Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pretty upset that ds1 has been assessed as overweight and not to find any of the 'Top Tips' relevant to us?

371 replies

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:19

Ds1 (4.10) was weighed and measured at school and we received a letter today telling us he is on the 91st BMI centile and therefore is just into the overweight category.

Of course I am upset. I had no idea there was a problem. I suppose he does look a little more 'solid' than some children, indeed some children I see do look particularly tiny. Ds has no rolls of fat, no double chin and his tummy still sticks out a bit (only noticeable when naked) and you can see and feel his ribs.

The last time he was weighed and measured (about 2 years ago) he was on the 75th centile for height and the 50+ for weight - so longer than wide. However, now these seem to have swapped over and he isn't so tall but appears to be chunkier.

I have always considered his diet to be good. The booklet the NHS have sent is full of tips about cutting down on biscuits, crisps etc but we very rarely have these. We don't keep biscuits in the house, or crisps. He loves all fruit and mostly snacks on that or oat cakes but he doesn't snack a huge amount at all. We may put peanut butter on the oatcake, but spread it thinly. Puddings are fruit, alone or with Greek yoghurt. About once every six weeks or so we bake flapjacks or fruit muffins. We visit MacD's once every six weeks or so. Dh cooks all our meals from scratch - pasta sauces etc. I noticed today he'd put a little butter on the potatoes and carrots - should we not be doing that at all?

Among my friends, I am considered on the strict side regarding food but, in fact, nothing is off limits but it is limited, iyswim. His diet has a few 'naughty' things in it but is basically pretty good and very low on processed food. He only drinks water with the occassional glass of milk or carton drink when we are out - a couple of times a month.

He walks to school, goes to the playground for 30-40mins every day, has swimming lessons once a week, dance lesson once a week and uses his scooter, balance bike or legs Grin both days of the weekend pretty much without fail. He is not a total whirlwind, like some boys his age, but that is just his nature and he's certainly no couch potato either.

I just feel so down about this - like we have let him down. The letter is saying about how he is likely to suffer from health problems and be overweight as an adult and I could just cry. Yet looking through the tips, we already do pretty much everything they suggest. I really didn't think young children were supposed to follow a 'low-fat' diet, I though it was about balance but we've obviously got it wrong Sad.

Would love some suggestions from anyone about what we could do about this.

Btw, I am not overweight (slightly under) and dh is a little but he is ridiculously tall so hides it well! We all eat the same food, pretty much, though not the same portion sizes, obviously.

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 02/02/2012 10:05

I love butter on veg, but its not a necessity. So its not 'banned' but considered and accounted for in a 'whole meal' context.

missmartha · 02/02/2012 10:14

Ignore it and don't get you DS fixated on food. That's not healthy.

I went to my GP last summer, can't remember why but whilst I was there he thought he'd take my BP, weigh me etc.

Fine.

Weighed me, measured me, did a calculation on the back of a note pad and declared me clinically obese.

I am a size 10. He could see me I'm not big.

I said nothing, I was amazed actually, but got me gym to do it again.

Of course I'm not clinically obese, I'm well within the normal range.

Just to say really, they get it wrong.

ArthurPewty · 02/02/2012 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lecce · 02/02/2012 10:26

Why on earth yoghurt over fruit Erm, because I understood that children need calcium. Ds rarely has a glass of milk as he prefers water, we don't eat a lot of cheese at all - once a week, if that so I thought yohurt was important. I've already said, it's Greek yoghurt and we buy the low-fat version. Occassionally, we get natural but we do prefer the Greek. Maybe once a month or so the dc have a 'speacial' child-aimed yoghurt. Children do need yoghurt and a certain amount of fat, don't they??

I don't know why you assume he has masses of snacks, I said in my OP that he snacks very little. Maybe something like fruit or an oatcake if we have a late lunch at the weekend and sometimes something similar in the afternoon. He is not asking for snacks all the time and I know too much fruit isn't desirable - when I say fruit, he just as often has carrot sticks, raw pepper etc.

My son is 6 1/2. He is 22 kg. He is just right. Well done you, have a medal Hmm.

I'm not being defensive - honest - and I think I will speak to dh about the amount of fat he uses in cooking as that may be an issue. He is a great cook, though and we're not talking heaps of fried stuff, food swimming in oil etc. I do accept we could look at it and we will.

OP posts:
QuintessentialyHollow · 02/02/2012 10:41

Gosh, you are one arsey.

lecce · 02/02/2012 10:47

One arsey what?? I'm not really it's just that you made a lot of assumptions that either my previous posts directly show to be untrue, or are extremely presumptious, to say the least. Where do I say anything that suggests I 'bung in' loads of snacks? Why assume I put sugary yoghurt on fruit when I've already said I don't. He does, by the way, have plently of 'naked' fruit.Grin.

Tbh, I really don't see why you felt the need to mention how perfect your son is - how is that helpful? And in anycase, his weight and age don't really tell us how 'just right' he is without knowing his height. Are you saying every child has to be built just like your son?

Anyway, there have been lots of reassuring comments and helpful advice and, as I said, I will look into the fat content of our food, so I'm not refuising to admit to a possible problem at all.

OP posts:
QuintessentialyHollow · 02/02/2012 10:48

I prefer not to say. Hmm

happybubblebrain · 02/02/2012 10:48

A life without butter is a life not lived.
Far too many people in this country are obsessed with weight and appearance. That obsession is very unhealthy for children, and a bit of butter is not.

ArthurPewty · 02/02/2012 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lecce · 02/02/2012 10:57

Ok then Hmm right back atcha! I am not fishing for a detailed description of your son, I just wondered why you needed to mention his weight/age at all.

OP posts:
frankies69 · 02/02/2012 10:57

I don't agree with children being weighed unless there is medical grounds to do so!!! I have refused to have my DS weighed at school, he is perfectly fine as he is and I do not need him worrying at 11 about his weight!!!
My DD who is 3 is very slight in build and I also refuse to have her weighed as for the first year of her life, whilst being breast fed, she was always "underweight".

If your child is obviously showing signs of being a rather large child then maybe it would be prudent for the school nurse to suggest they are weighed at the GP and checked, but I do not agree that it should be done as part of a routine weigh scheme by schools!!! What a waste of money when it could be spent better educating our children!!!

Sidge · 02/02/2012 10:57

We already have butter on our toast, or in our sandwiches, or on a jacket potato.

I just don't see why you'd want to drizzle it over vegetables as well, especially if you're aiming for the healthier option. All things in moderation.

I agree too many people are obsessed with their weight and appearance but IMO not enough consider their health. It's important to consider what's going on inside as well as what you can see on the outside.

I'd rather not face a future of heart disease, stroke, atherosclerosis, obesity, diabetes and hypertension. If that makes me a miserable killjoy so be it.

ArthurPewty · 02/02/2012 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialyHollow · 02/02/2012 11:02

Look Lecce, I am not going to argue with you, although I sense that you are really keen for a bun fight. I tried to be helpful, your response to me is dripping with sarcasm, you give me a medal and a Hmm face.

It is pretty common to post in aibu when you just want to prove that you are right, you know. Wink

aldiwhore · 02/02/2012 11:09

I agree LeonieDelt I am certainly not anti-fat, at all, its just something that could be an issue if not watched.

So butter on veg IS FINE... but it could contribute to weight gain if you're having too much, or its on everything etc., its a combined total not the individual amount.

I do limit saturated fats (not ban) and sugar. But we eat a lot of olive oil, avocados and luckily for me my kids love seeds and nuts too. So they're not lacking the fats.

Lecce I don't for one minute think that you should be suddenly whacking your child on a diet, even though for ME, Slimming World practices work for the whole family, we had a problem that would be flagged on any chart and I could see it with my own eyes, as could my son. Our changes were greater than the ones you're probably faced with.

FGS don't think you can never have butter on your veg again!

I still drink, my son still has chocolate and EVEN the ocassional McDonalds, but every day food is carefully constructed and the ratios of fat, veg, carbs, proteins etc are much better for us now. Its easy too and I certainly don't feel deprived, because I'm not. My son is now, 3 months on, well on his way to being perfectly normal.

ElaineBenes · 02/02/2012 11:25

That's not true LeonieDelt. Some of a child's weight is genetic (or luck as you say) but a lot isn't. And that doesn't explain why obesity rates are increasing (although I think exercise is the variable which has changed the most)! Have our genes changed? No, of course not. So if you know your child is overweight or going that way, it's your responsibiltiy as a parent to take reasonable action to help.

It's not a question of fearing fat and fat is necessary for children's growth. But why saturated/animal fats? They don't need to be pumped full of those fats. Ideally, it'd be olive oil, nuts, seeds like aldiwhore says. I don't want my kids to develop a taste for butter and full-fat milk, I only use it where it's essential for a recipe.

frankies69 · 02/02/2012 11:40

I have to put my two pennies worth in here too...I have a DD who eats nothing but chicken and is neither fat nor thin!! My DS wouldn't eat anything but chicken until about 18months ago and he again is neither fat nor thin!!!

I made a decision NOT to have my child weighed at school. My DS has a spinal curve and has to wear a spinal brace, so his weight to height is completely irrelevant to me!!! Once his back is straight and he doesn't have extra weight to carry around then he can make the decision to weigh himself!!!

I don't think 'bun' throwing will help anyone make constructive decisions about their DC's weight. I think we are too concerned with the overweight and not concerned enough with the DS's and DD's out there who are NOT eating and suffering from either annorexia or bulimia!!!

My DC's do not have a perfect diet I let them eat choc and crisps but they are healthy and active and happy...I want them to continue being just that!!!!!

ArthurPewty · 02/02/2012 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Diamondback · 02/02/2012 11:55

At this age, if you know you're feeding him healthy food and not making him clear his plate, I wouldn't worry. I was a right chubby chubster up until the age of five/sixish. Then I was skinny as a rake for the rest of my childhood. Now I'm just normal sized and don't have any weight-related health problems.

Trust yourself, not an impersonal letter based on height-weight ratio (as opposed to a detailed assessment by a doctor and a dietician).

duchesse · 02/02/2012 12:06

Agree with Leonie that full-fat milk and butter defo a lot better than cakes, biscuits, fizzy drinks etc, if only from a Vitamin D pov. At a time when rickets is on the rise again it amazes me that people do not know how to get Vit D into children's diets, especially as deficiency in vit D can have such long-term consequences on health.

catgirl1976 · 02/02/2012 12:10

I can't believe people would rather give a child margarine etc than butter. :(

ElaineBenes · 02/02/2012 12:10

Right, LeonieDelt, because if you don't have a taste for full-fat milk then you'll have a taste for junk, cakes and sugar confused. I don't want my kids developing a taste for those either!

Anything which is calorie dense is likely to make you fat as it's easy to eat too many calories. That includes butter. Just because it's not junk doesn't mean it's healthy.

SecretMinceRinser · 02/02/2012 12:14

Really? We always use margarine. I don't like butter and the amount the kids have it always used to go off. They get plenty of fat in the many bucket sized tubs of natural yoghurt, cheese, milk, meat etc they have. Kids over the age of 2 don't NEED full fat milk unless they are underweight either.

SecretMinceRinser · 02/02/2012 12:15

I also agree that butter on vegetables, if your kids are happy to eat them without it, is madness.

catgirl1976 · 02/02/2012 12:17

But secret butter is much better for you (albeit not in huge quantities)

I actually thought marge had been banned now and replaced with other spreads (but may well be wrong)