To be pretty upset that ds1 has been assessed as overweight and not to find any of the 'Top Tips' relevant to us?

[lecce]

Ds1 (4.10) was weighed and measured at school and we received a letter today telling us he is on the 91st BMI centile and therefore is just into the overweight category.

Of course I am upset. I had no idea there was a problem. I suppose he does look a little more 'solid' than some children, indeed some children I see do look particularly tiny. Ds has no rolls of fat, no double chin and his tummy still sticks out a bit (only noticeable when naked) and you can see and feel his ribs.

The last time he was weighed and measured (about 2 years ago) he was on the 75th centile for height and the 50+ for weight - so longer than wide. However, now these seem to have swapped over and he isn't so tall but appears to be chunkier.

I have always considered his diet to be good. The booklet the NHS have sent is full of tips about cutting down on biscuits, crisps etc but we very rarely have these. We don't keep biscuits in the house, or crisps. He loves all fruit and mostly snacks on that or oat cakes but he doesn't snack a huge amount at all. We may put peanut butter on the oatcake, but spread it thinly. Puddings are fruit, alone or with Greek yoghurt. About once every six weeks or so we bake flapjacks or fruit muffins. We visit MacD's once every six weeks or so. Dh cooks all our meals from scratch - pasta sauces etc. I noticed today he'd put a little butter on the potatoes and carrots - should we not be doing that at all?

Among my friends, I am considered on the strict side regarding food but, in fact, nothing is off limits but it is limited, iyswim. His diet has a few 'naughty' things in it but is basically pretty good and very low on processed food. He only drinks water with the occassional glass of milk or carton drink when we are out - a couple of times a month.

He walks to school, goes to the playground for 30-40mins every day, has swimming lessons once a week, dance lesson once a week and uses his scooter, balance bike or legs both days of the weekend pretty much without fail. He is not a total whirlwind, like some boys his age, but that is just his nature and he's certainly no couch potato either.

I just feel so down about this - like we have let him down. The letter is saying about how he is likely to suffer from health problems and be overweight as an adult and I could just cry. Yet looking through the tips, we already do pretty much everything they suggest. I really didn't think young children were supposed to follow a 'low-fat' diet, I though it was about balance but we've obviously got it wrong .

Would love some suggestions from anyone about what we could do about this.

Btw, I am not overweight (slightly under) and dh is a little but he is ridiculously tall so hides it well! We all eat the same food, pretty much, though not the same portion sizes, obviously.

For us, it's not butter vs margarine, junk, cakes or whatever but butter vs olive oil. Also calorie dense but at least healthy. I even bake cakes with the stuff!

Butter is fine for kids but not great for adults. The scrape of it they have on a sandwich is really not worth buying in my case and it certainly isn't essential if kids are eating full fat cheese/natural yoghurt.
If a child eats veg with butter they will want it as an adult too imo. Ditto sugar on fruit.

From the OP it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about - though it is difficult to make a judgement without actually seeing him. A simple measure so me would be do you always have to buy trousers in a bigger size to fit his waist and then take them up substantially in the leg? One word that does ring alarm bells for me is you describe him as "solid" - that is one of the euphemisms used to describe my niece who has been frankly fat since the age of 2 and would have always failed the trouser test. She is now 12 and very overweight - a subject always skirted around by using terms like "heavy-boned" and "big". She also has a very healthy diet - no convenience foods etc, but she does eat massive portions - certainly compared to my own dcs. I only wish her parents had been sent such a letter at that age - I fear that as she enters puberty and with eating habits well established the battle is now a much harder one to win.

I dont put butter or marg / spread on veg and I agree children can get their sat fats elsewhere and if it is only sandwiches is not worth buying

am inviting myself to yours for xmas dinner - i love pine nuts

It's never occurred to me to put butter on veg - unless jacket potatoes count? I've never heard of anyone doing this! Sounds unnecessary to me...

I don't have a problem with butter in itself though, like most things it's fine in small amounts. But yes it's calorie-dense so need to be a bit careful if weight gain is an isue.

Actually - I do put butter on cabbage sometimes

And Jersey Royal new potatoes are obviously an exception to the no butter rule

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :)

He is probably chunky because your DH is so tall! Like when puppies have big paws they have to fill, he's just broad showing he's going to be a strapping lad! Don't worry about it OP :)

Lillian - I also come from a family with several obese, fat, big boned children.

Kept wondering why my SIL's didn't question why it was impossible to buy the right length trousers that did up round the waist for their children. Have spent many an hour listening to SIL bemoan the 'stingy' sizing of childrens clothes. And -not coincidentally- the 'stingy' portion sizes of ready meals.

I thought that trans fats (marge used to contain these, don't know if it still does) were considered far more harmful than saturated fats (as found in butter) these days.

Anyway, OP, I opted out of having my dd weighed in reception after a friend's ds was found to be 'obese' when it was clear that he wasn't. He is the tallest skinniest 6 year old that I know. I was actually more worried that my child would be considered underweight - she eats like a horse but runs around all the time like a loon but the school nurses aren't going to know that are they?

I'm more worried about kids becoming obsessed about their weight. Most of my friends are on some diet or another and despite trying to hide it from their children, several of their (perfectly normal skinny) five year old daughters have asked at what age they will 'go on a diet'. I think that schools should concentrate on making children become more active rather than sending out shite guilt-inducing letters to parents - in winter kids are there for most of the daylight hours so it's far easier for them to get children out in the fresh air during the week than it is for parents.

Your DS sounds pretty much okay as does his diet, these indicators are a rough guide and if you look honestly at him and he looks fine than he is fine. My DS eats healtily (3 bowls of museli this morning) but also eats jam sandwiches etc... his ribs are very prominent but then he NEVER stops moving EVER.......everything in moderation! If he doesn't do enough excercise enrol him in a swimming class!!!

"I think that schools should concentrate on making children become more active rather than sending out shite guilt-inducing letters to parents"

Children who're being overfed at home would have to do the most COLLOSSAL amount of exercise at school to lose weight.

I live in a very deprived area and there's a serious problem round here with childhood obesity. Never mind the half dozen or so overweight children in each of my dc's classes - there is as least one obese child as well. Not just a bit chubby but really fat.

You only need to look at what's happened to children in the US to see where where we are heading in the UK. It's incredibly sad and worrying. I think parents have to take this subject very seriously, and schools need to do everything they can to alert those who may not realise that their child is overweight, or that their size is a threat to their health.

I am a health professional and have in the past worked as part of a multidisciplinary team dealing with childhood obesity. In about 2/3 of the cases the parents themselves were overweight or obese and couldn't or wouldn't accept that their family's eating habits and lifestyle was the cause of their child's weight problems as they saw what they did as normal. They would demand all sorts of medical tests to find the cause and in fact less than 1% of the cases we saw had a medical cause for their obesity. About 80% of the kids we saw had sleep apnoea ( condition when you stop breathing in your sleep because your windpipe is squashed by the fat tissue around neck) and only when there was a visible symptom did the parents seek help. Some of the cases were very sad and a lot of the kids would suffer bullying and miss a lot of school as a result of their weight.

I'm of the opinion that no foods or drinks should be out of bounds for children or adults but it's the amount and frequency they have them and the amount of exercise they take which will determine whether they end up with a weight problem or not.

For example my dc love croissants with nutella and bacon sandwiches ( not altogether) but these are reserved for weekends and for the rest of the week it's cereal or toast. After school snack is fruit and they have their evening meal at 5 pm to stop them getting too hungry and needing additional snacks. I don't buy cakes, biscuits, crisps, sweets ,Sweetened drinks because I know they will get some of these in the course of a week when visiting grandparents, friends, parties, after their swimming lesson ( Dc enjoys bag of crisps and hot chocolate from vending machine in leisure centre).

I prefer taste wise butter to margarine but I spread it thinly and use olive or rapeseed oil for cooking. I let the dc choose whatever they want to have food wise for their birthday party so its usually a heavily iced cake, lots of fizzy drinks, doritos, cocktail sausages, tunnocks tea cakes, iced gems etc but it's only once a year. Also special occasions like Christmas and on holiday we may have more junk food but the rest of the time we eat a healthy diet with regular meals and 1-2 small snacks a day and I encourage them to eat to their appetite.
Exercise wise dc have swimming lesson once a week, PE twice a week, play on their scooters after school, and run about playing games in cubs and scouts once a week. We usually go to the park or on a outing at weekends so more running about. I admit it does take quite a lot of effort to ensure dc have a healthy diet and enough exercise but I don't want my dc to experience the health issues and unhappiness that having a weight problem can cause.

Apologies linking to the Sun, but this article is interesting.

here

Only the child on the left is a normal, healthy weight, but apparently 51% thought the child in the middle was also a healthy weight (he's not - he's overweight).

Here's a more academic article on parents inability to recognise what 'overweight' looks like in a child.

here

illustration

Shagmund - As many people above have said, people whose children do have weight problems are likely to either opt out of having their children weighed or simply ignore the letter. Sending out a letter seems to me to be the easy option, a kind of 'well we've done our bit we have tried to help people' shrug of shoulders. If schools really wanted to help children they would accept that (apart from calling in SS) they cannot realistically change what happens at home. However they CAN affect what children eat at school, they can control the amount of exercise children do at school and they can teach children about healthy lifestyles. But why put in that effort when they can simply weigh children, send out a letter that will panic many parents unnecessarily and then say 'job done'?

Shagmundfreud (what a name!) I agree. You only need to look at what's happened to children in the US to see where where we are heading in the UK. It does our children no favours to pretend everything is fine and weight is something beyond your control as long as you eat healthy food. However raising the issue is an absolute minefield and I am as guilty as anyone - a friend at school was asking me about her daughter (fat and getting fatter - would definitely fail the trouser test), she is another one who eats enormous portions, but I couldn't bring myself to say this to her mum as I felt as if I was criticising her mothering. In this respect I think a class weigh-in and a letter home is at least neutral way of raising concerns. You can choose to ignore it, but at least the issue is being raised.

"If schools really wanted to help children they would accept that (apart from calling in SS) they cannot realistically change what happens at home"

That argument doesn't work for me. The fact that some parents will ignore the letter doesn't excuse the school from trying, as they're the ONLY ones who have an involvement with the child other than the parents.

Lillian - it's a minefield I agree.

My dd (12) has become overweight since starting secondary. It really worries me and I'm tearing my hair out about how to help her, when she won't show any self-control around food.

I wish my dd's school nurse wouldn't have a word with her about her weight, but they don't concern themselves with this issue so much in secondary.

She won't listen to me about anything - homework, music practice, bed time, tidying her room, let alone her diet.

The trans fats that are really crap for kids are the non-natural ones (hydrogenated fats and oils). I was part of the big campaign a few years ago to have them removed from food designed to appeal to children. Lots of the major companies now have removed them from all their products.

A fat child, if they had lots of extra activity and even slightly less of the processed crap sold in many cheaper food outlets, would start to lose weight.

And a slow weight loss is preferable in my view to a 'diet' and a quasi-middle-class eating disorder.

Shagmund, I have been amazed at how sedentary my DS is at his secondary school and how crap the school dinners are.

I have to pay for the after-school sports he does. Otherwise it's one lousy hour of PE a week, and sometimes that's just standing around 'fielding' or 'learning to umpire' in a sports hall. School lunch choices include burger and chips and cakes.

My DD's school is quite different - they seem to have more PE and very physical drama and dance lessons - and the school provides more in the way of a salad bar and baguette counter.

"A fat child, if they had lots of extra activity and even slightly less of the processed crap sold in many cheaper food outlets, would start to lose weight." Children don't have to eat "lots of processed crap" to be fat, they just have to eat too much - of anything. Lots of kids can get away with a bit of processed crap as long as everything is eaten in moderation. My dcs have sweets, crisps, the occasional burger - they are not fat because they don't over-eat. They know when they've had enough and I've never encouraged plate clearing - when they stop being hungry they stop eating (oh that I had such restraint).

shagmund, middle kid definitely looks well porky to me. Left-h kid would be on the upper end of normal imo. I guess that's the problem re parental expectations if 51% of people thought middle kid was normal. No wonder people can't see it.

I agree with what some are saying that parents can be blind to their kids being overweight due to the fact that a lot of kids are so their child doesn't look bog in comparison.
I also think dressing kids in the correct size clothes is no sign of whether they are the correct weight. DD is at the upper end of a healthy weight now due to me watching her portions and upping her activity but even when she was classed as obese she was still in the clothing size below her age due to being short and there was plenty of room in the waists of trousers etc. I think clothing sizes have got bigger in line with increase in the size of kids these days. DS who is pretty high on the centiles for weight but off the scale for height has got some 6-9 month clothes that still fit him and he is 2!

I don't understand that Sun link. Clearly the middle and right child are overweight/obese but judging by the comments on here, I should also describe the child on the left as overweight because his ribs are not visible.

Several posters on here have said that you SHOULD be able to see a child's ribs and if you can't, chances are they are overweight.

Anyway, can't believe people don't recognise the two overweight ones. Can that really be true?