Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

I live in Birmingham..

felicity a posh accent, stops a SW investigation into your parenting skills?

I bloody KNEW it.

sorry, inappropriate levity aside... I am very thankful I have never known the pain of my child being removed or being accused of hurting her when I never would.

But I am glad I live in a society where harm to children is taken seriously and the State tries to protect them. It may at times be lumbering and it may at times get it wrong, quite badly so BUT the alternative is worse. It will be going back to the days when children were the mere possessions of their parents. I don't doubt the importance of the blood tie. But it does not trump everything else.

Huntycat your story about your friend, makes my blood run cold and .

Going all I know is it made a big difference in the one situation I was involved with, as did the mother having been at the same school as the judge's daughter.

NOT all SW's are bad, or liars, but that won't matter to you if you end up with the one that IS.

Inherently, I DO believe that 98% of the time, SW's make the correct decision as to whether to remove a child or to leave them at home and close the case. And if I had serious concerns that a child was being abused, I wouldn't hesitate to call them, having BEEN the child in that situation, I know that it IS necessary to have SS involvement in some cases.

Where I find the problem lies is when you have a serious issue with your SW, and when you put in a complaint, you are told that you are 'being obstructive' and it is noted on your CP file that you are 'being obstructive', AND you are told that it will count against you if you do not withdraw your complaint. And that when you request a different SW, you are refused. Even if you haven't had any other SW. I could understand it in a case where someone requested a different SW after every visit or something - but if you ask once, it should be granted. It's no different to a counsellor - if you want to WORK WITH the parent/s, you need to 'gel' with them to get them to engage. THAT is where the process breaks down, and some parents become 'uncooperative' IMO.

But, IMO, if YOU are the parent that has your dc taken away unecessarily, the fact that it is a very rare occurance isn't going to matter one iota to YOU.

Oh, two very powerful, top of their prfession, Oxford educated Barristers in my family... maybe I should have asked them for help...

I have a degree in English Literature. But a London accent.

I think that is where I have gone wrong [would love to help emoticon]

GoingFor: Why didn't you ask for legal help?

I was too damn ashamed, in truth, it did cross my mind. It was over very quickly. Thankfully.

The one and only time I have had contact with a social worker was when I was interviewed by one when my mom was hoping to be a foster carer. We went through the general chit chat and I had been running through my career and I mentioned I had moved from finance to construction programme management and she said " I can't believe you were so arrogant to change careers" !! Now it can be taken a few ways a) she really thought that or b) she had no idea of the word that she meant so she should buy a thesaurus.

If either I really worry. She also asked me what would happen if my dad (divorced from mom for 13 years) was to turn up on my doorstep drunk, I said that has never happened, was never an issue, I have seen him tipsy a handful of times (was not a reason for the divorce, he is not a raging alkie) I said I would deal with the situation as I saw fit at the time. She said "so you might leave your child at risk?" My child is 15 and twice the size of the suddenly rampaging grandad. I hope that there are better ones out there.

How arrogant of her - Edge . A strange conversation indeed. Worrying. Did your DM become a Foster Carer?

No, she decided to carry on working. This was through a private company btw not a council but she was still a registered social worker (she moved because the money was better apparantly) Mom decided to stop the process which I hope wasn't because of the sw but I think it was

I have a meeting tomorrow with SS. This is my second complaint....doesn't llok good hey...the 3rd SW to take my family on must have got the short straw

1st SW (who was ds sw for direct payments only) disclosed my health problems to ex (broke confidentiality). After ex reported me 3 times SS did do plan to protect me from ex!

2nd SW was fab for school issues but when ex started to attack my home SW had not a clue.
It was when ds started to disclose abuse by ex (years later could not speak when abused) Police were going to go ahead with abuse charge and SW said 5 mins before procedure started I was just an angry ex who wasn't getting maintenance. So police stopped the whole thing straight away!

I'm on number 3 now!

It is down to life experiences mostly if SW doesnt understand ie psychopaths/DV and only trained in disability well what do you expect! Doesn't matter what age...if SW in 60's flower power mode and not in reality well heyho forget it!

a friend was a SW. SW's are just normal people some let the 'power' go to their head or possibly one now and again a psychopath who want to disrupt...some are lovely very deadicated calm and not phased....some lazy/or mainly burnt out....some are well not a clue really! But what they do/say has a lot of power in courts/police decisions.

So what I am saying ten years later is yes be aware!

They should not be called 'Social' Workers anymore...as nothing social about them stuck behind foot high of paperwork and not having time to see clients most of the time.

I am not scared of social workers judging me as my child is clean, well cared for and loved as is my home. what worries me most is the standard of people who are becoming social workers. A few years ago at college there were a few people going on to uni to become social workers and i have wondered ever since what sort of social workers they would be now. one lady in particular was in her 40s with 8 children all of them had been in trouble with the police for quite serious offences - if you cant raise your own children to know right from wrong how can you judge?? more recently my dd SM has just qualified as a sw both her children have severe pyschological problems and she herself struggles to cope so how can she possibly be a good advocate for the poor children and parents that need help.
Sorry this is long......

This thread is just a collection of individual experiences, mine included For us to really make any sound judgement on social work in the UK we'd need figures on many issues and compare with other countries maybe?

Just to say some posters have complained that SS not interested in very well off families. They are, but there are differences. Although sexual and physical abuse still happens in very well off families, real neglect is rarer, for two reasons.

First of all if parents are inadequate they tend to use nannies/boarding schools. So even though parents are not parenting properly, the child will still be looked after fine. Someone upthread mentioned John Lennon and how he was a drug addict and inadequate parent. But his son was looked after by a nanny. You only have to go on nanny forums to come across nannies complaining about totally inadequate and neglectful parents. But a caring nanny is often a better scenario than care.

Secondly, some of the parents who neglect very badly are drug addicts and/or alcoholics. If just 1 parent is the family it can be held together and the family cope. But if both are or parent is single parent it doesn't usually take long until the family is poor, even if they started off as well off. There have been tales in the press of even very wealthy people eating their way totally through their fortune with drug taking in the space of a few years. So they soon end up poor.

"Where I find the problem lies is when you have a serious issue with your SW, and when you put in a complaint, you are told that you are 'being obstructive' and it is noted on your CP file that you are 'being obstructive', AND you are told that it will count against you if you do not withdraw your complaint."

Yes, that's exactly my experience. SW made manifestly obviously clear to me that if I persued my complaint any further, they would escalate their investigation...

HuntyCat You explained yourself very eloquently and rationally. I hear what you are saying and agree one hundred percent. To hear the system is overall good when it's you that has encountered bad must be extremely painful and difficult. As someone entering the profession, it makes me sad to hear that people with power can do this and I agree better procedures need to be put in place. You have been the one of the most balanced people on this thread when, by all rights, everyone would understand if you weren't.

I just wanted to add (before I run off to university) that for those who were bullied into withdrawing your complaint, did you ever take it higher? SWers must be registered with the General Social Care Council and one of the codes of practice says it is our duty to let service users know how to complain and that they have a right to do so. If your SWer did not follow these codes, they should be up before the GSCC panel immediately. Just curious really!

Just to say that I agree that people are accepted on SW training that I don't think would have been in the past. At one time people's ability to cope with stress, their personality and attitudes seemed to count for much more by training providers. I would hope though that some of the trainees I have come across wouldn't actually get a job.

However I fear that in some areas with high vacancy rates they might.

So I don't think all social workers are wonderfully competent people. But I do think most are. I also know that most are so used to seeing terrible home situations that an ordinary messy, slightly dysfunctional family just wouldn't be an issue.

One "run in" with them.

DSS has temper tantrum and is sent to utility room for 10 minutes to contemplate life, his behaviour and the state of the world economy, or stamp his feet a bit more. Whatever he prefers. The goal is he'll come back a bit more rational about the totally unreasonable request to bring his dirty washing to the basket. Anyhow, he decides utility room is not for him and scarpers out the back door. On his return he has to spend a little more time mulling over his behaviour and existential art in the aforementioned futility room. This time he's without socks and a T shirt to prevent him impersonating Steve McQueen in the Great Escape.
This story gets recounted at school as "Mother leaves child naked in utility room and is horribly cruel".

3 Weeks later (3 weeks is a long time if this was serious) social worker appears to check on his welfare. She comes in sees poor neglected children returning from clarinet lessons, and packing for holiday in Turkey the next day. She sees well fed, obviously cared for kids in a safe environment. Eldest one however was not there and she demands to go to see him at school. She then starts asking irrelevant and personal questions. Social worker was clearly pointed towards the door after being told she was out of order.
A letter appears the next week saying they'll be taking it no further (surprise surprise).
I hated the whole experience was made to feel like a bloody criminal. Far from supportive it was if she was looking and desperate for there to be something wrong. Since then I've been deeply suspicious of them, and yet previously I'd assumed they'd be there to help. It felt like we were being judged by an arrogant nun with legal powers.

Now I view the social services with skeptisicm and distrust.

Both DH and I were privately educated and were bullied and beaten until we acquired posh accents.
Our SW still bothered us, and it didn't stop her talking to us like we were teenagers who had spent our lives living under a rock either.

Crashdoll, we copied our complaint in to our MP. That got things sorted Originally we just had the SW telling us our letter was all lies (even the bits based on her reports apparently), but magically, shortly after we heard the MP's office was investigating, our case was closed.
The SW herself wasn't willing to tell us what higher authority we could speak to, there was a lot of trying to pull the wool over our eyes in terms of where her authority lay.

I know several trainee social workers. Afaik they are all going into it with good intentions but a large minority are clearly unsuited to the work. They all have 1st degrees but often bare passess in 'Micky mouse' subjects from 'new' unis. There is a general lack of general knowledge.

Most don't have any personal experience of parenting and don't seem to have much clue what 'normal' parenting is. There is also a lack of knowledge of child development, eg milestones, which isn't addressed in their training.

There was no interview as part of the selection process- if there had been then several wouldn't have got through. As it is once you are on a sw course you are almost guaranteed a cp job at the end, as there are such shortages.

They have just as discriminatory attitudes to single parents, disabled people, people with mental health problems etc as the general population/dm reader.

It really doesn't instilled much confidence in the system.