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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with childminder for not noticing my DS was ill?

152 replies

slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 09:56

DS is 13 months, only his second session with childminder.

When I dropped him off I explained that he had been to out of hours GP the night before with a persistent very high temp and generally unwell. But, as children do, he seemed bright and lively in the morning, so thought he'd be fine to go. I explained I had given some Calpol but asked her to just keep an eye on his temp and please give some more if he needed it.

When I went to collect him I walked in and initially thought 'shit, he looks rough'... asked the childminder "his temp been ok?" and she said "yeh"... I picked him up and he was BOILING. Took him home and temp over 39. He was rough and poorly.

AIBU to be annoyed that i specifically asked her to watch his temp and she didn't? or am i paranoid first time mum??

Should i say something to her?

She is v experienced and good reputation and i liked her on first meeting etc. Dont want to piss off my childcare but am now worried about leaving DS more than before.....

OP posts:
TimothyClaypoleLover · 31/01/2012 10:26

I think you should give your childminder the benefit of the doubt. She may have checked his temperature but not in the last hour or something so it was fine when she checked. Temperatures can come and go quite quickly in my experience. And as this is only second session with your child she is still getting to know him.

I personally would not have left my DD with childminder if you had to see a doctor the previous night but I can see why you did if DS seemed better in the morning.

I think you just need to chalk it up to experience.

Scheherezade · 31/01/2012 10:26

Other posters are being ridiculously unfair on the OP, maybe she shouldn't have sent him, but that doesn't mean the childminder can just ignore the child!!

These posters have a very flippant attitude to high temp and fevers which can be VERY dangerous, my friends toddler had a series of fits last summer due to high temp. I can't believe these posters would condone a childminder, in care of a child, to ignore something so dangerous!

Kewcumber · 31/01/2012 10:27

"And as this is only second session with your child she is still getting to know him. " thats true though I am still slightly sceptical that a good CM wouldn;t have noticed if she was paying attention

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2012 10:28

Babies can go from normal to hot in such a short space of time.

She might well have checked him 20 mins before you walked in and he was ok...or just a tiny bit warm so no need for Calpol at that point.

choceyes · 31/01/2012 10:30

As a point of reference, when I went to pick up my DD was nursery yesterday due to her having a high temp, they had stripped her down and was attempting to cool her down. And that is with 3 under 2's to 1 nursery worker, and they were taking her temp every few mins. I was there within a few mins anyway as I work next door. So I am puzzled as to why your CM could have missed your DSs high temp.
Really imcompetant IMO, especially as she was only looking after him.

sheeplikessleep · 31/01/2012 10:30

But a temp of 39 means a flaked out, lying on the settee, ill looking child doesn't it?

How can that be missed?

If you were me OP, I'd be seriously hacked off and would have concerns what else might be missed. My CM calls me if there is anything out of the ordinary with DS2, picks up on things I've missed and she looks after 4 under 5 (variation).

TimothyClaypoleLover · 31/01/2012 10:32

I don't think posters are being flippant about high temps. I think what OP needs to do is to have more of a chat with childminder as it appears from the original post that she didn't have any more conversation with her than asking if temp ok and childminder replying yeh. When my DD was at a childminder I had a very good relationship with childminder and would have quite lengthy chats when collecting DD, particularly if there was any concerns such as illness.

Birdsgottafly · 31/01/2012 10:33

The OP explained the situation, the childminder is the professional, once she allowed him to enter her care, she had a responsibility to meet his needs, which included giving temperature comtroling medicine/cool bath.

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2012 10:33

But a temp of 39 means a flaked out, lying on the settee, ill looking child doesn't it?

Not always, I think it depends on the child and as someone else said, this CM was just getting used to this child.

Also, he might have been drowsy all day what with feeling ill, the Calpol and the trip to the out of hours GP during the night.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 10:34

So, your DS was her only charge that day and she didn't notice a high temp?
Inexcusable. Sorry.
And you discussed his temp with the cm before dropping him off. She agreed to take him probably as he was her only charge that day and he seemed ok at that point.
She should have noticed. Just from interacting with him.
Timothy - an hour ago? Sorry, that's just not ok.

choceyes · 31/01/2012 10:35

Even if he wasn't flaked out, he'd be whinging to be picked up and won't be put down at least won't he? That's what mine do when they have a temp higher than 39.

Snowbeetle · 31/01/2012 10:37

Think hammering the 'shouldn't have taken him' thing is too harsh. It was a judgement call and kids can and do recover quickly.

The point is, that if that child had come down ill whilst in her care, how on earth could you trust her to notice or take right action, when she can't even do that after being given a heads up!!???

I think OP is right to be concerned about a lax attitude and if I was in that position I would probably be looking for care elsewhere. Even if it was a one-off mistake the trust you need to have to be able to relax leaving your child is now damaged and would take soooo long to get back, especially when only going 1 day a week. you'll tie yourself in knots every time you leave him now .

Incidentally OP was that why you chose a childminder? I only ask as my ds goes to nursery one day a week and gets on great, so if you do end up seeking alternative care I'd like to reassure that nursery need not necessarily be discounted from the choice. I was concerned the greater staff numbers might be a problem if he was only a 1 day a weeker but it has been fine - he is close to them and there are more pairs of eyes to spot when a child is poorly. Not sure if you even need to hear that but hth. :)

coccyx · 31/01/2012 10:40

Topping him up with calpol does not mean he is ok!
She should have noticed but you should not have sent him to her

DeWe · 31/01/2012 10:40

Can't believe you left him! I can't think of any CM in that situation that would have been happy to have him. To me going to ooh is what you use when it is urgent and you can't wait for next day, so if he was ill enough for that, he wasn't well enough to go to CM next day.

And for what it's worth a child's temperature can rise very quickly. I remember ds going into ballet fine, running out fine and leaping into my arms. Within 5 minutes his temperature was rising, fifteen minutes later (at home) he was very very floppy and his temperature was over 40. He had an ear infection.

BlueFergie · 31/01/2012 10:48

FFS it never fails to surprise me how bithchy people on MN can be. oP did not ask WIBU to leave DS after he had a high temp overnight. She asked about being cross with her CM because she missed the fact hews sick. She told her DS had been ill and CM was happy to take him. What sort of jobs do you lot have that you can afford to take days off at short notice for a child that MAY be sick?
My sisters childminder minds hers when their ill (only mindees). Surely one of the advantages of a childminder or nanny over a crèche is that they can take mikdly sick kids, assuming there is no other mindees which is the case here?
YANBU I would be furious if a CM missed this especial sine you warned her.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 10:51

Choceyes my nursery did the same with 1:8 ratio with 3 year olds. He had no top on and was being cooled with cool flannels and given water to drink. He has nursery some days and cm other days.

They noticed his high temp even though he wasn't flaked out on the sofa and he didn't tell them. If they can notice with a 1:8 ratio, OP's cm should be able to notice in a 1:1 setting. Even just by touching him. Unless she's just ignored him, of course.

My cm, even with up to 3 other children, has always noticed when my ds is ill. Even if he's started the day a bit drowsy from a cold or whatever.

The argument is not about whether or not she should have sent him. She did and the cm took him. Done. The issue in the OP is that the cm didn't notice he was ill.

I hope you look for alternative care, OP :(

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 11:06

Of course I had more of a convo with the cm than "his temp ok?", she said he'd been a bit clingy but fine. said he'd eaten some dinner.

He was only there for 4 hours.

And, no, he's worse today so waiting to see GP. I only rang OOH for advice, it was him that said he needed to be seen as temp high.

I am amazed by the amount of amazing parents there are on MN that have never made the wrong judgement call.

OP posts:
TimothyClaypoleLover · 31/01/2012 11:09

OK OP, apologies, just wanted to check as you didnt't mention and I have witnessed some parents hardly speaking a word to childminders when collecting their children. In that case, I do think you need to address the issue with your childminder and say that you were upset that she didn't appear to notice the high temp.

Saltire · 31/01/2012 11:12

As a CM I think you need to discuss with the CM your conerns, if he was the only mindee then she really should ahve noticed . In her defence though, he maybe did seem quite perky and ok, and only really started to lag in the last hour or so. I ahd a child once who was in the same siuation as yours, and was fine all day, but 10 minutes before he was picked up started to look and get really ill. However I did mention it to his parents.

Also he calpol thing. was told that CMs cannot now give medicine to mindees unless it is prescribed by a doctor.

MrsMcEnroe · 31/01/2012 11:16

"I am amazed by the amount of amazing parents there are on MN that have never made the wrong judgement call."

I know, OP - I'd love to be as perfect as they are!

TimothyClaypoleLover · 31/01/2012 11:16

Really Saltire? My CM was able to give calpol so long as I had signed a form when contract was signed saying I gave her authority to administer Calpol. Same policy is at my DD's nursery as well.

Saltire · 31/01/2012 11:26

Timothy that used to be the way, but I was told by the First Aid course leader and by an OFSTED inspector that we are not supposed to give medicine unless it is prescribed by a GP (and appropriate forms filled in) . I was told that if the parents wanted calpol etc given that they had bought over the counter then they ahd to come to my house and administer it.
That was in November by first aider and in December by OFSTED

Snowbeetle · 31/01/2012 11:32

Saltire blimey!!! I believe you, but I'm stunned - what a crazy world! As if docs haven't got better things to do than OK the use of over-the-counter medicine. Bonkers!!!! that is just madness. My nursery will give calpol - hope that doesn't change - I'm not leaving work to run to nursery and stick a spoon in ds mouth!

InNeedOfCoffee · 31/01/2012 11:39

If he was only there for 4 hours can it be that the calpol was just starting to wear off?

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 11:53

GP verdict - ear infection. So not ebola, tyhphoid or anything else worth panicking about.
Thank you to the non-perfect (normal) parents for your advice.
I think I will have to mention to the CM as otherwise there will never be a whole lot of trust and i'll end up getting sacked for not having my mind on the job...
And,my CM said she was fine to give Calpol?

OP posts: