Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

op - if you cut nurseries this will have a massive impact on a lot of children who really need the nursery provision due to their home circs. Good nursery provision is an essential part of the services a lot of parents need.

But good for you for being willing to pay more tax! most people who get upset when I say money is a relevant issue go strangely quiet when I ask them how much more tax they will pay...

I agree with your definition of cruelty, but do you also agree that parents can do a lot of harm to a child without meaning to?

GoingFor - balls - everyone nips to the shop.

That said, I would not have left my kids at home if they were less than 10 for more than a 10 minute pop to the shops. And only for 10 mins. If I had a baby who was driving me insane with crying I would put it in the cot and go in the garden.

I would go to the pub up the road or 1 hour with a mobile phone if they were 15.

Garage forecourt - I would have left them from birth if I could see them.

perception - what do SW gain from lying?

I knew a woman who had seven children who all went through the school I was working in. She had nothing better do do but complain, complain and complain.

My DD and I went to a play-date in her house once. It was a large house, but filthy. Really disgusting. The fish-fingers were cooked on a tray that had decades of grease on and her youngest girls aged four and five were throwing things at her and telling her to shut the fuck up.

I made my excuses and left with DD.

She was training to be a social worker even though every single child of hers had gone off the rails in one way or another. She really wanted to have power over other parents for some reason and she will have got it sadly.

kansas your grammar and English is very poor

Just an observation.

I don't think they lie to 'gain' in many cases.

From what I have seen, it's to avoid getting in trouble. If they deny deny the assumption is always in their favour.

So you met some weirdo who was training to be a SW - did she actually end up getting a job as a SW?

What has this got to do with anything? All professions, all walks of life have the great, the good and the not so good. I have met and worked with 100s of SW over the years.

Some were arrogant and stupid. Most were hardworking and under a great deal of stress.

Some had a perception of the case that I didn't share. Some were sloppy with their chronologies or could have written their statements more clearly. Some clearly had taken against the parents and didn't like them. That influenced the way they acted.

But I have never ever met a SW who lied. Some made mistakes yes, but cold hearted, malicious lying to serve an agenda? Never.

I am not saying it is impossible or has never happened. As I have not yet worked with every single SW in the UK I could not claim that. But I think I can confidently say it must be pretty rare if I have yet to encounter it.

I understand exactly where hiddenhome is coming from on this thread.

There are a lot of very sly/bad people who work for governmental agencies.

How is the person in the street supposed to tell the difference when their trust has been abused so often?

Spero - yes I think there are inadequate parents who are SN and whose children would not be SN if they were removed.

There is, and always has been, an underclass.

I totally agree that there are parents whose parenting you and I would not agree with. I am sure that the children of parents with SN probably have either FAS or some other form of SN.

And they would be better off with better off parents.

Does this not grate with you though on some level?

Hiddenhome , I can live with that :-)

hiddenhome, makes more sense to judge people on the documents they submit to court than what they post on an internet forum, perhaps?

Or maybe comment on the substance of what she is saying?

Spero you've never encountered malicious lying from one of these people?

I've come across several instances of blatant lies from professionals. People here have also detailed their experiences of lying social workers. It happens all too often. Have you ever been on the receiving end?

Oh, and people don't tell lies in court documentation? Wow, where have you been all your life?

It doesn't grate with me op because the test is NOT 'this child would be better off with middle class parents and a pony'. The legal test is 'this child is suffering or is likely to suffer significant harm if not removed'. Judges repeat time and time again that social engineering is not permissable, a strong and healthy society MUST tolerate very wide standards of parenting from the barely adequate to the stellar.

The question is - are you a good enough parent?

So I am confident that the standard is very high before a care order can be made and that is right and proper. I wouldn't want to live in a country where it was any different.

Spero , i agree with your whole statement, just because someone has the label of S/Worker does not make them any less likely to have flaws, or make bad decisions. There are incompetent people in all professions.

Spero - get back on track please!

I have never encountered malicious lying from a SW. It would be very difficult for them to maintain and sustain a lie that I couldn't discover from my very careful investigation of ALL the paperwork I receive. A contested care case takes a minimum of six hours to prepare, probably double that if I prepare a detailed chronology.

I have never met a SW who maliciously lied. However, I have met many many parents who could not face up to what they had done and wanted it to be anyone else's fault but their own.

Oh, brother I'm off to bed before I read any more naive garbage

not aware that I had veered off track.
Grateful for indication as to what track I should currently be on?

Would they admit to lying though?

Spero - you suddenly went a bit nuts? OK

hiddenhome, as you rely solely on your own judgment and you are rarely wrong, there is probably little for you to gain in considering anyone elses views.