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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with childminder for not noticing my DS was ill?

152 replies

slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 09:56

DS is 13 months, only his second session with childminder.

When I dropped him off I explained that he had been to out of hours GP the night before with a persistent very high temp and generally unwell. But, as children do, he seemed bright and lively in the morning, so thought he'd be fine to go. I explained I had given some Calpol but asked her to just keep an eye on his temp and please give some more if he needed it.

When I went to collect him I walked in and initially thought 'shit, he looks rough'... asked the childminder "his temp been ok?" and she said "yeh"... I picked him up and he was BOILING. Took him home and temp over 39. He was rough and poorly.

AIBU to be annoyed that i specifically asked her to watch his temp and she didn't? or am i paranoid first time mum??

Should i say something to her?

She is v experienced and good reputation and i liked her on first meeting etc. Dont want to piss off my childcare but am now worried about leaving DS more than before.....

OP posts:
Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:22

Mrs H - if we are going to be pedantic.He had one dose of Calpol at 6.30am - on waking. Temp 37.6. So very low-grade fever.
Within 60 mins temp 36.9 - normal
Dropped him at CM at 12.30pm (no further doses of Calpol, and more than 4 hours later so therefore fully metabolised by then) - temp 36.8 - normal.
I mentioned he'd had some in the morning. Asked her to keep eye, in case it wasn't fully resolved.
As many times previous, he was only child in her care.
Now kindly, go away, carry on being the perfect parent and leave the rest of us to have a civilised discussion.

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 13:23

In answer -yes you are being unreasonable to be cross with your childminder for all the reasons mentioned-there is that better?Hmm

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:24

slack no point in blaming some replies you got. we (most) have children and feel passionately about it. maybe in hindsight you see it wasnt the best idea to send him in. either way grow a thicker skin and expect some replies to not agree with you for doing that.

and for god sake leave a contact number with anyone who is minding your child.

sloathy · 31/01/2012 13:25

Seriously, how many times does the OP have to explain that:

  1. He appeared fine, slept well, had eaten, was running around etc.
  2. She explained the situation to the CM and the CM agreed to take him
  3. He was the only child with the CM on that particular day

And what Gooshka said.

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:25

my apologies i see they do have your number. however i would have rang myself checking up on him.

Mimishimi · 31/01/2012 13:25

You should not have taken him if you knew he was sick. It's possible that the temp developed in the afternoon. She should have asked you to keep him at home as soon as you told her that he had had a high temp during the night.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:26

Of course CM has got 4 contact numbers - I was pointing out I cannot receive mobile phone calls at work

OP posts:
Gooshka · 31/01/2012 13:27

She wasn't asking for support at her guilt for sending her child nor was she asking to be slated for it!!! Her question was about the CM. However, what does it matter now - any reason to get on your perfect mummy high-horse eh and make the rest of us feel lie shit. It's not always easy juggling work with home and, whilst the welfare of your child is paramount, if you took a day off every time you thought your child was poorly you'd lose your job and then where would you be? On the benefits thread being slated for that! Most mums offer reassurance to other mums as we know what a damn hard job it is and the guilt that comes with it. If you were having this conversation face-to-face with a mum who had done the same, would you be so accusational and judgemental or are you only so vial and unsupportive hiding behind mums net. Hope you never make any mistakes Angry

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:28

but WHY didnt you phone to check on him????????

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/01/2012 13:28

OP - ignore the righteous!! It's a judgement call sometimes being a working mum with an ill kid and sometimes it comes back to bite us on the arse.

I have sent DS to CM many a time with an ear infection (the only time she will refuse to mind is when sickness/diarohhea is involved) and your CM should have picked up on the high temp, esp as you had already pointed it out.

DS at school now but even so I have had to make decisions about whether to send him, again some of them wrong but no harm ever done. I remember once when I was working in the office on my own so having a day off with him was nop an option....I brought him to work with me and he vomitted into my bosses bin Shock..believe me, I felt like the shittiest mum on the planet!

I have also had school phone me up at work asking me to come and give DS a spoonful of Calpol as they are not allowed to....luckily I was able to send my neighbour to do it and I have now signed something to allow them to although it sounds like that may be null and void now.

So no, YANBU........just think, how awful it must be to be a perfect parent. I mean, how can they improve themselves Wink

Yorkpud · 31/01/2012 13:29

YANBU. You warned her, she should have been checking him. You were right to send him because he seemed fine when you dropped him. You warned childminder so she knew to call you if he got worse. The childminder did not bother letting you know or even seem to notice.

You son was not ill when you dropped him off and you were willing to pick him up if the childminder called you. You have not done anything wrong. It would be impossible to maintain a job if you kept your child off on the off chance they may be ill.

SoupDragon · 31/01/2012 13:29

The bottom line is that either you trust your child minder or you don't.

She could, as others said, easily have checked him a little earlier and he was fine.

Becaroooo · 31/01/2012 13:30

I would be v worried about leaving my child with a CM who couldnt spot a 39 degree temp.

yanbu.

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:30

listen here - i work full time and have taken in ds when he wasnt 100% and i have phoned to check on him or left instructions for medicine or have been phoned to collect him. i KNOW how hard it is and cannot take every day off her is feeling poorly.

like i said i dont have an issue with her sending him in - thats he call, she is his mum and knows him best.

but why not call and check on him??? i ALWAYS do that even if he had a rough sleep for no reason i ask how he is.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:31

Scuzy - I didn't call because I wasn't that concerned about him. Like I said, if I was that concerned I wouldn't have taken him to CM. He jumped outmy arms and ran off as sson as I got there.
She professes to be very experienced and had plenty of conatct numbers to call if concerned.

OP posts:
scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:32

and to answer the question yes i would be mad at childminder for not spotting it but would feel bad for letting him go in the first place - so perhaps your anger is mispaced guilt.

either way hopefully he will be better soon. and you need to talk to your minder about this and have it out.

saintlyjimjams · 31/01/2012 13:33

Why on earth did you send him? Kids temperatures can rocket very quickly (well my kids do). They can be fine, then 20 mins later raging. Was he playing all day?

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:33

as someone else said the one time ds show no signs of being sick is at the doctors!

listen, its done with, chat with minder, your lo will be better in couple days.

its just my own "irk" with this AIBU is not phoning to check. takes 2 mins!

saintlyjimjams · 31/01/2012 13:34

If he appeared fine then maybe he was still fine 10 or 20 minutes before she picked up.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:35

And (here we go) im a midwife and was attending a woman at a homebirth so there was no point at which it was appropriate to leave and make a call.
CM knows how to get hold of me if neccessary

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 31/01/2012 13:35

Temperatures always go up in the evenings (I gather that even if you are well your temperature is higher in the evening) so it's more than possible that his temperature had only just shot up, and that she had checked him at perfectly acceptable intervals during the day.

As you say, the calpol would have been out of his system by 10.30, he was fine at 12.30 when you dropped him off. He might have been fine at 4.15, and deteriorated in the 15 minutes before you picked him up.

I would recommend asking her how often she had checked him in a "he was fine and had normal temp at 12.30, but feeling rough and with high temp at 4.30 - I am trying to work out the pattern of this stupid illness - would you say he was fine and his temp normal at 2.30? When did he start feeling bad? " and see what she says.

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:35

saintly if you took that approach you'd never leave your kid's side incase his temp goes up. kids go down hill rapidly and recover rapidly. it turned out to be an earache ... if a child was teething and have a temp should they take a day off every time? i dont blame her for sending him in, might not have been best judgement in hindsight but she could have also taken the day off to mind him and not a bother on him.

saintlyjimjams · 31/01/2012 13:36

It is very normal for temperatures to increase in the evening or towards the end of the day. So if you have a slight temp in the morning, it often drops during the day then rockets around tea time. It will then stay high until about 5am.

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:36

was your DH also assisting??

saintlyjimjams · 31/01/2012 13:38

If I sent a child in after a temperature (and I might do if I felt I had something I couldn't miss) the night before and a temp in the morning I would expect that temperature to rise during the day. It's what happens and I wouldn't be cross with the CM, would assume it had just happened.

If I thought the CM had maliciously ignore the child and left him when he was showing obvious signs of sickness then I would remove him from her care.