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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

868 replies

aaaaaaaaargh · 30/01/2012 19:42

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

OP posts:
notfluffyatall · 01/02/2012 20:43

And just adding: Why do threads like these and an opposing opinion on a relationship thread ALWAYS turn into bitch fests? Grown women getting nasty and personal and just downright bitchy.

aaaaaaargh · 01/02/2012 20:43

notfluffy - you must have made an impression, I was accused of being you on here.

Cherriesarelovely · 01/02/2012 20:44

I don't agree at all. Yes, if you take quotes from about 1000 different threads you will find all of these replies but mostly people are incredibly kind and helpful.

Pollykitten · 01/02/2012 20:44

I know what the OP is getting at, it's either 'leave the bastard' or 'YABU' when they aren't.... I prescribe a two week holiday away from MN - I did and it did me wonders! (and I didn't leave the bastard and IABU!)

Smithson6 · 01/02/2012 20:44

I agree that the relationship section can sometimes make me uneasy in the calls for vulnerable people to take action. OP is not being unreasonable and I think it is important that these views are heard and discussed. This has become really unpleasant and the original point is getting lost.

aaaaaaargh · 01/02/2012 20:45

#So either all those men gave up really, really easily... or....

I'm a man? yeah, bored with that one now.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 01/02/2012 20:47

I'm not saying you're a man necessarily, just observing an interesting phenomenon, which you happen to be a part of...

Truckulentagain · 01/02/2012 20:47

I don't think the OP is a man.
I also don't think many men hang around here even incognito, I think the majority would find it boring.

I can't imagine any men I know posting.

ArtexMonkey · 01/02/2012 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 01/02/2012 20:51

I can't imagine any men I know posting, either. Grin That's sort of my point.

Portofino · 01/02/2012 20:51

But noone breaks up their family just because MN says so. I have seen extreme cases where they REALLY should have too. I have posted in relationships before and got some sterling advice - and yes there was the odd "leave the bastard" post. In most cases, the OP has her eyes opened to reality - ie this is NOT normal and can plan accordingly. Be that whether to address the issue within her family, or to make plans to leave.....

notfluffyatall · 01/02/2012 20:51

"notfluffy - you must have made an impression, I was accused of being you on here."

Yep, I've popped into one or two. All I did was ask particular posters how they came to certain conclusions. Asked for evidence to back up assumptions. Tried to alert when they'd gone off on some tangent. One poor guy was turned into a wife beater in maybe 10 posts because someone picked up the wrong end of the stick and they all fucking ran with it.

I was told to fuck off several times, had my own relationship ridiculed, was bated and bated mercilessly. By grown women.

To be honest, if I was a bloke popping in to see what the women were up to, on some of these threads I'd be pissing myself laughing. as a woman I just find it embarrassing.

Maybe there is lots of help given, but it can't be a coincidence that nearly all of the threads I've been on or viewed turned really shitty.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2012 20:52

notfluffyatall

but you are a name changer, of about a week standing Grin

notfluffyatall · 01/02/2012 20:55

Announced I was doing it, not a secret Wink

Whatmeworry · 01/02/2012 20:55

I'm a man? yeah, bored with that one now

Its the MN Feminists version of Godwin's Law, if you disagree with them long enough you will be called a man.

Although they are of course Not Misandrist, its the worst insult they can think of.....

AnyFucker · 01/02/2012 20:56

yes, a name changer you are though

your previous name was quite well known, so a bit disingenous to pronounce you are "not a name changer"

Smithson6 · 01/02/2012 20:57

@Portofino but someone way up thread said they had nearly left after getting advice on MN and then spoke to RL friend who talked her out of it. She said it would have been the wrong thing for her to leave. People on the relationships board are very vulnerable. they are. they have often just found out about an affair or whatever and they do listen and they do act. Ive read enough of those threads to see that happening a few times. It literally plays out in real time on MN and I find that very uneasy reading.

aaaaaaargh · 01/02/2012 21:00

WhatMe - Grin

notfluffyatall · 01/02/2012 21:00

I meant, as well you know, that I am not changing my name purely for the purpose of this thread, I won't be changing it to anything else on leaving this thread through fear of retribution for voicing my opinion.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 01/02/2012 21:00

Ah, Whatmeworry, you're back! Not feeling vilified any more?

As I've said a couple of times - I'm not calling anyone a man; rather observing an interesting MN phenomenon. :)

aaaaaaargh · 01/02/2012 21:01

#I was told to fuck off several times, had my own relationship ridiculed, was bated and bated mercilessly. By grown women.

Join the club.

Smellythesockpuppet · 01/02/2012 21:01

I know all the kinds of threads the OP is talking about, every one of them, and I know exactly what they are talking about!!!!

In fact, I agree with her 110%, just in case you are wondering!!!!

I'm not linking to any of them though so don't go looking!!!!

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 01/02/2012 21:02

Smelly Grin - just in the nick of time...!

aaaaaaargh · 01/02/2012 21:02

#I'm not calling anyone a man; rather observing an interesting MN phenomenon

MN phenomenon?

Smellythesockpuppet · 01/02/2012 21:03

"Maybe there is lots of help given, but it can't be a coincidence that nearly all of the threads I've been on or viewed turned really shitty."

A bunch of grown women you say.

You should all be ashamed of yourselfs!!!