The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

[aaaaaaaaargh]

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

YANBU about their being alot of manhaters and over the top reactionaries in that particular topic.

YABU to get so upset over it.

yellow since you abvioulsy didn't "leave the bastard" I assume you absorbed all the advice you had asked for, applied it to your own situation, and then made your own mind up, yes ?

because to assume you might do anything less is a bit patronising and implies you are too thick to acknowledge the fact that you will get a range of opinions on MN

Trois? Slutty bint?

I don't think she did, Florie? I think that any woman poster who displayed those traits would be given short shrift too - hopefully?

I didn't think it was me at all OP

By "slutty bint", she means "rape victim".

HTH.

OP I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you. Do you really not see how bizarre you are being?

Why does anyone that recognises that women can behave badly and do manipulate men accused of woman hating?

We are not this perfect but downtrodden sex that never does wrong.

But this place isn't full of woman haters at all, oh no.

Just man-haters.

Who hate men because they assert that normal men are nice to their partners, and don't rape women.

Apparently if you think that about men, you're a man-hater.

I've had a scan through relationships and can't see any threads like that. You do sometimes find them in AIBU - there was one recently where the DH sounded depressed to me, but was generally considered to be a bastard by everyone else.

AF, you really don't need to get so aggressive, you know.

To be honest, I left the thread pretty quickly because I didn't really feel people were listening, they were just saying "you're young, you're not happy, you don't have kids, no point in fighting for it".

I think the relationships board has a lot of good advice and good posters, but I do feel some people don't really read what the OP writes, they just project massively.

Ooh, now I've remembered what excellent advice and support is always offered on there I might go and start my own thread in Relationships and see if MNers can't sort my life out too !

#YANBU about their being alot of manhaters and over the top reactionaries in that particular topic.

YABU to get so upset over it

I know. I dunno, I just think that if there was an equivalent site, aimed primarily at men, and my DH posted that we were going through a bad patch (which is what I'm objecting to, NOT the serious abuse threads), and he was categorically told that I was abusive or controlling..no matter what the bloody issue was,..well, I'd be fighting for my relationship. And that bothers me.

Sorry, but it does.

Flisspaps have you never though why a women who is being abused may defend her abusive partner

realtionships forum has only needed to help one women move on from an abusive relationship, one family get away from miserly for it to be a sucess and it has helped many many more than that

Why, are you abusing him?

like I said, yellow, the Op was aggressive

quelle surprise it is reciprocated

and my last post was an example of passive aggression

there's a lot of it about

OP I think you've seen something on relationships that's hit a nerve and scared you. So it suits your agenda to dismiss it all as man hating rubbish.

I suspect later down the line we'll hear from you again under a different name and you'll understand how valuable a resource like the relationships board is.

OP, if your H was having real difficulties in his relationship with you, wold you deny him some anonymous support ?

or would you try to shut it down for him ?

Arrrrrrgh's OP is an exagerated example but she does have a valid point.
We need to remember that we are only getting one side of the story and therefore should (politely) question the OP before giving advice.
In most cases very good advice is given but the thread does tend to be very much on the woman's side.This is understandable to a point as it is a female forum for and by women.

OK, AF, but I'm not the OP, so why be aggressive at me because I disagree with you?

I really wouldn't say that the "leave the bastard" replies are from "manhaters". I think that's a bit of a stupid term to be honest.

#I didn't think it was me at all OP

Mmmmm.

I'm optimistic, bertie.

Women are capable of being abusive too.

We all know that, right?

#OP I think you've seen something on relationships that's hit a nerve and scared you. So it suits your agenda to dismiss it all as man hating rubbish.

No I haven't.

madonna I'll second that.

I honestly do wonder how different my life would be now if I'd known about mn earlier. I'm continually impressed by the quality of writing, humour, empathy and support on relationships. The extremes and the bunfights are just a part of it.

Oh, and you're wrong about women always being in the right. It's not just OWs who are given short shrift - if an op admits to slapping her dh or throwing an ornament or allowing her dc to witness an argument she'll not get off lightly. Tough mnetty love (with rare hugs)

Aaaaagh - I laughed at your op, quite a clever pisstake-type exaggeration, but that's all it is.

aaaaarrgh - I agree. Of course some relationships are abusive and in those situations the OP needs constructive advice. But often a row is just that - a row. Not a one way ticket to divorce street.