Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

When there are people who are slags about housework and maybe have depression or PND but could be good mums why are they targetted when there are cases of genuine cruelty AND boyfriends should be a real cause for concern.

I think that little babies and boyfriends (not their father) don't mix. Babies can be very annoying and immature boyfriends - hmmm.

Would i ever gain employment as a SW, after university, considering their need to monitor us, in the past?

i am absolutely petrified of social services. i think it's just a general fear of losing ds but you hear stories of children being taken away for fairly trivial things.

im scared of other proffessionals too, i love my health visitor she is fantastic, no one as helped me more than her but i am still scared to mention things just incase she rung social services.

my house is clean, my ds has a bed, tooth brush, a set meal time, attends all appointments, loved and wanted ect so i don't think i have anything to worry about but i get depressed alot, i had PND much worse than i let on but i darent say anything :(

there's no consistency with sw's you just dont know what that they will do

Yes, you mostly certainly could, GoingforGoalWeight. The only thing they do ask is that you let them know if your children are currently under the safeguarding team. I see no reason why they'd need to know your past.

HTH.

Thank you for the reply crashdoll :)

I'm actually sad to hear so many people are afraid, especially if they could benefit from services. There are things available and there are professionals out there to help and not to punish. I don't doubt that there are some crap SWers but there are some fantastic ones as well. All of my lecturers are the most amazing people on earth and all are still practicing.

IMO, the real problem is all the red tape and crap procedures and agency policies. It's about the people, not the policies. The government could benefit from realising that but I guess I'm asking too much.

And with that, I'm off to bed.

My lovely HV has subsequently told me that she thought I might have been setting too high standards for myself when DS was born based on the tidiness and cleanliness of the house. And the pile of newborn nappies all ready-wrapped in sacks which would go in a sodding nappy bin ANYWAY.

It was only when I was showing her out and I realised that the sweatshirt I was wearing, which had some sort of writing on, was back to front and she took it completely in her stride that I knew without a doubt that she was a good'un. We joked about it for years.

My case is being closed tomorrow. The SW didn't close it straight away as she wanted proof that the house would stay clean over a period of time iyswim.

Despite my experiences I don't hate SS, I would be wary, and have seen first hand that they lie. They also helped me, mainly with referrals to things I didn't know existed, ie self esteem classes.

going, it shouldn't be an issue and from my point of view it would be good to have people in the profession who have experienced it from another side.

crashdoll - that's interesting.

If I was a SW and made an unexpected visit on someone.

I would want to see that there was a fridge, with some bread, butter, milk, cheese, eggs.

Freezer - some fish fingers, chips, ice cream.

Cupboards, some beans, cereal, porridge.

Or similar - basically to know there was a meal in the house.

Bedrooms - somewhere for everyone to sleep, enough blankets, pillows, duvets, sheets.

With this I would not mind if kids were kipping in with each other or with mum because they want to.

Bathroom - OK with some shampoo, soap, toothbrushes and toothpaste. And not TOO bogging.

At least one towel.

Heating, hot water.

Enough clothes for 3 changes, 2 pairs of shoes each.

paper but i musn't tell anybody about my past experience as it might jepordise my chances?

You wouldn't like the contents of the fridge / freezer of people who meal-plan responsibly if you visited on the day before they shop.

Then again I am mindful of this and always keep enough in the cupboards to make from-scratch meals. DH thinks I'm mad with my can habit but I am a bit paranoid.

judgy that makes sense but it doesn't take long in the job to whittle that list down to something to eat, something to sleep on and under, something weather appropriate to wear and the ability to sit in the house for 30 mins without wanting to leave due to cold/smell.

Goingforgoal - it could be an advantage. It would certainly help you relate to clients.

Op - a creased dress would be about 9,99999 down the list of relevant concerns unless it was something that was makingnthe child upset and then I suppose it could be an issue. But SW have slightly more pressing concerns than assessing people's ironing skills.

Hunty's post on the other thread was bloody heart-breaking. She said that she found out as a young adult that you could buy sheets in shops but nobody had ever said to her that they were anything but a luxury.

going, i am afraid i can't remember your precise issues but if it was some time ago and you can evidence the changes that you have made then it shouldn't be an issue. crash is right you don't have to say anything about it at the interview but as part of your relationship with your colleages (sp), if you were working with me then i would appreciate your insight.

My sons childminder remarked that her worst dressed child EVER was the child of psychiatrist parents. Apparently they didn't believe in buying too many clothes. Their child would dress in too short trousers and childminder would give them clothes for him. .

I'm happy paper, thanks.

goal i'm going to bed now but please pm me if you have any further questions

Paper - did you mean me, jugsy not judjy?

Aye - but what I am saying is that there is No 1 criteria isn't it?

I felt that those parents from last night's TV prog were up against about 10 professionals who were far more educated that they were.

Does every child from SN parents have to be removed?

Possibly?!

Is that eugenics?

Yes in the scared camp, bitter experience; ironic as a close relative had a career in child protection (as a SW), so I know full well what real abuse/neglect are, but I don't think those standards apply any more; I think it's rumour, unpublished internal guidelines that have no relation to common practice or tradition, heresay & vague allegations, nowadays. That's all it takes to get on their radar. Our society is in love with cotton wool & anonymous hotlines where children are concerned, and SWs are expected to be the champions of those modern expectations.

ragged - interested in what you have to say but a bit too thick to get it. Could you unravel that for me please?

No not every child is removed from parents with SN but it will depend very much on how much of a supportive family they have. If they are isolated then often they simply can't look after a child, not unless they have pretty full on support.

And then you have to face that the child will attach to the support worker, not the parent. And you have to pay the bill.

If it were eugenics, then people with SN would be sterilised. Its not eugenics. Its about trying to do the best in a difficult and sad situation.