Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

Social workers have to be thorough - they have to check things out for themselves and not take everything the parents tell them at face value. Of course sometimes they get it wrong, but I'd rather they sometimes get it wrong rather than leaving children with potentially abusive or neglectful parents.

Does anyone on here really think that an abusive/neglectful parent is going to be honest with a sw?

What makes me weep isn't the thought that some parents are being investigated unecessarily. What makes me weep is knowing that within a 10 mile radius of my home there are children who are going to bed (or not) cold and hungry, who don't have parents who are able to care for them, who are being beaten and abused, who live with drug addicted parents who aren't capable of meeting their basic needs, who don't have a chance at a "normal" life - who grow up thinking this is normal. For some of those poor kids someone will report their concerns, some teacher will pick up on the danger signs and some will be helped. But for lots and lots they will just do their wee bests to survive. So sorry if sometimes a sw speaks in a tone you don't like, or is suspicious, or doesn't believe you, or shares their concerns with the school or someone else - but the needs of kids who are vulnerable and powerless have to come first.

Mists - I saw that and I am really against adoption for both parent and child unless in the most extreme of cases.

I thought that mother was OK and could have at least had the baby. I really hate the North American baby adoption thing as a "selfless gift".

My arse - only for the white middle class adoptive parents.

This is why these cases are so so hard. To be loved but be a bit grubby - no problem. Stay with mum.

To be loved, but locked in your room at night and have to crap in a waste bin, then going to school smelling of poo so no one wants to sit next to you or be your friend? Not s clear cut.

Sadly, love is often not enough. A line has to be drawn somewhere. I don't dare to claim it is always drawn in the right place. Bur we have to try. A crappy childhood can blight your whole life.

Hiddenhome. I have no idea if you are a fool or not. But you condemn entire professions based on your own experience. I would call that foolish.

"I really hate the North American baby adoption thing as a "selfless gift".

My arse - only for the white middle class adoptive parents."

Theres really very little comparison between the Uk adoption system and the US (and I think you are probably referring to private adoptions in the US which aren't legal here) White middle class parents are generally not the preferred adoptive parent in many many cases here and will quite often have a problem getting assessed.

Condemn entire professions based on my own experience?

I find it's best not to expect too much from people and to always protect yourself.

If you think that so called professionals are universally doing a good job, then you're wrong. I have encountered, and still do, too many fools to know that is the case. I trust my own judgement. I am very rarely wrong.

The risk factors are lower for newborns than for older and mobile babies so the ramping up as the mother was about to deliver seemed a bit strange but was apparently social services policy. I don't know why.

They didn't share everything on T.V, Kew, I know enough to realise that.

I didn't feel so strongly about post-partum decisions until I had given birth. Twice. I was in foster care as a baby for a matter of months and I feel desperately sorry for my birth mother. She wasn't even given a bloody chance. No money, no support - nothing.

I must admit I am really really shocked that enough detail about a CP case was put out on TV to assess the suitability of a parent. Really shocked. Does the child have no rights? Did the parents really not mind every issue that the SW's have with their parenting aired in public.

Blimey.

Apparently it all went through a judge and parents signed various docs. So seems above board buti would question how much theparents could understand.

Spero - I remember a girl when DS1 was about 5 or 6. The Mum and Dad were professionals (Doctors) and the kids were obviously totally fine. I saw that the girl was wearing the most creased schooldress I have ever seen. Creased but clean, honestly looked like the cat had sicked it up.

I thought - you would not do that if you were on benefits. You would be too scared.

I just watched this program on the iplayer, my heart is in absolute pieces for those parents. I think they could have been given more support before taking their children away. The poor little boy was so sad to be separated from his dad.

"A written plan" is not enough for someone who is not used to caring properly for a home and for a child, they need proper support, training. Poor poor children.

timetoask, there is a whole thread on this prog, I'd suggest you read it. They did far more than giving a plan before "taking their children away".

sorry mists should just clarify new born babies are thought to be more at risks in many circumstances as they need regular feeding, warmth etc and they can not show that they are suffering in the same way that older children can, in the case on tv the newborn was also born pre-term and that meant that that the level of vulnerability is even higher, i have worked for 10 years with social workers and the greatest worry is always about new borns in my experience.

There is a child at my daughter school, parents are both Dr's we dropped her back after a play date to an empty house at 9pm at night, she's 11. The older brother is meant to watch her but often buggers off and leaves her alone.
Imagine if those parents were plumbers and child at the local comp whole different kettle of fish. Private schools don't seem to have a bloody clue re CP

timetoask - i think that the little boy should not have been taken away at all. The Dad was a bit iffy but the Mum was OK - seemed a kind soul.

And, at the time of going to press, the boy hadn't been adopted. I bet he never is.

Reading through what some people on this thread have gone through is enough to make me feel wary of them. I think if they caught nearly anyone's house at the wrong time, they could probably make a case for neglect. I think the really worrying thing is the inconsistency, as outcomes seem so variable.

I agree that independent schools seem to have to CP stuff in place! It's like, if the parents have money to send kids to school, everything is A-OK.

RainbowBrite I really hope you don't ever have to deal with SS but if you do, please go in with an open mind and don't be phased by the one-sidedness of what you read esp here.

I never plan to work in child protection but I know I'm going into the profession to empower people, help them access resources & give them time and space to work through what is going on both externally and internally. I know I am not alone in my feelings. We're not all evil baby snatchers. Some of us genuinely are entering this profession for the sake of people. It certainly ain't for the pay or good job conditions!

My sons private school has a copy if the local authority child protection policy on virtually every notice board.

I kind of think I should act like my Mum used to and have the house "ready for inspection" at all times.

As a mum I should hoover, cook properly, have the laundry done, make the beds in the morning. I work part time but I spend a lot of time pissing about - on the internet!

We, as liberated women (or lazy articles) balk at that.

My house SHOULD be OK for random visits.

I just watch a LOT of TV. Or piss around online.

That is really the truth, I am lazy about the house.

rainbow to offer some reasurance neglect cases are never one visit and then concerns, after a concerning visit if improvements are made then the case should be closed. in terms of a case a neglect case to be presented at court would need to have documented concerns over a long period of time, not just concerns from ss but from health and education as well, as well as a failure of parents to make the improvments necessary. in many professions there are inconsistencies, i am hoping that this will improve things in sw now there is sw registration.

I've no experience with social workers personally, so whilst I don't really worry, I guess with all the stories you hear I am a little weary of them. DH grew up in care and absolutely hates them with a passion, he is also very scared of any kind of intervention (don't know if that's the right word) by people in authority. DD1 is currently being assessed for ASD and he's terrified in case they find "something" and use it against us. I know it's not like that, and I have full confidence that if she does have ASD it will be about support more than anything else.

Looking at the absolute state of the home in the first part of that show (currently watching on iplayer, haven't got all the way through yet) I would say I've nothing to worry about. My house is very cluttered because it's tiny and there's 5 of us, but nothing like on that programme. Yes my washing basket is overflowing but I've got nowhere to dry all the goddam washing atm because my dryer is broken. And DSD is currently sleeping on a mattress in her bedroom after taking apart and getting rid of her old one yesterday. But that's only because the bastards never delivered her new bed yesterday. Although I don't think that matters anyway as she's 19.

Kids room is probably messy and cluttered and a bit dusty but it's clean. As for the bathroom I can't stand dirty toilets and sinks and baths/showers urgh make me want to vomit, keep mine very clean.

I'm lazy about the house. If I'm the SW who ever visits your house, I promise I won't care. Toys and mess? Fine. I'd prefer you didn't have a rat infestation though, not least because I'm terrified after meeting a rat at a train station. Don't ask!

my house is definitly not always ready for inspection!

Saw your post paper and I agree. Perhaps the higher risk is for usual caring families and just based on accidents which are nobody's fault.