Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

Hiddenhome you need to learn to listen to other people's opinions and respect their own experiences. That does not mean you have to agree with them, just accept they are what they are.

Spero - sorry, thought we were talking about Swedish tax etc.

Can we get back on track.

iaint what would be your answer, to the question, regarding leaving children alone in the house, for minutes, whilst parent nips to the shops/garage forecourt?

same question for a thirteen year old SN child?

Spero i was talking to Hiddenhome, read my previous comments pls, before biting my head off

Nope. Don't agree I have gone 'nuts' at any stage. Possibly we will have to agree to disagree about that. I think my contributions have been entirely nut free.

Someone is unlikely to admit to lying I agree. But it is difficult to maintain and sustain a lie in 600 pages of information which is coming from many different sources.

For example - SW lies and says parents didn't do X or Y. There is information from a number of different sources to prove that parents did do X and Y. Thus SW would have to be pretty stupid to maliciously lie.

SW don't act in isolation. Their actions are open to very detailed scrutiny from a number of sources.

Spero - I thought that that Dad from the TV prog last night was too "childish" to look after a child. He could not play with the child, did you see it?

The main problem is, is that if YOU are the parent whose dc have been allocated the SW that doesn't want to work with you, and doesn't help you to access services, and LIES outright on forms, it may be too late once it has been discovered by those higher up than her for YOUR family.

YOUR dc may have been adopted, and once that has happened, even if it is later proven that your SW has a dubious record, and has lied in other cases in the future, YOU have still lost your dc. In that situation, you're not going to give a rats fart that she has been prevented from doing it to someone else, when NOTHING will get your dc back to you.

And, in family courts, while the judge makes the final decision, in reality, all he does is rubber-stamp the SW's recommendation. So if you have a SW that lies, yet is still trusted by her management team, and the judge rubber-stamps the SW's recommedation that your dc are adopted, then there is NOWHERE that you can turn to.

SFW if 3 years down the line, that SW gets sacked when her lies get discovered. The apology letter they send you means FUCK ALL when you cannot be reunited with your dc.

Or if your dc has undiagnosed osteogenis imperfecta. And has been taken away because they have a spiral leg fracture, which is, I admit, abuse in 99% of cases, your dc is adopted out, then 2 years down the line, you receive a contact letter that tells you they have been diagnoses with this condition. That can make even the lightest touch fracture bones. And when you speak to solicitors, you get told that even though it has been PROVEN that you did NOTHING to harm your dc (in fact, the dc was taken away while you were in hospital, pressing doctors for an explanation for the fracture), you cannot be reunited with them because they are 'settled' where they are. Even though your younger dc is FINE with you. (True story from a close friend btw).

*caveat - I'm NOT saying that ALL SW's do this, but it DOES happen, and even ONCE is too often. When it is YOUR child that has been adopted, YOU aren't going to give a flying fuck if it LATER comes out that your SW lied and caused this to happen.

I haven't bitten anyone's head off? I have been directing all my comments to hiddenhome for what its worth.

I hope I haven't bitten her head off, merely pointed out some of the problems in her approach.

Mists - It does seem to be easier to get on training to be a SW than in the past. But that doesn't mean those people who are unsuitable actually get a job

GoingForGoalWeight it depends on the age and capacity of the child and the circumstances , i don't claim to know everything or too much of anything. But the law is clear on leaving young children alone in the home. It does not necessarily mean children will be removed. Like i said it depends on a case by case basis

Spero - you haven't gone "nuts", I apologise. The thread went a little nuts. Soz.

sorry Spero

I had an experience with a social worker once. About 3 years ago.

I was in the process of separating with DS's father. He was moving out of the family home. A row ensued one night, about 2 nights before he was due to move out. He became aggressive and threatening, and started breaking (my) things in the house. I rang the police, they came, questioned us both, and took him out of the situation. He admitted what he had done, and was cautioned.

He stayed at his parents following this, and came back when I wasn't there to collect his things.

The police notified social services - despite me asking if this case would trigger a referral and being told no.

They turned up 3 weeks later full of ridiculous questions and stated that "if you ring the police again, we will be doing a full assessment, and will not allow your child to have access with his father". What kind of idiotic statement is that? That could have just given my ex free range to trash my home, because if I called the police, social workers would return, and turn my life upside down, therefore he would know I wouldn't - I needed my ex involved in my sons life as without him, I would have lost my job, and my home. I have never ever had any concerns about him as a father, never before, and never since. As much as I dislike him, he loves his son.

I also told them that they should be speaking to him, not me, as I was not the one with the problem - as the innocent party. They said because he had moved out of the area, they had no responsibility to speak to him.

Idiots.

They did come back actually, 3 months later to inquire why my son wasn't registered at a school. He was. Just not in their authority. They then rang the school, and spoke to my mum, who is the head teacher, to confirm he attended there. She was then made aware of everything I had wanted to keep to myself. So, thanks for that social workers.

Never heard from them again, never had reason to. I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. And I work in conjunction with them sometimes.

Ps. My cat shits in the bath. Regularly. It get cleaned up when noticed. Or if we have run out of wipes/toilet paper, then cleaned later that day. Bad me.

Judge does not rubber stamp LA. That simply does not happen.

I did see dad in adoption programme. He is a prime example of a difficult case. He claimed to love his child and I didn't see examples of obvious physical cruelty - but he could not provide any basic care, he couldn't dress his child, change his nappy, he couldn't talk to the child or play with him. Maybe he could have been taught to do some of that but it would have required a massive amount of time and support. His little boy didn't have much time, he was already three.

Me too Spero boo hoo - pls forgive.

Going to bed, good night everyone :)

SW in my experience are awfully scaring. I had the unfortunate task of being stuck with one who constantly lied, accused and insinuated ridiculous stories just to get her way!
I met a new one from India who had no training in our laws or SW proceedings but she was actually ok despite not having a clue what she was supposed to do half the time! And it was due to SWs and the child protection lots incompetence that my court case fell through. But that's another story. Actually no not exactly scared but very wary of them

Spero hates us all now.

I am full of love and compassion for you all (gritted teeth emoticon)

What qualifications do you need to be a social worker these days?

Thank you iaint :)

I like Spero :)

I think you need a degree and then some post graduate training?

I would like to see a requirement that you can only be a social worker once you are over 30 - I think you do need some life experience and some compassion. I do agree that some SW lack people skills - but this isn't a criticism of SW per se, its a human problem.

thank you goingforgoal - unless you are John Hemming's sock puppet and this is a cunning ruse...

I think confidence is key. A bit of posh-accented outrage can't be beat.

[speaks from experience emoticon]

ginmakesitallok - Would you be OK with children being unecessarily removed if it was YOUR child/ren? I doubt that highly.