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AIBU?

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Original poster

The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

868 replies

aaaaaaaaargh · 30/01/2012 19:42

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

OP posts:
Florieinaweddingdress · 30/01/2012 22:12

I don't think the sample OP is even slightly realistic, but I do recognise something from the replies. I've never been on the relationship section, so this is not an observation based on any specific issue, but there is a lot of force from posters when the mass has made it's mind up.

It often seems like starting a thread on Mumsnet is like taking a big dog for a walk on a windy day. You're holding the lead, but you're just along for the ride.

AnyFucker · 30/01/2012 22:12

OP, you also knew you were being thoroughly "goading" to post your OP in the first place...so why the faux surprise when you get it reflected right back atcha ?

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 30/01/2012 22:13

#Op - Why have you name changed?

Because I was fed up with the vitriol and becoming annoyed. So I de-registered.

Then I re-registered to answer AnyFucker and others because it was bugging me, reading my own thread but being unable to answer.

Same username (ish)

HTH

madonnawhore · 30/01/2012 22:14

There's a lot of ugly truth written on the relationships board. And that can be scary for people who don't want to hear it.

If stuff that's posted on relationships affects you to the point where it 'makes your blood boil', then I'd suggest it's either because your own relationship is shitty and you're in denial about it; or you're massively ignorant about the signs of abusive relationships because it's never happened to you. In which case, think yourself lucky.

AnyFucker · 30/01/2012 22:15

Blimey

BasilRathbone · 30/01/2012 22:15

"there are a lot of man-haters on this site"

Yep. The ones who have such a low opinion of them, that they see abusive behaviour described and think that's how men behave. Newsflash: it's how abusive men behave. Nice men don't behave like that. If you didn't hate men so much, you'd know that.

ToothbrushThief · 30/01/2012 22:16

Whilst occasionally I do think people pile in, projecting their own issues, mainly I am really concerned by the number of people who post tales of utterly miserable relationships asking 'what can I do?' when it's patently obvious to the rest of us that split up is the answer.

People seem to accept all sorts of shit that they wouldn't tolerate at work or on the street. Why (shaking head in frustration) do people tolerate it just because they are in a relationship. You only get one life.

If MN helps people get perspective and have better relationships/futures then it's worth the occasional over reaction. YABVU to suggest there are 'so many threads'

Dozer · 30/01/2012 22:17

"I know for a fact that a lot of people are agreeing with me, but daren't post on the thread."

How nice to be secure in the knowledge of such strong, unspoken but powerful support by the downtrodden, invisible people-of-like-mind in the ether of AIBU.

Unfortunately OP, the Force is not with you.

caramelwaffle · 30/01/2012 22:17

Op - Well it seems clear then that something is going on in your life that is affecting your psyche - not in a good way: if reading a forum board makes your "blood boil" without compelling you to change, alter or enhance your life, or that of others, it is time to step away.

BasilRathbone · 30/01/2012 22:18

ROFL at the downtrodden of AIBU

AnyFucker · 30/01/2012 22:19

reading between the lines, I think it's just an old thread of OP's that has triggered this OTT reaction, not "so many" threads

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 30/01/2012 22:19

#I do genuinely suspect that something is going on in your own life to trigger such a strong reaction. Getting this aggressive about something that should theoretically have no effect on you isn't normal.

It seriously bugs me. It's unfair.

Why do I have to have 'something going on'? More filling in of non existant gaps.

Flisspaps · 30/01/2012 22:19

It makes my blood boil too, OP.

It makes my blood boil that so many women put up with shit and abuse, day after day, and think that it is normal and are stunned to find out that actually, it isn't normal. And then they do their best to defend the person that's treated them like shit on their shoe.

It also makes my blood boil that some women dish out crap treatment to men or come on and post about something and expect support when in fact if the shoe was on the other foot and it was the man doing it to her, she'd be told to 'leave the bastard'.

It makes my blood boil that actual lives are wasted in misery - these aren't just words on a screen for someone - this is their life.

AnyFucker · 30/01/2012 22:20

Unfair to whom ?

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 30/01/2012 22:21

Sorry but I disagree with OP. I have had plenty of great advice on MN. I am aware I can choose to do what I wish with the advice given.
Sometimes you need a different perspective and MN provides that. Its reassuring to know others have gone through something similar and can share that experience. Particularly if you are having a shitty time. I love RL....it's helped a lot recently. :) I still make my own decisions.

pictish · 30/01/2012 22:22

It also makes my blood boil that some women dish out crap treatment to men or come on and post about something and expect support when in fact if the shoe was on the other foot and it was the man doing it to her, she'd be told to 'leave the bastard'.

Could not agree MORE!

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 30/01/2012 22:22

Stop reading between the lines!!! Stop. This is what is so annoying.

Florieinaweddingdress · 30/01/2012 22:23

Whoa whoa whoa! Hold the phone! Can women not be any of those things, northernlurker?

I don't want to stick my hand in the rattlesnake jar, but circling those traits as male only is a bit sexist.

pictish · 30/01/2012 22:23

I often think a 'role reversal' emoticon would come in very handy on here!

yellowraincoat · 30/01/2012 22:23

OP, I get what you mean on one level - I was told to leave the bastard, even though we were just having a bad patch.

However, your OP is so ridiculously over the top that I can only say YABU.

madonnawhore · 30/01/2012 22:24

And I cannot believe the victim blaming shit that troisgarcons came out with upthread about the woman who was raped.

I was going to leave it and not rise to the bait. But instead I'll take it as an opportunity to repeat the message that bears repeating as often as possible: a woman can have sex with whoever she wants, whenever she wants, and she can withdraw her consent AT ANY TIME. Even during the sex act. They may have been swinging from the chandelier 10 seconds earlier, but if a woman asks her partner to stop having sex with her and he doesn't, that is rape.

You need to stop slut-shaming and get yourself educated, troisgarcons.

cheesesarnie · 30/01/2012 22:24

as someone thats started a fair few threads in relationships and got fantastic advice-

do fark off.

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 30/01/2012 22:25

Oh God. WHY did I re-register.

Harking back to you (AF) mentioning me having a 'beef' with someone. It's not just you, sorry.

ToothbrushThief · 30/01/2012 22:25

It's the Boden what does it Wink

yellowraincoat · 30/01/2012 22:26

I find that post really disturbing, troisgarcons.

I mean, "slutty bint", really?

Obviously I have no idea what the original situation actually was, but your whole tone is one that just stinks of hating women.

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