it a few weeks to cool off and then read this thread again, OP.

They totally undermined you. Totally. I would be absolutely livid.

Those posters saying your not religious therefore why should it matter are spectacularly missing the point.

The OP's parents have shown a shocking disregard for her belief and wishes.

OP I don't blame you at all for being absolutely livid in the circumstances.

You're obviously

There was a thread almost identical to this about a year ago.

I'm an atheist, and whilst I think the religion part is mumbo jumbo, I would be as angry as the OP, in her shoes, because sh'e left that faith and her parents are being disrespectful of that In my atheist shoes, it's just nutty.

I'd also cool off and think about it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1221254-MIL-christened-blessed-my-DC

post last year. I see I have completely changed my tune

They showed no respect and regard for your feelings for YOUR children. They had no right to do what they did and I'd take it as symbolic of how they're likely to behave around your children in the future - i.e. disrespectful and disregarding of your choices as a parent.

I wouldn't, at this stage, say NEVER again - but I'd certainly leave it a long bloody time before contacting them!

Don't wait for an apology, you'll never get one. But as time goes on you might decide that you can bear to see them again, so I'd say don't burn your bridges completely with them now. I wouldn't be leaving your children alone with them again though.

Your DC won't have been harmed by this at all but it was entirely wrong of your parents to behave in this way. They were putting their unhappiness at your refusal to espouse the faith above your wishes. They should have put up with their unhappiness and got on with enjoying family life and supporting you and your family.

The insistence of some (I stress some) religious people to foist the 'good news' etc onto others who do not want to hear it never ceases to amaze me. Your parents have used their religion as an agent of control over a facet of your family life. You could write to your parents setting out your objections in detail and telling them such an event must never happen again.

They are entitled to their views, they are entitled to talk about them but not to the extent of boring/annoying/irritating you and certainly not to act in the way they did. I wonder if they will apologise or if they are so convinced of the righteousness of their actions that they will continue to be indignant.

Clearly you can't just meet up with them for coffee somewhere neutral as they live a distance away. If the boats aren't completely burnt then perhaps leave it a while and speak to them on the phone. They may have the humility to be contrite. If they aren't then they might be Christian but their behaviour certainly is not.

On reflection, I do think the worrying part about this is the physical involvement of your children

I would seriously worry about the sanity and intelligence of people who took it upon themselves to conduct a baptism against parental wishes.

I think it's all utter bollocks, and these fundamentalists (extremists) must be off their heads if they think flinging a bit of water around while chanting a load of shite will save someone's soul.
Snorts with derision.

Not a terribly relevant story, but anyway:

When I was 15 I woke up halfway through being baptised. I'd been ill for ages with depression and was self harming quite severely. A family friend had barged into the house and into my room where I was sleeping (deeply due to ADs). I came round to hear her praying over me and making a cross sign. It was terrifying. She was diagnosed with a manic episode shortly after. She wasn't ill for very long but I still find it hard to be around her.

What a funny coincidence, with The Simpsons.

you can be 'unbaptised'

i read about it recently... ithink it was in Brighton. a gay man wanted to remove the baptism becuase it happened to him while he was a child without his consent. he said something along the lines that he didnt want to be part of a religeon that didnt recognise him.

I think it was published somewhere and he was removed from the baptismal register. I'm not sure if it went to the pope or not.

however... unless you are worrying that they will come and sieze your child without your permission becuase they have been baptised i'm not sure you should do anything about it.

as for the breach of trust with your parents... can of worms!

And a new poster as well. I hope she's finding the thread useful.

amaretti glad it's not just me and the other poster who thought that!

I'd take your children to be blessed by a white witch to even up the score, take a photo of it being done and send it to your parents, making it clear that you have no issue at all with either 'action' - you think it's all a bunch of nonsense, and you're doing this and sending them a picture purely to annoy them as a result of what they did.

However what you ARE absolutely incensed about is their utter disregard for your position as the parent of your children and THE ONE WHO MAKES THE IMPORTANT DECISIONS. Make it clear to them that they have undermined that utterly, they have as a result destroyed your trust in them and have compromised their realtionship with your family as a result - you don't even know if you want to stay in touch anymore. In the meantime, enjoy the picture and sucks to you, weirdos!!

Well, speaking as a dyed in the wool atheist, I think you are overreacting.

The 'baptism' should have been given the reaction it deserves - being ignored as the silly, pointless ritual that it is.

Had it been me I would've rolled my eyes, and dismissed it.

Mateymooosurely being 'unbaptised' is totally irrelevantI mean if the OP isn't religious then the baptism means nothing to her so to be 'unbaptised' equally means nothing(?) OP of course YANBU to be annoyed/angry/pissed off...but personally I would've rolled my eyes and think they're bonkers and gently took the dc away from them.I think you're slightly overreacting IMO.

I'm Church of England m'self, by upbringing at least, but never got the logic of this baptism lark other than as a symbolic act welcoming the child into the Church. I mean, the doctrine goes like this: "We are all God's children, He cares for all his creations, He hates the sin but loves the sinner, Jesus loves everybody and has a specially soft spot for little children, and if you don't get some water on that baby's head right now it's going to BURN IN HELL FOREVER and it's all your fault!"

Sort of inconsistent, eh?

Do you love your parents? If so you will forgive them,if not you are using this as an excuse and depriving your DC of loving grandparents.