To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

oh Jimjams the staring
I can't take dd out with out people staring, children just standing and staring(whilst mummy/daddy ignores ) adults as well seem to think it is ok to stare and say what a shame.
makes my blood boil

Ah I see that now..sorry, I just escaped from my box for a minute people do make that accusation against SN parents you see

I would hazard a guess that most parents of 'NT only' kids have no idea they have 'NT only' kids. So it's interesting that Saintly thought the targets of the post would know what she was talking about.

It's not a term I have ever come across before. My sheltered world I think.

It's very commonly used on here SunRay.

It's not something I would use without an explanation in the wider world, but it's used commonly across mumsnet.

sevenfold I think the staring is slightly better than copying ds1's noises and then laughing at the oh so clever mimicry. Had that on a train once last year and the mother didn't correct her children.

kids were about ten or eleven - so definitely old enough to know not to copy a child with disabilities.

My next door neighbours child mimicked my son in their car a few weeks ago. My son was not with me at the time. Her Mother laughed. It has affected me deeply. I haven't taken my son out if i think they are there. Her Mother is thick as pig shit anyway.

God there are some arseholes out there...

People say it is OK that kids stare as they are curios etc but i think looking is ok but staring is rude especially when they're parents are aware of their child doing this and do not correct. I don't get how parents feel there isn't anythung wrong with it.

saintly

In that kind of situation how do you keep your cool and not say anything to the mother concerned??....you must really be saintly as i don't think i could help myself..

I can't imagine someone letting their children behave in such a way...

Saintly ok I am corrected - I see it is in the acronyms page as well. I must learn to look in there first.

their anything

There needs to be some kind of tolerance/aceptance/eqaulity/do notfucking stare or mimick it shows you are a moron lesson of some kind in infant schools.

Kids mimic my DD all the time, fortunately so far their mums are embarrassed and tell them to stop it

Staring is not ok. It just isn't. It's rude, and makes the other person feel uncomfortable. I was in a restaurant once and a family came in. They were all - ok so I dont know the right term - but well under four foot tall. The place went quiet. To their credit, they pretended not to notice.

DS was gawping, 'mummy, mummy that man!'. So I tried to hush him until he yelled 'that man THAT MAN! He has a mickey mouse jumper!'. He turned around and just grinned. I suspect he was waiting for some other comment.

I can spell, rather well, sticky keyboard, preventing.

I usually don't say anything ruby because when I'm out with ds1 he takes up my whole attention. So even if I wanted to have a conversation with someone I can't very easily. I have very occasionally told older (10 + ) children not to stare. But they have to REALLY stare for me to say that!

And also now we're surrounded by a good bunch of people and ds1 is very well liked by the people who work with him, so it gives confidence to ignore the arseholes. It was far more upsetting in the early days when we were more isolated.

There's just a way that some older NT kids stare and grin at my DS that means they are making fun of him, which is completely different to the way younger kids just observe and then make similar gestures in a mirrorring way IYSWIM. One makes my blood boil, the other is fine.

But the thing is ruby if you do say something then you risk being called professionally offended .

(also I am not saintly like saintly. I can't correct older kids because I want to hurt them like they would be hurting my darling DS, if he could but understand what they were doing, instead of smiling along with them thinking they want to be his friends).

Aye, walk a mile in the Professionally Offended shoes before you judge them. Because their shoes hurt. A lot. (that's not directed at you ruby)

Oh my nephew mimicks her too..and SIL says nothing

saintly and wilson

I am at a loss for words and am full of admiration for the way you choose to deal with such awfulness being directed at your dc...it's actually made me cry

Thank you but honestly, if I didn't ignore I would end up doing time so please don't admire me [over-fiesty emoticon]

I'm often out and about with another adult, or somewhere where ds1 is very well known (so again there are other adult friendly faces). It makes dealing with any idiots we encounter a lot easier.

So for example on the train I was with ds1, my helper was in a different seat but with ds2 and ds3, so that meant I knew that 2 mins after getting off I could say 'DID you SEE those bloody KIDS copying ds1 and LAUGHING at him' and know I'll get a sympathetic ear (iirc I was with the helper who ends up wanting to deck everyone who was rude to ds1 so she was probably suitably outraged ) It helps!

No, SunRay was continuing on from her previous post, where she said people were being moronic for being huffy. :)

Oops. Sorry, my bad: thought it was odd that no-one had posted in all that time: laptop/internets playing up or something... puts head in bag and wanders off

I take a man out with cerebral palsy. I have found that some people giggle and stare at him and they are usually ones that are old enough to know better. A death glare from me, usually means that they have the grace to blush.

Saying that, we went to Maccie D's and 3 young boys which I would have term as "hoodies" or " chavs" (stereotyping sorry,but best way to describe), were quite boisterous and noisy. However one of the young boys, held the door open for him and me, and his mate moved the rug so he wouldn't trip. I thanked them and they were very polite. Made me eat a bit of humble pie too, where I learned to get my judgy pants off . And these boys are a credit to their parents, and themselves. God I sound so old :o