Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

575 replies

mummy2stan · 31/01/2012 10:27

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

OP posts:
BeerTricksP0tter · 01/02/2012 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/02/2012 11:36

yawn, here we go again

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/02/2012 11:37

but I mustnt react to it or get called all sorts of unreasonable .. mhmmhmmhmhmmhmsgg

Sevenfold · 01/02/2012 11:39

ffs have you noticed the brand new one time poster who started this thread has not been back, or posted else where. tells you something imo.
if people just accepted that a term was offensive that would be the end of it. but countless people come on to say they don't find it wrong. yet the very people who look after the people the offensive term is used against are told to suck it up.

as for the sn topic being a warm and fuzzy place pmsl.
guess what parents of children with sn are normal they get angry.
they get pissed of with ignorance and bigotry and get defensive.

hazeyjane · 01/02/2012 11:46

Sevenfold, was it my post that caused the 'warm and fuzzy' remark, because that is not what I was saying, personally, I have received nothing but support on the SN boards, but what I was saying was that it is not surprising that threads like thes infuriate and anger people.

Sunrays, a thread isn't a discourse between 2 people, lots of people found the wording and tone of the op offensive/ignorant, some didn't, that's the way threads work.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/02/2012 11:51

hazey, no it was directed at NCIS I'm sure, who just suddenly appeared on thread to berate me, along with a few others who just jumped out of woodwork for some reason

saintlyjimjams · 01/02/2012 11:54

God Kladkkaka Sad

I have complained before when I saw a cashier being incredibly rude to a young man with learning disabilities in Virgin (so a number of years ago now!). Virgin's response was pretty inadequate. They told me the girl in question had lots of friends with learning disabilties and was really nice to people with disabilities and I must have been mistaken. To say I did this Hmm doesn't go far enough really. She even apologised to me for having to stand behind someone with LD's FFS.

Wilson - it really has changed his life! Grin - good luck with the swimming!

Sevenfold · 01/02/2012 11:55

not you Hazey. just the people who seem to think parents and carers of people with sn are somehow imune to anger or hurt.
that we want or choose to spend our time educating and explaining over and over again.

hazeyjane · 01/02/2012 12:02

Phew, sorry, I am oversensitive at the moment!

What I hate is the assumption that people enjoy being offended or upset by remarks, that there is a group of 'professionally offended' (christ, I hate that term), rubbing their hands with glee when someone posts something thoughtless/ignorant/insensitive/offensive

wahwahwah · 01/02/2012 12:05

Hope it wasn't me.... I don't usually have a go at anyone... I am such a mousie.. I am even feeling sorry for Fred Goodwin this morning.

perfumedlife · 01/02/2012 12:05

OP you really gave your game away with this why should we accept it because she is disabled?

First, who the hell is we ? You mean I. So say I.
Second, this is nothing to do with the girl/young woman but her carer's lack of reaction and your underwhelming response to your child. It has nothing to do with the woman's disability so why say 'because she is disabled'? If you acknowledge she has a mental age of 5, then its' similar to saying 'why should I accept it because she is a child?'

Carer was a bit lax for your liking. Well, so were plenty mothers when I went to soft play. Why should we accept it because they are mothers?

Can you see? I loathe cheap perfume or really overpowering smells. Why should I accept it because others wear it? Because I don't live in a vacuum, that's why. I live on this beautiful planet with all it's magnificence and diversity.

Kladdaka I could just cry at what you have experienced. I wish we all showed more love to each other.

perfumedlife · 01/02/2012 12:06

So sorry, KladKakka Blush

SunRaysthruClouds · 01/02/2012 12:09

I have a brother who has two severely disabled children. So I have a degree of knowledge - not a lot I accept - but had no idea that the term 'mentally handicapped' was deemed offensive.

In my mind offense can only be taken if given, and looking at the OP, there was clearly, in my mind, no intention to give offense.

So although people are directly affected by remarks I think there has to be some realisation that not everyone sees, or understands, things from the same viewpoint.

WilsonFrickett · 01/02/2012 12:21

What I hate is the assumption that people enjoy being offended or upset by remarks, that there is a group of 'professionally offended' (christ, I hate that term), rubbing their hands with glee when someone posts something thoughtless/ignorant/insensitive/offensive

Exactly Hazey.

wahwahwah · 01/02/2012 12:27

Some people do like a barney... And as someone pointed out, the OP has posted one thread and disappeared, so we can't be sure if it was a genuine query or if she has been scared off. I have had someone have a really nasty go at me (some lovely poster did report her on my behalf and had a go at her for being so unpleasant) so I didnt log in for a while.

Terms do change though and people who don't come into contact/use them just need updating.

saintlyjimjams · 01/02/2012 12:27

Ha ha yes - there are enough people who are offensive to ds1's face without having to go out searching for it Grin

As others have pointed out the term mentally handicapped is neither here nor there really. In RL if said with a point and a tut or that 'I've stepped in something' look it would offend, if said pleasantly it would jar a little but but not offend.

This though - as again someone has said "Why should we accept it because she's disabled?" is pretty offensive. Although of course the OP may not have meant it to be. There's no 'we' (mistake the cashier made when she thought I would join her in being vile to her customer with LD's) - and accept what? You don't have to accept anything, just interact to sort out problems as you would with anyone else.

saintlyjimjams · 01/02/2012 12:29

And meanwhile if 'professionally offended' Hmm parents of NT only kids are reading - please teach your children not to stare. I'm talking older kids here - teenagers are the worst. Little kids don't stare, they look and ask questions (which is different).

wahwahwah · 01/02/2012 12:32

What's NT?

saintlyjimjams · 01/02/2012 12:32

neurotypical

wahwahwah · 01/02/2012 12:34

Sorry - I don't know what that is either...

Kladdkaka · 01/02/2012 12:37

It's the term used to describe 'normal' people which doesn't by default result in someone else being 'abnormal'. Being referred to as abnormal is not nice. Being referred to atypical is fine.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/02/2012 12:39

Just because you get annoyed often or are angry doesn't mean you 'like a barney'. That's another trite saying up there with 'professionally offended' imo, meaning if you dont put up with any old shit you are just an aggressive and huffy person who needs to get back in their box

duckdodgers · 01/02/2012 12:42

i seriously didnt think people in general are that ignorant, to point and comment

As a Psychiatric Nurse I know from patients experiences the prejudices they have faced and sadly yes including abuse from people in the street. I will never ever understand why some people feel they have to do this, very similar to the type of person who called me a name once for being overweight, a complete stranger. I was distraught, and thankfully it only happened the once, so it must be awful as a parent to think this is what you potentially face taking a child with sn out of their house.

GoingForGoalWeight · 01/02/2012 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

wahwahwah · 01/02/2012 12:46

Oh no - I ment the people who light the touch paper and stand back. The ones who don't care either way but just seem to enjoy upsetting and annoying people who are genuinely passionate about something. That's the ones I get irritated with.