The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

[aaaaaaaaargh]

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

Pictish, good for you. I'm so glad you're happier now.

I have never heard the term passive aggressive used so much in my life as I have in these forums!!

I feel sorry for them. They must live with really vile men and they have no idea just how lovely so many men are. They think abusive ones are the standard.

Uh huh. That was me.

it's a very common behaviour trait, ILove

this thread is bringin' 'em out, innit

"I guess it is a mixture of projecting, and people generally finding it harder to empathise with members of the opposite sex."

I don't think this is the case. I think mumsnet is unusual in a way because it is a strong female dominated space. I think this is valuable - if you read any relationship advice column, forum, letters page, self help book, slot on breakfast TV, anywhere people go, generally, to get advice on relationships, 99% (I'm not exaggerating - count for yourself next time you come across them, take a random sample of forums other than this one) - will focus on the male point of view. His needs (often spurious), his opinions, his emotions, his poor bruised ego, and how to placate it, talk him round, try to cajole him in ridiculous ways, using sex as a reward, witholding it for digressions, as though you're a parent dangling TV time in front of a child, as though you couldn't possibly enjoy and want sex in your own right.

It's about time women had a space where their feelings, needs and voices were heard, and men were treated as adults capable of taking responsibility for their own behaviour.

Very good point, and post Bertie.

Yes, indeed, Anyfucker

There are multiple layers of irony in this thread.

I do think the OP has a point, although the vast majority of the relationship threads I've seen have been very supportive and generally not baying for male blood. I think it's unfair to suggest that the OP is in an abusive relationship herself, and actually proves her point.

But the way it's been said and sited in AIBU means that the OP's point probably won't be heard

oh Bertie, expecting men to behave and be treated like adults, is sheer, unadulterated misandry.

it's a very common behaviour trait

According to you.

I don't think you are being passive-aggressive, OP

oh no, not at all

you are being simply aggressive

OP you sound a bit deranged.

I agree.
The way our society seems to operate is that men are just hapless souls, at the mercy of their circumstances...and are not to be held responsible for their own behaviour.
It makes me .

I'm not being aggressive AF. I didn't say that you were saying that I was passive aggressive.

I sense you're trying to goad me here. That's fine. I know for a fact that a lot of people are agreeing with me, but daren't post on the thread. So do you.

THere is a current thread in Relationships.

The female Op was starting to blame herself for her partner walking out. On some gentle questioning it seems he is an abuser, living in her home who has systematically been destroying her self belief

I can see that, from a few posts

By reading MN, this lady has had a few lightbulb moments. More power to MN, I say. If she ends her relationship, I will be GLAD, and I make no apology for that.

#OP you sound a bit deranged.

Of course. I'm not toeing the line.

Op - Why have you name changed?

(slightly)

So do I what ?

if posting that a treasured part of Mn that has helped an awful lot of people "makes your blood boil" then you post some fictitious claptrap in a lame attempt to justify your aggressive OP is OK by lots of people too scared to post, then I will show my arse on the town hall steps

OP made me laugh! While it was a slight exaggeration,I think she doe shave a very valid point.

There do seem to be a lot of man haters on this website and the word 'controlling' is overused and misused frequently.

'I think mumsnet is unusual in a way because it is a strong female dominated space' - excellent point and that's just unbearable to some people isn't it?

Well that's tough. Poor threatened folks better name change or make up a totally new identity to have an absurd moan.

Look - men who are any or all of: violent, faithless, liars, selfish, aggressive, controlling or just plain mean will get a rough ride on this forum. Men who don't fall in to those categories won't. I'm guessing OP you firmly fall in to those categories though - or would like to. What's the problem - wife left you because she found some sisterly support to help her do so?

it won't be a pretty sight

I've read some things on the Relationships board that made my blood not boil, but run cold. The one plus in all that misery is the amazing support available, and I've read some people make real, fundamental life changes after receiving support there.
That's why I think you're deranged. It's such a valuable resource and that is how you perceive it.
I do genuinely suspect that something is going on in your own life to trigger such a strong reaction. Getting this aggressive about something that should theoretically have no effect on you isn't normal.

Where are the missing aa's?

Curiouser and curiouser.