To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

[mummy2stan]

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

NCIS, this thread and others like it are not the place to get a flavour of what the SN boards on Mumsnet are like. I have received a huge amount of support and advice from the SN boards and people like Fanjo.

It is understandable that threads like these make people angry and frustrated, and surely it is important to try and understand how people with special needs and their families feel. As Nailak says, it can be difficult to approach someone in the park or at a playgroup and just bring the subject up (although, Nailak you sound as though you ask in a polite and friendly way, which is all you can do really).

Ds is only 19 months old, and the day we realised that he had SN it was like going through a door into a world that previously we may have known existed and may have been involved in in an abstract way (my mum used to teach children and adults with learning disabilities), but really we didn't have a clue (and still don't in many ways). I really had no idea of how every second of every day would be affected, how my other children would be affected. How going to toddler groups, the park, the doctors everything would be different, how my relationships with dear friends would be affected. Family and friends say things that hurt, they don't mean to, they are usually trying to find ways to say something kind or helpful or comforting, I am not offended, I don't bite their heads off, i don't usually say anything, but inside I feel another little twist of regret and pain. I know that a lot of people disagree with the idea of educating people with threads like these, but I do think that everytime someone talks honestly about their experiences with their children and families and how life is for them, whether it is with anger, frustration, humour or sadness, it does show people a glimpse of the life that is the other side of the door, that door is there for everyone, and anyone at any time can go through it.

I crossposted about 100 people, but my waffly post was also trying to say what Pagwatch said, but she said it a lot better!

Nah, you said it well Hazey

But I think people are only reading the ffs! postings now. It is aibu after all.
I think saintly has been bang on through most of the thread.

i must point out that I didn't slam the OP once, since I have been blamed for all the ills of this thread, and the world in general

and was complimented on reasonable posting earlier..hard to believe I know..then someone winds me up and suddenly...Satan has nothing on me

I think saintly's name is very apt, one must have patience of a saint to post in reasonable manner throughout a whole thread :)

Especially when you attract the haters

I've had ten years of being out about about with ds1 :teflon:

I've only been upset by a member of the public once really in the last few years when they (a couple) SCREAMED at ds1, who really wasn't doing anything. Although they were very apologetic afterwards.

I have to frequently calm down one of my helpers though as she gets so angry by people's reactions to ds1 - again when he's doing nothing - for example she was shadowing him and he was standing in an empty doorway of a bathroom shop jumping up and down pointing at the shutters (he loves shutters) and shop worker got really shitty with him. He really wasn't doing anyone any harm, there were no customers, he wasn't disturbing anyone, he was just looking at some shutters. My helper was shaking with anger! In contrast the surfers get him to open and shut their shutters. That's how to be nice! They've also stood up for him when the public have had a go. :need a heart smiley:

we are actually pretty lucky when out with DD SO FAR as she is still cute and looks like a giant toddler due to her delays..so people who think I go round shouting at the general public are far from the mark..am aware this will change, from witnessing people's attitudes to those with learning difficulties on buses etc, though

Why did I say ten years, ds1 is nearly 13! (although tbh he's had the dx ten years so maybe that's why).

I've had a lot more trouble with the public since he reached secondary age. I think people just don't like 11 year old boys, let alone disabled ones.

But there are lovely people out there. The surfers, lifeguards and cafe workers at the beach are absolutely fabulous with him. They let him sit in their cars, open their sun roofs for him (he loves that), drive him up and down the beach in their 4WD's, give him food when he tries to steal it off them , show him around the lifeguards hut when he runs in there, laugh at him when he runs in the kitchen (ds1 is quite feral and does try to go everywhere - that's the main issue with him really). Really lovely, lovely people. I've heard a chorus of 'hi ds1 how are you mate' coming from the lifeguard's hut before, stuck my head round the door and didn't know any of them!

DS1 is a great filter. :)

thank you for replies, i think i am getting it, i seriously didnt think people in general are that ignorant, to point and comment.

The last time I did a weekly shop was about 6 years ago. I'd unloaded all my shopping onto the belt and the checkout girl was putting it through. A woman in the queue behind me nudged another woman, pointed at me and said 'If I were like that I'd kill myself'. The woman she nudged laughed and a third woman and the checkout girl sniggered at it. I left my shopping where it was and went home. I haven't been shopping since. My husband does it.

Currently debating whether to book a holiday in a cottage that looks really nice BUT has the owners living next door..either they will think DD is sweet and lovely or be terrified she is trashing their house...

both which are probably true!

Kladdkaka, how awful, if I was like HER i think I should kill myself, indeed

Dear god Kladdkaka, poor you. I don't know what I'd do. I would like to think I'd call them on it and make a scene, but in reality I would probably just pay up and slink off. Good for you dumping the shop but I would have spoken to the manager. LOUDLY.

they will probably look out of the window and see DD literally eating the fence

I shut down in difficult situations. I can speak and communicate fine when everything is fine. When it isn't, I disappear to a safe haven somewhere inside my head.

Wow saintly surfing really has transformed things for your DS hasn't it . We have a swimming lesson trial today so fingers crossed.

What a fucking ridiculous way this thread has turned out.

I read the first 6 pages and the last 2 and everyone is slating everyone else about how offensive / offended they all are as far as I can see. If the OP managed to get past the slanging she might have learned that some terminology she used is inappropriate, as have I.

I commend everyone who has given the OP support. the rest of you are morons.

... or is 'moron' a non PC word because someone was called it at school once and have had a hang up ever since?

Kladdkaka

I could not ignore your post and just wanted to second what BeerTricks said..

The checkout girl would have been out on her fucking arse if I'd heard it

If only some people just stopped, shut the fuck up and thought about the impact of their words and actions on other the world would be a much better place.

... and yes I am a moron too for reacting like this, I know!

I'm a moron?

Sun - that the way it is around here right now. Instead of pointing out that someone had used the wrong term for something and accepting that they feel a certain waysmall giving advice of support, some folk just launch in with insults and no practical advice.

Ok so I know we all have bad days and snap, but come on...