Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pretty upset that ds1 has been assessed as overweight and not to find any of the 'Top Tips' relevant to us?

371 replies

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:19

Ds1 (4.10) was weighed and measured at school and we received a letter today telling us he is on the 91st BMI centile and therefore is just into the overweight category.

Of course I am upset. I had no idea there was a problem. I suppose he does look a little more 'solid' than some children, indeed some children I see do look particularly tiny. Ds has no rolls of fat, no double chin and his tummy still sticks out a bit (only noticeable when naked) and you can see and feel his ribs.

The last time he was weighed and measured (about 2 years ago) he was on the 75th centile for height and the 50+ for weight - so longer than wide. However, now these seem to have swapped over and he isn't so tall but appears to be chunkier.

I have always considered his diet to be good. The booklet the NHS have sent is full of tips about cutting down on biscuits, crisps etc but we very rarely have these. We don't keep biscuits in the house, or crisps. He loves all fruit and mostly snacks on that or oat cakes but he doesn't snack a huge amount at all. We may put peanut butter on the oatcake, but spread it thinly. Puddings are fruit, alone or with Greek yoghurt. About once every six weeks or so we bake flapjacks or fruit muffins. We visit MacD's once every six weeks or so. Dh cooks all our meals from scratch - pasta sauces etc. I noticed today he'd put a little butter on the potatoes and carrots - should we not be doing that at all?

Among my friends, I am considered on the strict side regarding food but, in fact, nothing is off limits but it is limited, iyswim. His diet has a few 'naughty' things in it but is basically pretty good and very low on processed food. He only drinks water with the occassional glass of milk or carton drink when we are out - a couple of times a month.

He walks to school, goes to the playground for 30-40mins every day, has swimming lessons once a week, dance lesson once a week and uses his scooter, balance bike or legs Grin both days of the weekend pretty much without fail. He is not a total whirlwind, like some boys his age, but that is just his nature and he's certainly no couch potato either.

I just feel so down about this - like we have let him down. The letter is saying about how he is likely to suffer from health problems and be overweight as an adult and I could just cry. Yet looking through the tips, we already do pretty much everything they suggest. I really didn't think young children were supposed to follow a 'low-fat' diet, I though it was about balance but we've obviously got it wrong Sad.

Would love some suggestions from anyone about what we could do about this.

Btw, I am not overweight (slightly under) and dh is a little but he is ridiculously tall so hides it well! We all eat the same food, pretty much, though not the same portion sizes, obviously.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 01/02/2012 20:44

We got one of these letters. DS2 did indeed have proto man boobs and I had been telling him he needed to cut back on the puddings for a while. However bringing the letter home meant that he started to take it more seriously. He now has packed lunches that I closely supervise, and not the lardy rubbish he was being fed at school, and cycles 4 miles to school and back each day with no nagging for lifts allowed. I do think they could do a lot more PE at school, however, and stop the bake sales, etc.

ByTheWay1 · 01/02/2012 20:45

But again - it is up to parents to keep their kids fit and healthy..... my girls do Karate for 3 hours a week on top of the 2 hours PE - I felt they needed the extra exercise/stamina training - they are now extremely fit!

(But this is what put my supper skinny youngest - into the overweight BMI category.... muscle weighs more than flesh !)

Kewcumber · 01/02/2012 20:51

These threads pop up from time to time and they totally baffle me. I always wonder if the same posters telling OP how her son isn't overweight (how can you tell - he's 5cm shorter and 3 kilos heavier than my DS who certainly isn't underweight?), how BMI is unreliable (yes but for the majority using the special childrens BMI calculator is is a pretty good indicator), and that OP should "trust her judgement" (she has already said that other children look "particularly tiny" so not sure how balanced a parents judgement is these days) - are you all the same people on the thread about the epidemic of obesity in children in the UK blathering on about how very obese children should be taken into care?

Obesity in children doesn't start with rolls of fat around the neck and ankles, its starts by being "a little solid" and yes they might then have a growth spurt but more don't.

And to your question about butter. No in my very humble opinion you should not put butter on childrens (or anyones) vegetables - why take a perfectly healthy food and put fat on it? Confused Children do need fat but they don't particularly need saturated fat and they don't need lots of fat unless they are underweight or have a hugely active lifestyle. I would say from your description that he has an averagely active lifestyle which wouldn't require fat above what a normal diet would provide.

Keep an eye on the siutation - weigh him every six months and if he isn;t moving down the BMI percentiles over the next year or so then ask to talk to a nutrionist.

Kewcumber · 01/02/2012 20:54

margoandjerry - I think we are lucky with our school - new build with a playground and a climbing frame and play equipment (tennis racquets, football, skipping ropes etc) rotated through the years at lunchtime. 2 hrs of PE a week plus DS does after school tennis for an hour AND we have a school field! And they're allowed to run in the playground... not sure about cartwheels and handstands as DS cant do them.

BoffinMum · 01/02/2012 20:57

It doesn't always work easily , keeping kids fit and trim. Three of mine are, one is a bit overweight. We've done the same with all of them - the overweight one is dyspraxic and it's a known problem for kids with this condition.

LineRunner · 01/02/2012 21:16

No, Kewcumber, no we are not all the same people.

HTH

LineRunner · 01/02/2012 21:17

Oh and I am sorry you are baffled by what has been a really interesting and intelligent debate.

Kewcumber · 01/02/2012 21:20

oh the debate is interesting - I'm just baffled about how so many people as so convinced her DS is not overweight. I'll live though.

LineRunner · 01/02/2012 21:22

Whose DS?

Kewcumber · 01/02/2012 21:23

OP's DS Confused

LineRunner · 01/02/2012 21:25

Well in that case I am very sure that no, I am definitely not 'the same people' that blah blah blah.

happybubblebrain · 01/02/2012 21:28

I haven't read the thread yet - sorry.

I didn't sign the consent form and opted out. My child doesn't need to be weighed and measured. Children do not need to be told that they are not the right size. It's complete nonsense; and in some cases very harmful to put any importance on it.

Snowinsummer · 01/02/2012 21:41

To be honest I've only skimmed the thread but if the OP is worried about her son's weight I'd seriously look at how often he is eating wheat-based carbohydrates eg pasta. If you actually weigh the pasta out, a portion size for an adult, let alone a child, is not very big. I would guess that may be where the problem stems from. I would substitute pasta for brown rice, potato or quinoa & see what happens.

lecce · 01/02/2012 21:42

So many thoughtful replies, thank you.

I am reassured to an extent but a few things are still confusing me. That boy in the pic that Dandelionss linked to didn't really look overweight to me so maybe I really haven't got a clue what to look for. Confused. His arms look normal to me - pretty similar to ds's as arms go. Are children all supposed to have really bony arms then? His trousers look too long so are you assuming he's having to wear a bigger size due to his waist size? It's not clear from the pic- maybe he's in hand-me-downs? He really doesn't look overweight to me so if he is, ds probably is Sad.

Someone also commented that I shouldn't have offered ds a third quarter of doughnut (these are things we very rarely have anyway) but what about all the people who give their dc whole ones? I am often told by friends how strict I am. Clearly, jam doughnuts shouldn't be a regular part of a child's diet but if they are offered one mid-afternoon after a light and early lunch, and as a rare treat, is it a problem if they have more than half? (He didn't want it, anyway.)

I have often privately questioned friend's choices for their dc's diets (not in an obsessive, judgy way but sometimes you think things when you see them and privately go Hmm) and can't help thinking, levels of exercise notwithstanding, their dc must be overweight if mine is . I have a friend who's always given her ds, same age as mine, muller corners as a daily pudding - I thought they were adult-sized and full of crap.

Everytime I look on food-related threads here people who sound very clued-up and articulate are talking about balance and children needing a certain amount of fat and I am reassured. Then I look at that picture and I really can't see the overweightness of him, never mind my own ds Confused.

OP posts:
lecce · 01/02/2012 21:52

kewcumber I didn't say all children look particulary tiny, I said (or at least meant) some. What I was getting at is that some children are, to me, absolutely tiny and look positively scrawny, for want of a better word, and ds isn't one of these. I assume these children are fine and built differently from ds. Other children I see are similar to ds, others do look overweight. Now I am questioning my judgement - are children supposed to look, well, scrawny?

No butter on veg at all, ever? It's nicer though, are they not allowed to enjoy food? I suppose that is the argument I hear from some parents about letting their dc have sweets and choc etc so I am picking and choosing which bits of the healthy-eating message I follow.

Really confused now...

OP posts:
LineRunner · 01/02/2012 21:59

lecce, Don't be confused. It was all going really well and we had a general consensus on here that you are doing a great job.

Sidge · 01/02/2012 21:59

But why would you put butter on veg for anyone, adult or child?

Take a lovely healthy tasty food item and drizzle it in saturated fat? Why? Yes children need fats (in moderation) but why get them into the habit of altering basic foodstuffs to make them unhealthier?

LineRunner · 01/02/2012 22:00

Read the thread?

Sidge · 01/02/2012 22:03

I have - I was responding to the OPs last post.

LineRunner · 01/02/2012 22:07

All the threads about children needing fats and protein?

Sidge · 01/02/2012 22:10

Yes they need fats, but not extra fats.

Most get plenty of fats from their 'regular' food they don't need it drizzled over vegetables.

startail · 01/02/2012 22:11

Because butter tastes nice and some of us prefer to live a little rather than be such miserable kill joys.

lecce · 01/02/2012 22:19

Startail are you my dh? He has just been saying exactly that to me! I suppose our thinking has been that we want our dc to appreciate lovely food rather than giving them spartan, bland veg and then a stodgy pudding. Dh says that the reason so many people in this country do not like veg is that they were fed plain, boiled mush as children so now view veg as horrible. Most people don't eulogise over the beauty of a steamed carrot. They don't have this problem in Italy, apparantly - dh is wannabe Italian Grin.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 01/02/2012 22:34

Food should be something we wish to eat, and when we are full we may stop.

LittleBoxes · 01/02/2012 22:36

I was incredibly shocked and upset when DD got a letter saying she was 'clinically obese'. She's solid, yes, chunky even (like me and DH, despite very healthy diet, grow all our own veg in allotment etc), but I wouldn't ever have classified her as obese (no big rolls of fat, active and strong).

However, I'm extremely glad it happened. DD has been a very fussy eater since the age of 16 months - we've tried everything we possibly can to help her, but she eats no vegetables, meat or fish, and the only fruit she'll contemplate is an apple. We've spent the last few years in 'white carb hell' (brilliant phrase nicked from an MN fussy-eating thread from ages ago).

Because of the 'obese' letter, we were able to get DD referred to a dietitian, and then from there to a child psychologist, who has diagnosed her with a feeding disorder (a food phobia-type thing) and she is now having a course of treatment which I'm hoping will improve things for the whole family - and help her lose a bit of weight, of course. Otherwise, we'd have just soldiered on trying to cope with DD's fussy eating and getting more and more miserable about it.