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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with childminder for not noticing my DS was ill?

152 replies

slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 09:56

DS is 13 months, only his second session with childminder.

When I dropped him off I explained that he had been to out of hours GP the night before with a persistent very high temp and generally unwell. But, as children do, he seemed bright and lively in the morning, so thought he'd be fine to go. I explained I had given some Calpol but asked her to just keep an eye on his temp and please give some more if he needed it.

When I went to collect him I walked in and initially thought 'shit, he looks rough'... asked the childminder "his temp been ok?" and she said "yeh"... I picked him up and he was BOILING. Took him home and temp over 39. He was rough and poorly.

AIBU to be annoyed that i specifically asked her to watch his temp and she didn't? or am i paranoid first time mum??

Should i say something to her?

She is v experienced and good reputation and i liked her on first meeting etc. Dont want to piss off my childcare but am now worried about leaving DS more than before.....

OP posts:
sloathy · 31/01/2012 13:38

Scuzy while I see your point about phoning to check , in this situation, presumably if OP had phoned to check the CM would have told her that her DC was fine - given that that is what she said when the OP collected her DC - that he was fine.

The point is that she didn't notice the child's temperature had gone up. It shouldn't require a mum to phone to check before CM will touch the child's forehead - especically if CM was made fully aware that child has been off colour and was specifically asked to keep an eye. If CM didn't want to be responsible for a potentially poorly child (which would have been understandable) presumably she would not have agreed to take him.

DressingGownQueen · 31/01/2012 13:40

OP - I don't think that you are at fault for leaving him. These things happen and you left him with a childminder, not just dumped on a random person with no training.

YANBU to be annoyed though. My dd got ill on her very first day at her childminder and they had noticed, phoned me and given her calpol within an hour. If I were you I would be looking for other arrangements.

Gooshka · 31/01/2012 13:44

What a fab job Smile Now wait for the comments that you should have phoned little one whilst you were cutting the cord! You didn't need to call, you should be able to feel confident that your CM would call you if there was a problem. You don't have the type of job that lends itself to sodding off every 5 minutes to make calls. If you had done that, some MN'r on here would start a thread saying "AIBU to expect my midwife's 100% undivided attention when delivering my baby?" Wink

HairyButtMonkey · 31/01/2012 13:44

The OP has done nothing wrong!
Unless my DS is 'seriously' ill, I take him into nursery and let them know he's under the weather. As he is a constant bag of teething snot, if I stayed home every time he seemed poorly, I would never get to work. I would have "words" with the CM however, and see if I felt able to keep my child there depending on if I could still trust them.

Are all the mums slating the OP perhaps SAHM's who are taking the moral high ground? Or just being self-righteuos for the hell of it...Wink

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:45

oh sloathy believe me i would not be one bit happy with minder but i guess in my case there are alot of kids so i phone to kind of remind them in a way to check on him. they probably say" oh yeah he is fine" then once i hang up go check his temp or how he is.

anyways slack is by NO means a bad mum. it could have gone either way and working also makes it difficult. just have to talk to minder and ensure it doesnt happen again or look elsewhere.

and just cos your a midwife does not mean you should know better (if thats what the "here we go" comment meant) Wink

saintlyjimjams · 31/01/2012 13:47

How often should the childminder have been checking? 39 isn't a huge temperature, it's certainly not a dangerous one- just the body fighting an infection. I tend to notice my kids are glassy eyed and lying down before I notice a temperature.

Most schools won't administer calpol so you're going to get children hanging around with temperatures as they get older anyway.

I personally think CM's shouldn't accept children who have been ill with a temperature the night before (24 hour with no temp. 48 hours with no vomming) for this sort of reason. Young kids are up and down with temps all the time and it puts the CM in a vulnerable position.

Gooshka · 31/01/2012 13:48

I wondered that too, Hairy. And if they're not SAHM then what total pain-in-the-arse employees they'd make.

AmberLeaf · 31/01/2012 13:50

Ideally you shouldnt have sent him to the CM knowing he was unwell the previous day.

I dont think its fair to be angry at the CM, his temp may have only risen in the half hour before you arrived.

Your feelings are misplaced.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:50

scuzy - even i'd called, she had no idea he had temp so she would have reported he was fine and we would still be in the same situation

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 31/01/2012 13:54

Do you not accept the fact that he could have been fine when she checked on him half an hour before?

PosieParker · 31/01/2012 13:56

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PosieParker · 31/01/2012 13:57

And if I were the parents of her other mindees I would be entirely vexed. Given the fact he'd had calpol it may have warn off.

Gonzo33 · 31/01/2012 13:59

Read the first couple of pages, not read any more so sorry if I repeat anything anyone else has said.

Firstly OP we as parents even if we don't admit it make judgement calls for our children that may or may not be right. I don't believe that any parent can say that they have not made the wrong decision at some point or another, so do not beat yourself up over taking your child to the childminders. If the CM had been uncomfortable with the situation she would/could/should have said.

My dd had a temp of 39.4 the other day, she still continued to wreck the place! (She is just a tad under 2).

I think you should speak with your CM regarding this because you need the trust there. Maybe she had taken your childs temp 30 minutes earlier and it was fine. She might have a book where she records such things, mine used to. Don't just discount her though because it may be that she was just unsure of your childs natural behaviour at this early stage in minding them.

Mimishimi · 31/01/2012 13:59

If you had called and asked, she probably would have gone and checked his forehead. I daresay it slipped her mind because he had probably been running around all afternoon and the temp developed in the evening ( as they usually do). Our childcare has a "no care" policy if the child has had a temp above 39 in the past twelve hours. They are fairly strict about it - to the point that they quickly check each kid when we come in the mornings. It's not about being a 'perfect parent', it's about not making other children sick. That said, can understand that it would be difficult if you didn't have family to help.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 14:04

It had been below 39 for well over 12 hours when I left him.
And, yes, of course I accept it might have just shot up before I collected him

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 31/01/2012 14:06

And, yes, of course I accept it might have just shot up before I collected him

There is your answer then.

YABU to be cross with the CM.

No need to beat yourself up parenting is a learning curve, but its not the fault of the CM.

saintlyjimjams · 31/01/2012 14:07

It may well have slack. I'm sure any childminder would notice a child behaving in an ill manner (which personally I think is way more important than the actual temperature - temperatures can be good things - the immune system kicking in). If a CM didn't notice an ill child that's one thing, but one who's been a bit under the weather suddenly running a highish temp? I'm not sure - it can take me a while to notice that in my kids.

Ds3 went from normal temp to febrile convulsion in under 20 mins - he'd been up and down but it did suddenly shoot up from normal (which presumably was why he had the convulsion)

SoupDragon · 31/01/2012 14:15

"And, yes, of course I accept it might have just shot up before I collected him"

Really? Because all I can see is you accusing her of not checking.

Either you trust her or you don't.

hiddenhome · 31/01/2012 14:18

YABU to have sent him to the CM in the first place. You knew he was unwell the night before. Calpol isn't a magic cure all and the virus will still have been active regardless of what his temperature was. I hate being away from my home when I'm ill Sad Sick children need to be at home too, not with some CM in a strange environment.

SoupDragon · 31/01/2012 14:19

FWIW, I find ibuprofen provides a longer lasting effect that paracetamol. It's what I use on a school day with children who "have a headache".

smithereenies · 31/01/2012 14:19

I would also feel like an over-anxious mum if i called... I thought it would be >that she called if concerned at all

hi - OP if this is your first experience of childcare, maybe just put it down to experience that you/your dh should always call if there has been anything untoward with your child in the previous 24 hours. If you were monitoring him to the extent ot taking his temp that morning, then you need to be even a bit more 'on it' when you are away from him. In my experience, CMs will take their cues from parents no matter how much experience they have - don't worry about appearing over-anxious, it is you to set the pace iyswim - you are paying your CM, and so what about appearing 'over anxious'? Don't worry about that. Even with the best care outside the home, you still need to have a sort of 'presence' at the childcare setting, including calling and asking e.g. for temp to be taken, if they have eaten their lunch etc..In a way, it can make you feel you are still caring for your dc even when not physically present....and helps CMs not be too lax!

Gooshka · 31/01/2012 14:20

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SoupDragon · 31/01/2012 14:25

As do you Gooshka Hmm

smithereenies · 31/01/2012 14:29

Either you trust her or you don't.

ffs! Because everything is so black and white Hmm no, because you're both learning how to communicate with each other, and what your roles are vis a vis your child when he is in her care. yab a teeny bit u to be cross, but at least now you know what to do in future (specifically ask her to check your dc's temp with a thermometer if he has been unwell the previous day)...

PosieParker · 31/01/2012 14:29

My pants are pretty perfect, but more than that is my desire to actually look after my own children when they're unwell and not leaving a non verbal child with a CM that has known him for a few hours....

Pretty Perfect.