To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

And ffs, it was not assault. Get a grip.

NCIS..whatever

I would be the first to admit that, to my shame, I am very ignorant of how to interact with people of SN. This is not borne of malice or intolerance, but the opposite; I don't want to offend anyone so take the coward's way out, and generally just give a vague smile and look away - which is strange as my Dad is severely physically disabled and looks very unusual, and I know he prefers it when people talk to him and ask re his condition.

NCIS, I think Fanjo sounds like a person who's exasperated by some idiotic and ignorant people and their comments.

Same as me really.

Sorry with SN, not of... Damn phone.

NCIS, well, I find passive aggressiveness pretty unpleasant too TBH.

How childish! It may be my loss but it is you that have caused it. I thought that we were supposed to be mutually supportive and at the very least kind.
After all ,we have enough real problems to face on a day to day basis, without exacerpating them by being rude and unpleasant to other people.
It denies them access to help simply because they aren't as tough as you.

Assault...police?!

Have you read the op? Are you a capable adult? You couldn't just engage in some redirection or if not able or prepared to you could just move your child or ask the career to intervene. It's called parenting fgs.

My childhood best friend had some visible disabilities and we used to have some robust responses ready for the real arseholes. It hasn't really changed though, and now I see my friend's child increasingly sidelined for his sn. I think nothing reveals truths about us more than the way we engage with those different or more vulnerable than us.

NCIS...seriously, whatever..have your beef with me if you like :) oh and maybe have a wee look and see all the support I have given to other parents of kids with SN over the years

Queen

When I first started working with people with sn I felt a bit like you. I remember when I first saw the other staff having a conversation with one particular guy who has a quite severe speech impairment, I has no idea how they could understand a word he was saying and though I'll die with embarrassment because I couldn't pick up much of what he was saying. The most important thing I learned was it's ok to say you dont understand, you do tune into him but he'd rather you dud that than nodded and smiled but he knew you hadn't understood a word.

Excuse spelling, on iPhone :(

Bloody hell, what a minefield of a thread.............

OP: I think that you should have removed your DS before the 5th time of him being pinched. The problem here is not just a problem of SN/not SN, it's the problem of size. Yes, also speak to the woman's carer and make her aware that your DS and other kiddies of his age may well be intimidated by someone literally getting in their face.

To be honest, equating the exchanges on here with real life is nonsense.

I really hope that people who have no experience of living with sn would continue to try and respond to my son, as best they can, as an average kid.

What gets written on here is not softened by non verbal communication, circumstance and the subtlety of a situation unfolding.

I get massively arsy with people using 'retard' on here once I know they get that the word has connotations. But I have had a lovely conversation with a very elderly lady who asked if ds2 was retarded.
She had seen ne struggling with him in full exorcist meltdown and while others huffed and stared she came over and picked up his shoes and tried to help.

Mumsnet is not real life. Taking the exasperated postings of a bunch of mums who have rude things shouted at their much loved children as a reason to say 'well then I am never speaking to a parent with a child with sn' is a bit...well I don't want to be rude tbh.

Our children are just like yours. We adore them. We just want their lives to be a shit free as possible and we just wish other people could see our dc as just as loved and precious and sweet as theirs. Not a different breed to edge past keeping an eye all times on the exit.
That's all I wanted to say.

oh Pag, be rude please, save me from doing it, for a change

that was a joke btw. Anyway off out to shout at people in the street who I take offence to for looking the wrong way.Err i mean go for a coffee and do some shopping.

I have never denied that you have given good support nor do I really expect you to take on board my point.
The fact is that ,sometimes, yours(and others) comments will exclude people who could really do with your support.
You change attitudes more sucessfully with gentleness and kindness than with abuse and vitriol

well, thanks for giving me a handy lesson in how to communicate, NCIS. How thoughtful of you :)

oh i will just point out that the abuse and vitriol was two way..since you seem to have missed that

I am not so rude these days. I lack the energy. It's an old lady thing.

I don't think I am unnecessarily rude either..but seems I must take all manner of crap on here without once getting annoyed for some reason, or people are just queuing up to give me a good roasting..gets wearing.

Example..someone will come on and bait me and argue with me until I get annoyed and post exasperatedly..then I will be berated by them and other randoms who happen along for being "rude" and "aggressive". Wonder why I bother sometimes.

It was two way which was why I put 'and others'. Two wrongs have never made a right though.

ah that's better

NCIS..i feel like I am at school here being told off by the teacher, tbh

In Fiji you will see amenities are clearly marked "Handicapped". It is perfectly acceptable there. Now the UK is not Fiji but it is awash with a range of people from a range of other countries so maybe try to be a bit more understanding instead of raining abuse on a poster. There are methods to educate other than that of the battering ram. And frankly, the knee jerk reaction of slamming the op is far more ignorant than an honest mistake.