because this is it I am never talking to my parents again-ever.

[moiandkermee]

I have never posted before but this...
My parents have come to visit us for the week.. I am from a fundamental
christian family.
We have 2 young DCs at 3 and 1.
My parents really don't like the fact that I left the faith, that we didn't get married in church and that we are raising the DCs without a faith.
But they have tolerated it to continue to have a relationship with me, DH and will-be 3 DCs.
DH was at work today so it was the 5 of us, they took the 2 DCs out this morning, came back, we played and chatted and had an all around nice time.
Late afternoon I came into our kitchen to find my parents holding the DD and DS partway though baptising them.

I grabbed DCs, shouted at my parents to get put, caused both DCs to start crying. DH came in a few minutes later finding me crying at the kitchen table hugging DD and DS looking at me puzzled saying 'mammy have you got a baddy?' and my parents upstairs packing complaining about where they are going to go till their train on Monday.
I told them that I never want to speak or see them again and then basically threw them out.

I am fuming. How on God's earth could my parents do something like that?
DH thinks that when I calm down that I should contact them because they are my parents.
But they tried to baptise my children in my kitchen (actually did DS but I am trying to forget that)! I am not over-reacting, am I?

If you truly left the faith, then surely all they were doing was wetting your child's head and muttering some old mumbo jumbo. Right?

And yes, their clear disrespect of your views is BU.

Do you think the fact they are not baptised worries them greatly? I suppose they believe that if anything happens to them they will go to hell, so I guess they were just trying to protect their grandchildren. I'm atheist by the way.

I actually wish I'd known that anyone can baptise into the catholic church as I know it caused DH's grandfather great pain that our children were not baptised - I would have let him do it himself if I'd know that was a possibility (would have been meaningless to us, but meant a great deal to him, I know it really really worried him that they weren't baptised).

'How can your parents baptise your child? Are they ministers? If not ,it means nothing'

It means nothing anyway! Sprinkling some water on a babies head and saying a few words has no effect regardless of who says the words!

In an emergency any one who has been confirmed can baptise. For OPs parents this is obviously an emergency as if they didn't do it the children would be 'doomed to hell'.
OP I would classify myself as having no religion so I understand your frustration but I have to say I think you are overreacting. I mean if you don't believe it then it's just a bit of water splashed on them right?
Of course you should be annoyed as they are ignoring your wishes and undermining you but surely you czn see it's driven by concern for your kids and their own warped perception of protecting them? I mean if you really believed in yells fire you would want to protect your loved ones from it surely?
I would speak to them making clear your displeasure. But cutting off all contact? No that's an overreaction. After all no harm was done or intended.

Yes, in most christian denominations any believer can baptise another. Certainly in all the non-conformist denominations. I think in anglicanism it would be seen as ok theologically. I don't know much about catholicism

OP, I am a commited christian. I think what your parents did was horrible and unloving, even though I'm sure they think they were doing it out of love. It would not reflect what I see as the christian faith - one of respect and gentleness. I think it would be sad if you / your dcs had no relationship with them ever again, but I do think you need some space and time away from them. I also think you need to talk to them, when you are ready, about how distressing you found thier actions, and make it clear that while they are welcome to pray for their grandchildren in their own home etc, you would not like them to have any religious input - perhaps until your children are old enough to listen with critical understanding and make their own minds up.

If you now have no religion and aren't raising your DCs in a religion, then why are you so upset?

Probably for the reason stated in your first sentence, PomBear. Oh, and perhaps because OP has parental and spiritual responsibility for her children; her parents do not.

Agree with Pom - you are totally over-reacting, you don't believe in religion, you don't believe in baptism so whatever they did over the kitchen table really doesn't mean anything does it - unless you allow it to - you really need to calm down, talk to your parents rationally and explain to them that whilst you love them and want them in your childrens' lives (assuming you do?) you would rather that the children are allowed to make their own decision regarding their faith in their own time.

This is obviously something of immense importance to your DP and while I cannot, of course, condone them doing something behind your back, when it comes down to it, the fact that they have or haven't been baptised has no bearing on your relationship with your children.

Parents are too important to lose. Explain how you feel (when you've calmed down), but please don't cut yourself and your children off from one of your/their closest relations. It's not fair on your children.

Also, the assumption here seems to be that because the OP has 'left the faith', she has abandoned any religious belief, which isn't necessarily the case. Therefore the GPs' act is significant.

This actually happened to me. A Catholic relation baptized me for the same resonance (atheist parents and my immortal soul was in danger). My mother was not happy but still talks to my relative. I grew up without a faith and quite happy. However this is your parents which makes the whole thing a lot sadder and weirder. I'm sure they did it from a place of love.

*reason stupid autocorrect

I can understand why you are so angry and upset. But I want to cut your parents some slack here - if they are fundamentalist they clearly think your children need to be baptised and are worried that they aren't. I don't know anything about your relationship with them, but it seems that you can all get along fine most of the time, so cutting them out forever would be incredibly sad and a huge overreaction. Wouldn't talking about this once you've calmed down be a better course of action?

I am a christian, I don't believe in - I don't know, hinduism, but if someone performed a hindu ritual over m children without permission I would be very upset. I wouldn't believe it was real, iyswim, but i would find it disrespectful.

Atheism is kind of a belief, just like a religion - if you have a strong belief that god does not exist, it's disrespectful for someone else to try and berform a ritual over your children.

Interesting that your parents, who you state are fundamentalist christians, believe in Infant baptism. Many evangelical and pentecostal groups don't.

You are not being unreasonable. Even if you do restore your relationship with them in time, they need to be give a sharp shock in order to understand your feelings as clearly your (reasonable) approach hasn't worked.

I'd have gone mad too.

Your parents were definitely out of order and I can understand you being annoyed, BUT why the over-reaction? Why not just take the pee?

"Oooh grandma's washing your hair, great, thanks mum, saves me a job later..."

I know it's easy for us online strangers to view the situation differently but I do think your over-reaction to what was happening made more of it to your DCs really.

My Nan had me secretly baptised. It did no harm but it made her feel better about me ending up in whatever no-mans land she feared....Mum didn't care when she found out. She said "Ah it keeps her happy...whatever."

Its essentially meaningless if you don't believe in it. But yeah, the principle of it is really bad, they were being WAY over the line. I would probably ignore them for quite a while after this, but you should point out that they can splash your kids and spout as much nonsense at them as they like, its not going to change how you personally are going to raise them.

Can an atheist have "spiritual responsibility"? Not asked in a snarky way honestly, just how can somone with no religion have anything spiritual going on - for want of a better turn of phrase?
I think the OPs parent's quite possibly do feel they have a spiritual responsibility to their child's children, particularly as, in their view, they have failed in their spiritual responsibility to their daughter. She has left the faith they hold dear, and this will have hurt them - they may even be grieving in a way for her faith, and are probably terrified their grandchildren will be "doomed to hell" or wherever they think non-believers go if they don't do something to "bring them back to the faith". Rational behaviour and coherent thought don't tend to figure into religious matters very much. They saw what they thought could be their only chance to Save their grandchildren and took it.

MrsPratchet my Nan was Catholic too! She thought she did right and my Mum wouldn't want to argue with someone whose beliefs were that strong. She said there's no harm in it...no harm done to me....why worry?

TartyMcFarty the reason I assume OP has no religious beliefs is that she stated that they are raising their children without any faith. Maybe incorrect but that was my basis.

This happened in The Simpsons episode tonight.

Although you are DNBU you need to think is this worth never speaking to them again and your children having no grandparents?
In the catholic faith in a dire emergency anyone who is catholic can baptise a baby to stop them dying in a state of sin.
Between my brothers and I we have 8 boys non have them have been baptised in church but we think that they have all been "baptised" by our extended families who are anxious about our brood of heathens. It was however many years ago, almost a different generation.
It makes no difference to their lives, they have still been raised by us and still have the right to make their own decisions about faith now they are old enough and is indeed something that makes them laugh and realise quite how insaine my family are.