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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with childminder for not noticing my DS was ill?

152 replies

slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 09:56

DS is 13 months, only his second session with childminder.

When I dropped him off I explained that he had been to out of hours GP the night before with a persistent very high temp and generally unwell. But, as children do, he seemed bright and lively in the morning, so thought he'd be fine to go. I explained I had given some Calpol but asked her to just keep an eye on his temp and please give some more if he needed it.

When I went to collect him I walked in and initially thought 'shit, he looks rough'... asked the childminder "his temp been ok?" and she said "yeh"... I picked him up and he was BOILING. Took him home and temp over 39. He was rough and poorly.

AIBU to be annoyed that i specifically asked her to watch his temp and she didn't? or am i paranoid first time mum??

Should i say something to her?

She is v experienced and good reputation and i liked her on first meeting etc. Dont want to piss off my childcare but am now worried about leaving DS more than before.....

OP posts:
duckdodgers · 31/01/2012 12:06

Myabe its different in England with Ofsted but my DH has just registered as a CM here (Scotland) and our equivalent is SCSWIS, and he hasnt been told he cant administer calpol. Obviously he will have a parental permission form filled in to.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 31/01/2012 12:06

Of course the mum's on mumsnet never make the wrong call - they have 20/20 hindsight. They also never get cross with their kids.

I hope that you DS is over his ear infection soon. As for the childminder I think you do need to raise your concerns with her. I'd probably give her another chance if she's seems to be listening to your concerns and taking them on board.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 31/01/2012 12:16

That is interesting Saltire, thanks. Not using CM anymore as DD in nursery. Does new regulations just apply to CMs (or nurseries etc as well)? As someone else said, would be PITA to keep dashing back from work to adminster Calpol!!

tootiredtothinkofanickname · 31/01/2012 12:22

OP, glad to hear you have a diagnosis and it's all under control now.

I would speak with the CM, although TBH it doesn't look good at all that she missed that. Give her the benefit of the doubt, then go with your gut feeling, can you trust her again or not? Does your CM write down what your DS is doing in the day? Mine does and it's very helpful to read it at the end of the day, it's obviously very brief but if she took DS' temperature, she would write this down, and also if he was not himself. She does it especially because we don't have much time to have a proper chat at pick-up.

WRT Calpol, I signed a form to say I'm happy for her to give him some if needed, and I also visited a nursery last year who had the same policy - Calpol with parental consent.

I hope your DS feels better soon.

smithereenies · 31/01/2012 12:23

i think reasonable parents see why you sent him to the cm..she sounds a bit weird not to have noticed the temp, but maybe you could have called during the time he was there to ask how he was, and got her to take his temp? I think with childcare, if you have any doubts at all about your child's wellness you need to be a little bit naggy - always phone to check how they are, ask for temp to be taken etc
One lax morning shouldn't mean you fire her - especially if she is otherwise good and it would be a lot of hassle to find another one..

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 12:44

Goodness Saltire, that's crazy. I hope my cm and nursery don't get that news. Fingers crossed they will keep giving it if necessary.

What did the trainer say re: emergencies? When my DS got a really high temp at nursery, they rang me and told me about it, asked me to come get him ASAP and got my permission over the phone to give him calpol as temp was so high. This was only a couple of months ago.

MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 12:52

It was only his 2nd session,she hardly knows him.

You took him to the out of hours dc the night before.

He's only 13 months old.

Why on earth did you take him?If he was ill enough to bother a doctor the night before he should have had a day at home.Poor little boy,I wouldn't send my 8 year old to a childminder like that let alone a baby.You knew she hardly knew him.Shock

Also why should the cm and all her other charges have to put up with your child's germs?

Sorry the only person being unreasonable was you.

MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 12:57

Also Saltire is right about the Calpol,it's the same in schools and the same everywhere.Any school,childminder or nursery not following this with proper medicine forms and policy will have their fingers tapped.

I hate this dole out the Calpol thing so kids can crawl though the day feeling shite. It's dangerous and it's not right. These rules are to stop over zealous Calpol use and overdosing not to inconvenience parents.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 13:00

Mrs Hmm
He was her only mindee.
The cm agreed to take him.
Get over yourself.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:02

MrsHeffley - he wasn't taken to the Dr during the night - it was a Sunday at 5.30pm, we have no drop in centre so the OOH dr is the only option.And as I mentioned, I rang for advice and they wanted to see him. After this 25 min trip to the Dr he was tucked up in bed by 7pm, slept well, ate some breakfast, napped well and then was running about so I thought he looked more than well enough to go to CMfor4 hours.

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 13:05

Sorry I wouldn't have a clue what a child looked like when ill if I'd only met them twice.

Kids differ,they have different complexions and often look very different when ill.

You don't drop a baby off who had been ill the night before sorry in any circumstances let alone with somebody he barely knew-it's irresponsible and not that kind. Babies want their mums when off colour, tired or ill.

Also if the mum was capable of sailing off not knowing he was unwell,I fail to see how somebody who had only recently met him was supposed to know.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 13:06

OP you don't need to defend yourself to people like her. You're doing a great job and the cm was being very unreasonable not to notice a high temperature on her only mindee.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:08

smither - I can't have my mobile phone on me at work (i'm reluctant to admit my profession now as i'll get even more rocks thrown at me for sending my DS to CM)... I would also feel like an over-anxious mum if i called... I thought it would be that she called if concerned at all. We had a long chat before I took him there for the first time and explained I can't have my phone but I am contactable via landline, that my DH has his phone on and to call without hesitation if he needs collecting or anything. She reassured me she would call if concerned..

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 13:09

You said your child was "generally unwell" with a "persistent high temperature" the night before.He is a baby.

It's not a c/ms job to nurse,check temperatures continuously and administer Calpol it's yours.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 13:10

MrsHeffley - well, children with a high temp are usually hot
As OP said her ds was.
That's a good way to discover a temp if you don't know a child well.
A baby will be picked up and interacted with a lot (hopefully) and this will be easily realised if he is being cared for properly.

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:11

MrsH - Is there any mother on this earth who 'sails off' and leaves their children with someone else without a thought?
I am sure all mothers who have to work, be it one afternoon, or full time hate leaving their children and think about them all the time.

OP posts:
Gooshka · 31/01/2012 13:14

Oh god yet another thread where the OP is being slated despite herself saying numerous times that she felt guilty for sending him - why keep on at her? Have none of you honestly never made a mistake or misjudgment as a mum? Wish I could be as perfect as some of you lot. OP YANBU - your CM agreed to take him after you'd explained he had been poorly and therefore had a duty of care to keep an eye on him. I have sent my child to school on many occasions only to be called in to collect him as he has deteriorated during the day. I have also kept my child OFF school thinking they were genuinely poorly to have them running round an hour or two later (and, no, not due to drugging him up on Calpol). I haven't been on MN long and I doubt I'll stay long as what I see on here isn't very nice Angry

MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 13:15

I'm sorry you don't leave poorly kids in childcare.It's not fair on the setting,it's not fair on the other children and most importantly it's not fair on the child.

Settings are not paid to nurse.

If he was ill enough to need Calpol he should have been at home.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 13:16

MrsH - he was the only mindee

Original poster
slackandbaggy · 31/01/2012 13:17

Gooshka - was just thinking the same about retiring from MN. I really thought that all mums have the understanding that even though you always try and do the best for your children you will, on occasion, fuck things up, make a mistakeand don't need any more help in feeling guilty about it.

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 13:18

The op posted in aibu a question as to wether she had a right to be cross with her childminder. People have answered. If she wanted support for feeling crap at sending an ill baby to a childminder she shouldn't ask questions in aibu but post a thread asking for it elsewhere.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 13:18

Just ignore those posters, slack. There are enough of us realistic ones on here as well. They really aren't worth the space in your thoughts.

HavePatience · 31/01/2012 13:20

Responses to AIBU should be directed at the question. She didn't ask AIBU to send ds to the cm, did she? Nope.
Like I said
Get
Over
Yourself
Now would be good.

I'm going to ignore you now mrsH because YABU and self righteous and horrid.

MrsHeffley · 31/01/2012 13:21

Also if he was only there for 4 hours she couldn't have given him any more Calpol anyhow and as you said you didn't phone or leave a mobile number with a carer who had only met a baby twice.Hmm

scuzy · 31/01/2012 13:22

slack its a hard one to call. you know your kid best. so you did what you presumed was best. i can see why if he seemed ok in morning you would bring him in. have done it myself. however i phone every couple hours asking if he is ok. did you phone?

she should have been able to feel that he was hot or that he was lagging though.

and my creche can administer calpol and nurofen without permission but ask parents to sign they have afterwards. thats in rep of irl though.