To be cross with childminder for not noticing my DS was ill?

[slackandbaggy]

DS is 13 months, only his second session with childminder.

When I dropped him off I explained that he had been to out of hours GP the night before with a persistent very high temp and generally unwell. But, as children do, he seemed bright and lively in the morning, so thought he'd be fine to go. I explained I had given some Calpol but asked her to just keep an eye on his temp and please give some more if he needed it.

When I went to collect him I walked in and initially thought 'shit, he looks rough'... asked the childminder "his temp been ok?" and she said "yeh"... I picked him up and he was BOILING. Took him home and temp over 39. He was rough and poorly.

AIBU to be annoyed that i specifically asked her to watch his temp and she didn't? or am i paranoid first time mum??

Should i say something to her?

She is v experienced and good reputation and i liked her on first meeting etc. Dont want to piss off my childcare but am now worried about leaving DS more than before.....

Poor thing. She sounds crap.

Did you ask her if she had tried to cool him down?

Your not wrong it is part of his care needs, which she should meet.

Yanbu to expect her to be aware of his temp, particularly since you'd said at drop off about the Emdoc visit.

However..... I don't understand why you sent him, having had that happen the night before and having given him calpol and generally being concerned about his health.

To be honest if my child had been unwell during the night to the extent that I needed to phone a Dr then I would not have taken them to childminder.
Not very fair on child, childminder or other mindees.

She didnt even seem to have noticed he was hot, so she won't have tried to cool him.

Why did you send him ? He had a very high temp the night before and was unwell ? The childminder should have refused to look after him.

I understand your reasoning for sending him, but I do think if he was that ill the night before he probably should have been at home.
Children often have a lower temp. in the morning which rises as the day goes on.

That being said I would be very concerned that she hadn't noticed how poorly he was.

How is he today?

I sent him because his temp responded to calpol, he had slept well, had a little snack and was running about.

I dont need to made to feel bad about that decision as I already hate myself for it, thank you.

I have posted here before about my 1st childminder. Good reputation loads of kids in her care because her husband was registered too. she was smacking my son

You childminder was flippant about your DS's care. you need to discuss it with and see her reaction. If she feels like it doesn't matter find a new childminder and use someone else a friend/family member until you do. If she's apologetic and if he'd seemed alright earlier just express how you wish that she checked him more often. It could genuinely have been a mistake.

I also have to say I personnally wouldn't have left DS the day after. I would have made sure he was 100% before retuning to work.

TBH if I was the childminder, I'd have been a bit pissed off that you had dropped a poorly child off, especially if she had other mindees. That said, if he was in her care, she should have been aware of his temperature.

If you're relationship with her is new and you still trust her, probably best thing would be to sit down and have an honest chat about how you feel and your concerns and check what the procedures if a child isnt well (there are bound to be some, there seem to be procedures about everything else!)

Hope he's feeling better today.

Yes but you shoud have allowed some times before sending him back, its not fair on the childminder and other mindees. You tried your chance and now you are trying to turn it against the childminder when you have actually made a bad judgement. I guess there is a lesson learned there. I hope your son is feeling better.

Yabu. You brought a sick child to the childminder, this meant that you wanted him to stay with her so you could go to work (I assume). High temperature hardly ever disappear over night and rarely last just a few hours. If you had wanted to stay home and care for your sick child, you would have done that.
Dont be angry with her, be upset with your self.

I would say you are the opposite of paranoid, in that you showed so little regard to your childs health and well-being, and the child minder for having to mind a sick child, and other mindees.

I had explained his temp to her and she was more than happy to have him. She made me feel fine about leaving him.
Obviously I know that was wrong now.

Most small children will seem bright and alert in the morning, on calpol, and will be running around.

They usually tend to do the same when you take them to the doctors, they usually perk up the moment you bring them.

Hindsight is a great thing, he could have been bounding about as right as rain when you picked him up.

But if you have a genuine concern about how she cared for him, you need to address that as soon as poss.

YABU
For the same reasons as Quint said.

And, for the record, she only looks after my son on a Monday, so no other mindees.

Regardless of whether you should have taken him or not.
She should have realised he had a temp of 39+. You also asked her to keep an eye. It baffles me how anyone could miss a child with a temp like this. They normally look ill don't they? Mine go half sleepy and flake out at this temp. I can't believe she missed this.
My confidence in a CM from this situation would be undermined.

DS is almost always ill overnight and fine during the day. He hasn't yet missed a day of school (in two years) despite having several colds because he is well enough to go during the day. Don't beat yourself up - I have dropped DS off with CM on various occasions saying "well he seems OK but call me if I'm wrong and he isn't" and CM was always fine with that and I was very rarely wrong (didn't ever take risks with D&V).

Mostly its just a cold which needs a bit of calpol and they are fine. A good CM should cope with that OK . If I'd had to take time of work every time DS had a cold I'd be out of a job very quickly.

I'd be looking around for somewhere else tbh

In this situation, my fab CM would call me and ask me to take DS home.

Kids do go up and down and often I will say to CM 'sheep's had a temp yesterday, fine today, but if he shows any sign of going down, call me and I'll be right here'. OP I think you're getting an undeserved grilling here.

ok slackandbaggy you know you shouldn't have sent him. thats by the by now.

What you need to figure out is what to do next that is all.

you was UR for leaving your son. You know that. The CM was UR because if she only had you DS in her care she sounds like a lazy feck to me. WTF was she doing if she didn't notice your DS looked unwell and had a high temp???

Your childminder should have noticed the high temp OP, YANBU. I had pick up my DD early from nursery yesterday afternoon as nursery told me she had a high temp. They didn't require me to actually take her home, just supply them with the calpol, but I picked her up anyway. From a nursries POV, they are fine about taking in mindees who have high temps as long as it responds to calpol.

I can understand why you send your DC in, if he seemed well in the morning. You have to make a snap decision in the morning, and if the child seems well and happy then why not go to work? If the child is indeed ill later on in the day, then obviously can take them home then. That's my policy. I only have a limited amount of holiday from work, so I need to keep them to use up for when they really are unwell.

I'm with sheep.

If she doesn't notice when you have warned her, what if he deteriorates during the day? Is she going to notice then It would make me wary. Part of the point of using a CM rather than nursery (In my case) was that it was a more homelike environment with an experienced mother caring for DS. If she can;t spot a very high temp it would worry me.

I agree, no need to criticise the OP for a decision which she believed was best in the circumstances. How many of us have taken our DC to school/childcare the day after an illness whilst crossing our fingers and praying that they'd be OK because we don't have an annual leave left and we've already had 3 weeks off work with sick DCs this year and it's only April?

OP - don't feel bad about the decision you made, no harm actually came to your DS (apart from the temperature obviously, and that would have happened wherever he was). These things happen and we learn from them. But you do need to address it with the CM. If, as I think you've said upthread, she only had 1 child in her care - i.e. your DS - and had been specifically asked to monitor his temparature, then God alone knows what she was doing with him and why she didn't notice. I'd be addressing this with her asap.

How is your DS now?

YANBU by the way!